baby shower etiquette advice needed

lnle · January 2011

I've been invited to the baby shower of a former grad student I supervised. I have already given her lots of my maternity and baby girl clothes and will continue to give her clothes as the babies outgrow them. She is registered for many things that I already have and would be happy to give her. Is it rude/cheap/gross to give her something of mine rather than buying it new from BRU? It's more about reduce-reuse-recycle than being cheap, but I know first-time moms often want new things for their babies. Maybe I could buy her something so she has something "new" but then also give her something of mine if it's in good shape? (like boppy, bottles, swaddles, etc.). Thoughts?

LisaMarisa · January 2011

Maybe you could buy her a boppy but then give her some of your covers? Or something like that.

RoxBride · January 2011

I'd be pleased as punch if someone gave me a bunch of used stuff, but that's just me.

Maybe buy her something small off her registry, and then add in the used stuff.

preheatedoven · January 2011

I would have been quite happy (and still am!) with hand-me-downs. I would guess since you have already given her things and she is open to used items, that it wouldn't bother her.

Maybe send her an email letting her know what from her registry you can pass down to her so that if she wants it she can delete it from the registry?

Soon2beMrs.Sivert · January 2011

I would give her something used, but not if a new version is on her registry (i.e. boppy). My rational would be that if I gave her a used boppy and she has a new one on her registry she runs the risk of getting yours and the new one. I like the idea of new boppy and used covers. This might seem a little odd but if you were going for the reduce-reuse-recycle thing why not a membership to ThredUp? Or a gift card there. It's a clothing swap.

Maybe a small gift at the shower and a note saying you'd love to talk to her about what might be missing from her wish list right before the baby is born so you can possibly fill in with your additional items.

EMTTessie · January 2011

I LOVE getting handmedowns! Anything I didn't have to buy was awesome! That being said, if you were to give her things I wouldn't make them her gift. Maybe buy something new off her registry and then give her the used things later, like before you leave. Also I would let her know what things you have that she might be interested in, that way if she does take what you have she can take it off the registry. Well unless for some reason she wants/needs more than one of something. We had a friend notice out PNP was very similar to one she had that her DD never used, so when she offered it to us we took it off our registry becasue we really didn't need to end up with two.

krissyh21 · January 2011

Personally, I would call and offer anything you have so she knows the offer is there, and then get her a gift off her registry. I was big on having my own stuff for D since he will be my one and only. Yes, not very green of me, but a mama wants what she wants.

PrincessShay80 · January 2011

I agree with the PP- call her and offer her some of your stuff- or if she wants to wait until after her shower to see what she still needs- but if you go to the shower you have to bring a new gift, I would get her something small off her registry.

Honestly, I was happy if people gave me hand me down things, but I would give someone the side eye- if they wrapped up a used item and gave it me to me at my shower.

lnle · January 2011

PrincessShay80:

I agree with the PP- call her and offer her some of your stuff- or if she wants to wait until after her shower to see what she still needs- but if you go to the shower you have to bring a new gift, I would get her something small off her registry.

Honestly, I was happy if people gave me hand me down things, but I would give someone the side eye- if they wrapped up a used item and gave it me to me at my shower.

thanks ladies, I think you're right. princess shay - that's what I was thinking. I wouldn't want anyone at the shower to think I was weird/rude/gross for wrapping up a used gift. I like the idea of getting her something new and letting her know what I have so she can tell me what she doesn't get from her registry.

browneyedgrl4282 · January 2011

I would give get her something off her registry but not really big ticket item. I would look for stuff people tend to over see when shopping.

I would also call her and say I have a ton of baby stuff and if you don't get certain things at your shower, let me know first because my stuff is in great shape. It is silly to buy new if someone is offer it to you! I did this with my cousin as well, I told her that certain items are used for such a short time, I would rather her use gift cards and stuff for things she needs all the time like wipes, diapers, and formula. She ended up using my swing and she was glad she didn't buy brand new because her kid hated the swing! She also has my bumbo and bassinet. Plus like I have more than one of items!

BeccaLandes · January 2011

When I saw my neighbor had registered for stuff I had and wasn't using, I asked her what she would prefer-- to get my used thing or a new one. She has taken some of our used stuff, but I also purchased a new item for her shower.

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