Advice please - for friend who had failed IVF

jenn2929 · January 2011

My best friend's first IVF failed. I am devastated for she and her DH. She's unexplained right now. I'm wondering what advice to give her moving forward (she did asked for advice). I did IUI, so I'm not 100% sure what to tell her and I know you ladies are so generous with support and advice.

They retrieved 20 eggs 9 of which fertilized, which I thought sounded good. They did a three day transfer and tranferred two back and none made it to freeze. Could it be egg quality?

I did suggest she go talk to someone, and had already thought about that. What else should she be looking to do?

Thanks ladies you are the best!

krissyh21 · January 2011

She should speak to her RE to see if a change of protocol would help either with egg quality or overall. If she feels as though this RE may not be the right fit for her, tell her not to hesitate in seeking a 2nd opinion. Sometimes the first Ivf cycle can be a learning process, drs can figure out more on how you respond to get better results the second time around.

OrangeSmoke · January 2011

IVF professional failure here!

As much as I loved asking for advice - what I really needed were some hugs and reassurance that I'm not completely broken. The best post failure email I got was:

"I'm so sorry that the last IVF failed again, you and R are in our prayers. Dh and I have no doubt that you guys will be parents someday, and great parents. It's not a question of if, more like when. In the meantime, please take some time to heal and take care of yourself (and R!). You know where to find me. I'm here for you even if you just want me hold you while you cried and mourned over the loss. We don't have to talk if you don't want to, but sometimes the world just isn't fair and we fall on the wrong side of the odds. The road is long and hard, but totally worth it at the end."

This is from a IRL friend who also battled IF. We are by no means BFF but she always knew the right words.

choco_lab · January 2011

krissyh21:
She should speak to her RE to see if a change of protocol would help either with egg quality or overall. If she feels as though this RE may not be the right fit for her, tell her not to hesitate in seeking a 2nd opinion. Sometimes the first Ivf cycle can be a learning process, drs can figure out more on how you respond to get better results the second time around.

This. My first IVF didn't work and they are changing my protocol for attempt #2. Tell her to talk to her RE to see if they recommend changing protocol or stay on the same path. And why. And if she doesn't like her RE, then change to another.

PrincessShay80 · January 2011

She needs to talk to her RE- it may be a protocol issue- and just changing a few things could make all the difference. Also trying to push her out to a day 5 transfer may help- give the embryos a few more days to mautre so they can pick the best ones to transfer. Honeslty if I were you I would just listen to what she says, she may not want advice right now- everyone is different- some people need time to get over the failed cycle, where as I wanted to just jump back into treatment.

I also was not up for taking advice from anyone who had not been there done that- I felt like they didn't understand. I'm not saying that you aren't being a good friend- but I'm just telling you how I felt. I had several friends who struggled with IF, but ended up getting pregnant without any fertility treatments (it just took time for them) and my sister got pregnant on Clomid- they all tried to be nice and talk to me- but I pretty much said- until you have gone through IVF and had it fail- please don't talk to me. Harsh, but that's how I felt at the time.

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Advice please - for friend who had failed IVF

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