Some nightime success - thought I'd share

nd01 · January 2011

I've posted on here before about sleep issues and lurk a bit. Someone here recommended Ferber's book and just ignore the controlled crying section (it is only 2-3 pages anyway). I was very reluctant because his name is associated with negative sleep training but I gave it a shot. Well, I read the whole thing in a few days and thought there was really good info.

What has been helpful for us in particular is the nighttime weaning issue. I feel that Dr. Jay Gordon's method is helpful if your child nurses a little bit just to go back to sleep but my son was nursing quite a bit and would pull off himself and roll over for sleep. In reading Ferber's book, I realized that my son was actually waking up from hunger because his body had been conditioned to always eat at 12, 2:30, etc. Basically, like any of us, if we got used to a snack at 4:00 every day, we would eventually feel hunger around that time. Basically, Ferber encourages you to lengthen the time between feedings so eventually he doesn't wake from hunger. It has worked well so far and I think it makes more sense for us than Jay Gordon right now because 7 hours without eating would be a big surprise to my son.

The big deviation I do though is to go to him IMMEDIATELY when he wakes. If I can pat his back right when he is stirring, he'll fall back asleep. For a while we were sending my husband in to get him used to it but my son would get all worked up and then I'd need to nurse to calm him down. We figure once he is night weaned, he'll better accept my husband's help at night. I know this last part really varies kid to kid but I thought I'd share it because it is about opposite to everything I've read.

Of course, now, he's getting teeth so we're having a tiny set back but hopefully it'll be back on track soon.

webMistress0609 · January 2011

Ferber's method worked much better for us too. Ari's problem wasn't nursing to sleep, it was the amount of caloric intake at night - same as your LO. I found the method to actually be the most gentle for him (he only cried 2-3 times for maybe a minute over the 5 night process).

LouiseB2001 · January 2011

Thanks for posting this. I have been very reluctant towards anything that mentions Ferber because of the same reasons as most people here. I am just SO turned off any kind of 'leaving the baby to cry'. But we have the exact same problem, DD actually eats a lot during the night, at least 3 'meals'. Last night DH left her to fuss a bit in the early morning (around 4 am) and I remember thinking that this was not CIO because she was clearly not in distress, more like grumpy, wanting attention but almost drifting off. Unfortunately she didn't fall back asleep before DH brought her back to our bed and she had her meal but it did give me a bit of courage to perhaps try and leave her to figure things out on her own a bit more. I am a person with a lot of patience and a flexible job so every day I think to myself "this is not so bad", waking 4-5 times with her and feeding her a bit, leaving her in our bed. But I guess I should think of her as well, she does not *want* to wake up, she does it because she doesn't know how to fall back asleep. She is easy to get back to sleep early on in the evening, i.e. before we go to bed ourselves, but how do you manage to get there immediately? When I am fast asleep I have to wake up from her cry and make it into her room (often discuss who get to go with DH in the process!)

nd01 · January 2011

WebMistress - I think you were the one who had mentioned Ferber that inspired me to get the book because I remember you saying that you didn't have as much success with Jay Gordon (which wasn't working for us at the time). So thank you for posting that - I wouldn't probably have listened had it been posting anywhere else but this board.

And LouiseB - if we are still awake, it is easy but once he wakes up after that, we co-sleep so that makes it easier. But even so, I find that a one minute delay is much easier to deal with than if he spends 7 minutes with his dad because he tends to escalate. I don't work so I think I let it go on for a while for the same reason - figuring I could deal with the waking too. But I guess I think we're at the point where it isn't fair to any of us that he wakes at night - I don't want to let him cry but I also don't want him to never get a long stretch of sleep because he gets hungry. And if I feel worn out from not getting more than 3 hours in a row, maybe he does too?

robyn2201 · January 2011

I have been thinking about this post all day and may have to try this.

