s/o Christmas's post - have you ever doubted TTC?

UFCasey · January 2011

I'm curious as to whether everyone here has always wanted a baby (not necessarily when they were 19 *cough* but maybe at a young age always knew they wanted to be a mom in the future). Have you ever had a time where you doubted whether or not you wanted to have a child? Do you still have some lingering doubts now even though you are TTC?

To answer my own questions: My husband and I had previously seriously discussed a couple of years ago not ever having children because we really have a passion for traveling. We've obviously changed our viewpoints on having children since then, but at times when I see a small child throwing a complete temper tantrum in public, I wonder what I am getting myself into! Then I have to lie to myself and say it's all about parenting and any child of mine will obviously be a perfect angel every day..... ha!

baloneydisc · January 2011

When we first got married I wanted kids badly, but DH wanted to wait. Then I was diagnosed bipolar & spent years trying to get my meds figured out. I didn't think I would be able to go off my meds & since I was having so much trouble taking care of myself I figured there was no way I would be able to take care of a baby. We ended up deciding that IF we had any it would be via adoption. I never really stopped wanting a baby, I really just thought it was better if we didn't have any. Then one day about 2-yrs ago I just decided my desire to be a mother was stronger than my fear of going off my meds. DH was so happy I thought he was going to cry. I really wish we had done this sooner because I've been off my meds for almost 2-yrs now with no issues.

meganruns · January 2011

I've never doubted that I want kids. I would've readily jumped into TTC the day after DH and I got married.

To this day, I haven't changed my stance. I still want kids - all of the tears, tantrums, and 2 a.m. feedings don't alter that a bit. If I doubt it at all, if ever, it is only because it has taken longer than I thought and that makes me wonder if maybe we're trying too hard at the wrong time. Sometimes I wonder if we should chill out on the whole thing and go back at in the summer when we're less stressed. I don't know.

mellymel12 · January 2011

When I was younger (Im talking like before 16) my mom had said that I told her I didnt want kids because they are too expensive and I would have to spend a lot of money on them! haha!

I knew I always wanted kids,and luckily H did too (he comes from a fam of 4,Im an only child) because wanting kids was definitely a deal breaker for me. Ive never once doubted wanting kids, but have definitely doubted myself...like "will I be a good mom?" or "what is this happens or that happens?" etc etc. I keep telling myself, we will make it work. No matter what!

I also think that my miscarriage 100% solidified our desires for a baby. You're entire life changes in seconds...for the better of course And when you lose it, all you do is want it back again. I can't wait for my life to change again!

Fianschneid · January 2011

I didn't really want them until I met DH. Having kids with him seemed different than just having kids - if that makes sense.

Since we got married, we have always said that we could be happy together with or without children and would see what life would bring. In September, we had a big talk and decided we would both like to have children, if we could.

We started actively trying in October.

cantalopes24 · January 2011

Yes. We put off TTC for awhile because we didn't feel ready. I have had a couple freak outs since we started TTC but we have kept doing it because I know we are ready, its just an overwhelming thing. Eta prior to having E I had no desire to have children at all. And we have only had one public tantrum in 4 years. "Santa" brought us a time out bench because the joke is he never miss behaves because he doesn't like sitting on the stairs. I am not a super parent, he is just a good kid.

salt78 · January 2011

I never really cared about having children until I met my husband.

Now I am very excited about the prospect of being a mom. The only issue that has stuck with me is one that is related to the actual pregnancy. I have had problems with eating disorders and body dysmorphic disorder since I was a teenager. I basically have a phobia of gaining weight, even if it is for as wonderful a reason as having a child.

calhoun53009 · January 2011

DH and I are emotionally, physically, and financially ready for this step. We've wanted kids ever since we got married, but had a few things to get in order before we officially started TTC at the first of the year. The only time I "second-guess" this choice is when I think of some of the negative reactions that I know we'll get. There are certain people in our family that are never satisfied with the choices we make and it's really frustrating

These individuals have flipped out on everything from where we chose to live (ummm it's literally half-way in between everything and we did this to specifically avoid issues... hah) to little things like buying a needed household item for ourselves for Christmas instead of wasting money on luxuries (apparently not spending enough on ourselves is a problem to them. grrr)

carstekj · January 2011

I have never doubted that I want children. But I also have never been in a rush to jump into that commitment.

Same with marriage, DH proposed on our 4yr anniversary. It's one of those things, where you know for sure this is the future and both parties agree on it with no reservations.

