worried

rakulman · January 2011

There must be something wrong with me. Im due to have this lil guy anytime now and Im still not bursting at the seams or anything. I keep reading about how everyone is so impatient and excited and counting down the days till LO gets here like its christmas and we are 5 again. But as for me... well I dunno. I feel indifferent. Not excited, not scared, not impatient, not stressed, not anything. Just going in and out one day at a time. I feel as though Im just going through the motions. I got his nursery ready I have evrything washed and put away. I cleaned the house top to bottom. I lay in bed and feel him move around at night but I dunno I don't feel like Im in any sort of rush. Maybe its just me, Im the type of person who doesnt get nervous till I walk on the stage to give a speech. Or maybe its the weather, I tend to get somewhat depressed in the winter with no sunshine and locked inside all day.

I feel so detached from this lil person growning inside of me. Am I going to be a bad mother? Im worried. Im sure that when I see him and hold him and he is somewhat more tangable to me that I will fall instantly in love but right now at this moment Im kinda worried. What if Im some sort of freak who just doent feel connected to her baby and therefore neglets them?

Is there anybody else out there feeling this way? Is feeling this way a lil red flag that after i have the baby I might deal with PPD? Is this something I should even bring up to my OB?

azgrlbride · January 2011

Just as many women are excited or fretful, the feeling of indifference is completely normal as well. The fact that you are usually the type of person who doesn't get nervous until the moment is probably indicative of your personality in general. Don't let anyone tell you that you should feel a certain way. But also do not pressure yourself to fall in love with your baby right away. I have many friends who did not and that's a normal reaction too. I'm sure you will be a great mother. The fact that you are concerned about your feelings on this and that you are all prepared says a lot. GL!

alli&pat · January 2011

When I was pg with DS, I wasn't anxious to speed things along...I wasn't hoping I'd go early...I was just content being pregnant. It's even weird to me now when I see women complaining that they haven't had the baby yet and they're still in their 37th or 38th week. I can assure you that I have a wonderful relationship with my son and I love him so fully and completely. I kind of feel the same this way. I'm excited for our family to grow, mostly because I know how much I get to look forward to. You know this before becoming a Mom, but it's so different when you experience it once and you truly know how exciting it is to watch your child grow. But, I'm not anxious or ready to have this baby in any way, shape, or form. I'm content waiting my few more weeks.

snoopy0510 · January 2011

I pretty much feel the same, except I'm not worried about it. I'm a calm person who doesn't tend to get stressed or excited at all. I'm prepared, I've done everything I need to do, I'm not physically uncomfortable being pregnant, I'm in no rush, so whenever he comes, he comes. It's not that I don't want him to come, but I also don't mind if he takes his time. I don't think that means I'm not excited about the pregnancy or won't be really glad when he's here.

harper80 · January 2011

I feel the exact same way. I'm in no rush for this little girl to arrive, but I am looking forward to not being pregnant

staryeyes · January 2011

I want to echo what these women have said in that it's totally okay to feel the way you are. Some women fall in love with their babies at first sight, many women don't. It's kind of like our husbands, too, right? I know on theknot there were lots of girls who said it was love at first sight. Not for me and DH...it took a while even though I always knew he was a fantastic guy. Of course you'll love your baby, but please never compare what one person says about their "first sight" experience with their baby to how you might feel. For all you know it was the drugs talking for them. Wink

Also if you have a history of seasonal depression, I would mention it to your OB (along with all of your feelings here). I also have had seasonal depression for years and ended up getting PPD with DS...he also had colic during the winter, so it was a trifecta of awfulness. This time my MWs are aware of my PPD history and have recommended a psychologist for me ahead of time and suggesting I come in for a visit with them after my 6-week check up just to give me opportunities to be real with them about how I'm doing. Last time at my 6-week visit it was the very *start* of PPD and I kind of mentioned not feeling right but was quick to try and sweep it under the rug...didn't work out so well to ignore it. Therapy was much more fruitful.

kiley&matt · January 2011

I'm not too anxious to get my little man out, either! I've been enjoying my last few weeks of "freedom." Everything is going to change so dramatically once the baby arrives, so for me, too, I'm just content to keep him in there for as long as he needs to be. It's nice being able to sleep through the night and leave the house to go run errands or see a friend without getting a sitter. I don't think this means you'll be a bad mom. I think it just proves that you understand how much of a life change this is going to be for you and you're not trying to rush it. Besides, for those of us who are going to be first time moms, it's hard to comprehend what exactly it's going to be like, so maybe it won't actually feel "real" to us until it does happen. You'll be just fine

bonnie_belle101 · January 2011

I have been feeling the same way over the last few weeks. I wrote in this weeks blog (that I'm still drafting) that I feel very... flat... not excited, not worried, just flat. I know from experience that this is fairly common for me. It's the same way I felt in the weeks leading up to my husband coming home from his deployment (when we moved in together), it's the same way I felt before our wedding, and the same way I felt before we bought our house. Anytime a big life changing event is approaching it's like my emotions go on strike. I suspect it's my brain's way of protecting itself (and me) from what could potentially be overwhelming emotions.

I went through a time when I was very, very worried that I wouldn't bond with the baby or that I would go into such a deep depression after the birth that I wouldn't be able to take care of her. When I talked about it with my psychiatrist, he let me know that this was not my depression talking, these were the concerns of most first time moms-to-be! He said my (and your) fears were totally normal and not an indication that something was wrong. Now, because of my history (Type II Bipolar Disorder) I have an entire team of people who are keeping tabs on my mental state. My midwife is aware of my diagnosis, as is my psychiatrist who I've been seeing the entire pregnancy (even when I was off my medication), as is my psychologist, and my family who are all on alert to watch out for the warning signs of emotional swings. So I feel confident that even if I didn't see it, someone else would pick up on any problems.

I wouldn't let it worry you too much. We are all approaching a major life change and I think it's understandable to deal with it in your own way. However, I would mention how you are feeling to your OB. It might be nothing, but it would be good for them to have a heads up so they could watch you a little more closely, especially after the baby comes, and so that they can help you tell the difference between what is normal and what is something you should be concerned about. And like my MW said, it's a lot better to address things now, then to wait until you're already in a depressed hole that you have to try to crawl out of on top of having a new baby at home. Good luck! I'm sure you'll be fine!

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