Like others the mere mention of the Ferber method makes me cringe a little. DD used to be an awesome sleeper for about 2 months and was STTN till I got sick and we had to put her on formula for 2 weeks. After that she would wake up every 2 to 3 hours to nurse. I haven't really done anything to try and change our routine, as I have just been chaulking it up to just being a phase and part of what life is like with an infant. But boy am I am tired after a long night and then even longer day at work!

jsugrin · January 2011

sweettalkin417:
I have been thinking about this post all day and may have to try this.

Like others the mere mention of the Ferber method makes me cringe a little. DD used to be an awesome sleeper for about 2 months and was STTN till I got sick and we had to put her on formula for 2 weeks. After that she would wake up every 2 to 3 hours to nurse. I haven't really done anything to try and change our routine, as I have just been chaulking it up to just being a phase and part of what life is like with an infant. But boy am I am tired after a long night and then even longer day at work!

I really would recommend reading it, or picking another book that has a lot of info on the different cycles out bodies go through when we sleep ect. I learned a ton of the Ferber book, it even helped me with some of my own sleep issues. Like why if I'm super tired at 8 but I don't go to sleep I then am awake until 11.

3003girl · January 2011

this is a very interesting post. thank you for sharing. i read the ncns and kind of feel like things have gotten worse. maybe i should read the ferber book.

LouiseB2001 · January 2011

I am still a little reluctant to actually go buy the book, perhaps we should have a 'Ferber-go-round' book we can send around to each other, ha ha.

Army_Wife_04 · January 2011

I have been having a really hard time with naps for DS, and so his nighttime sleep has been suffering some as well. Will Ferber's book help me with naptime success? I have read some of NCNS but haven't found anything helpful for my child. The book talks about lengthening naps that are 45 minutes or so, but DS will only sleep 15 minutes, and I am not exaggerating! Should I try Ferber's book, which I too have been reluctant to read? Thanks for any advice.

webMistress0609 · January 2011

Army_Wife_04:
I have been having a really hard time with naps for DS, and so his nighttime sleep has been suffering some as well. Will Ferber's book help me with naptime success? I have read some of NCNS but haven't found anything helpful for my child. The book talks about lengthening naps that are 45 minutes or so, but DS will only sleep 15 minutes, and I am not exaggerating! Should I try Ferber's book, which I too have been reluctant to read? Thanks for any advice.

It could. I didn't find any particular book helpful for naps. He was a horrible napper till 6 months when he dropped to 2, then we had some improvement, but he started napping like a champ when he dropped to one nap around 9 months.

I have found that he has to be tired enough, but not too tired, & there's a short window to hit that sweet spot.

Army_Wife_04 · January 2011

webMistress0609:
Army_Wife_04:
I have been having a really hard time with naps for DS, and so his nighttime sleep has been suffering some as well. Will Ferber's book help me with naptime success? I have read some of NCNS but haven't found anything helpful for my child. The book talks about lengthening naps that are 45 minutes or so, but DS will only sleep 15 minutes, and I am not exaggerating! Should I try Ferber's book, which I too have been reluctant to read? Thanks for any advice.
It could. I didn't find any particular book helpful for naps. He was a horrible napper till 6 months when he dropped to 2, then we had some improvement, but he started napping like a champ when he dropped to one nap around 9 months.
I have found that he has to be tired enough, but not too tired, & there's a short window to hit that sweet spot.

Thanks, I don't know what to do anymore! He will take awesome naps in the car and in the stroller on a walk. I don't always have the car because I stay at home and most days my husband has the car, and although I should walk everyday, the weather doesn't always cooperate. I try wearing him for naps, but he won't fall asleep, and when I can get him to sleep in my arms it's for only a little while. I need him to start napping, even just once a day, for more than 15 minutes! It's exhausting and by the end of the day, I just need a break.

I might try the Ferber book, but I don't really have any high hopes. Liam is just a crap napper.

nd01 · January 2011

I don't remember about naps either - sorry. One thing that made me feel a little better about reading the book, even though I don't agree with every thing he does, is that he defends himself in the beginning saying that he developed his techniques to minimize crying - i.e. going in to see the baby after 5 minutes instead of CIO for hours. Again, we don't do that part but it least it makes me feel a little better about where his heart is. Good luck - we're all in this together!

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