Is it going to be difficult and hard, heck yes! The key is going in with honest expectations.

brookelynpaisley · January 2011

I've always wanted kids, and he always has too. However, my first impressions of him was that he wasn't interested. It's just that he was terrified of babies since he'd never held one before. He's dying to be a daddy. We've always wanted them, and even talked about names before even being engaged.

doozer1345 · January 2011

I never wanted kids before I met DH. Through TTC we've gone through times where we weren't going to try anymore. It just gets taxing. But, then we remember nothing good in life comes easy, and in this journey we have learned what we both have trouble with: PATIENCE. Which in the long run, we'll need to be good parents anyways

annerz22 · January 2011

Although I am young, I have been ready for a very long time to have kids. I have made some major accomplishments in my life, done everything ''major'' that I have wanted to do in my life and I am happy where I am. DH has always wanted kids, but it wasn't until about 6 months ago that he was really ready. At that point we decided to wait 6 more months to really be sure and just enjoy each other. Now, we are at a point where we are ready in every way (finances, living in a house, emotionally, physically, etc) that you can be. The only reason that we sometimes doubt is because of my SIL. She turns everything into drama and in turn makes everything into a competition. I know that the day we tell DH's family that we are PG, she will go into a deep depression and hate her life (as she did when we got engaged) and then try to figure out a way to ''outshine us'' or sabatoge our happiness. We just know that a time that is supposed to be happy and exciting will in fact be stressful because of her.

JoAnna914 · January 2011

I do not doubt anymore. But my answer to that question would have been different even as few as three months ago. DH and I got married being ambivalent about children at all, and both of us continued feeling that way until quite recently. Part of it was fear of the huge and irreversible change in our lifestyle, part of it was fear of whether we have it in us to do a good job of parenting, part of it was that we had other priorities, and part of it was just plain old not being ready. We've spent a lot of time soul searching and have found that now, we are ready. Luckily, DH and I have been in exactly the same page on this issue during our entire 8 years of marriage.

branmuffin2112 · January 2011

I have always wanted to be a mom. bottom line.

Temp878586125009588 · January 2011

When we were dating and when we first got married, I didn't want children. I was very happy with it just being the 2 of us. However, as time went on, and we began to discuss it more, I realized that I did want to have children, but I wasn't ready yet, and then, the time came last year we both decided it was time and we were ready.

I would also like to say though, When I was in high school, that's all I wanted to be. I dreamed of being a SAHM! lol

ixnay · January 2011

I never wanted kids. I wasn't going to bring another person into this sometimes scary and often sad world, yadda yadda yadda.

Then I got engaged and started thinking maybe I might have a kid. One. Years from now.

Then I caught (as my H says) The Baby Fever. I want to be a momma.

jwls84 · January 2011

I have always wanted Children and if it were up to me I would have started trying 3 years ago when I finished University, but it wasn't the best time. Now that we are trying I finally feel at ease and completely satisfied with life. Even if it takes a year (this is only cycle 2) at least I know I am working toward a dream I have always had.

StephRuns · January 2011

I never "felt" like I wanted to be a mom until recently. My husband felt the same way. Even when we first met, we both didn't think we wanted children. We love to travel, we love to sleep, and we like having free time. But we are now at the point that we're ready to give all that up, if needed, to have children.

foxxy1 · January 2011

I never doubted about wanting/having a child. DH and I were together for two years before we got married. We traveled, partied, did whatever. Truth to be told, I didn't want to start trying until this summer 2011 but I got this overwhelming urge (biological clock) to start trying like now so here I am. If DH had his way, I would've been pregnant we got married last year, lol.

Even though I do wonder on occasion if we can ever be ready for a baby. Not just financial but overall (physically, mentally, date nights, all that stuff). I look at how we're planning for stuff and go, 'Yep, we're ready!' and then I'll think of something else and wonder, 'But are we?' I usually think this when I start adding up how much things will cost!

elandric · January 2011

We've always wanted kids, but up until about two years ago it wasnt something that we were interested in pursuing. I was ready before him, and due to me being back in school we've had to wait. Now, he is more than excited and ready to be a dad. Ive had "the fever" for a while, so there has been no doubt in my mind for a couple years now. As badly as I want kids, I do think I will miss the freedom to do some of the things I get to do now spur of the moment (this doesnt put any doubt in my plan). We were TTA this cycle and DH really wanted to try anyway, so we did and our timing was off- but its ok.

Alliecs11 · January 2011

No, until last yr my husband and I weren't ever sure we wanted children, then it kind of hit me like a ton of bricks. That being said, if we can't conceive naturally, I don't think we will pursue other methods of getting pregnant/having children, but never say never...

Ready4life · January 2011

I always thought I'd have kids. 2 years after being married we were ready to try. But I didn't think I wanted to have more after DD until now.

calhoun53009 · January 2011

annerz22:
The only reason that we sometimes doubt is because of my SIL. She turns everything into drama and in turn makes everything into a competition. I know that the day we tell DH's family that we are PG, she will go into a deep depression and hate her life (as she did when we got engaged) and then try to figure out a way to ''outshine us'' or sabatoge our happiness. We just know that a time that is supposed to be happy and exciting will in fact be stressful because of her.

*sigh* There's someone like this in my family too. They take the fun out of everything

laceyann2008 · January 2011

So I'm going to be completely honest, it might be flame-able but like a PP said, I've got my Big Girl Panties.

Yes, I want to be a mother. Have we had doubts? Yes.
We know that we want this but we are also somewhat scared. This is a major life change, something you can't go back on. Babies don't come with receipts or a 90 day return policy. It's scary and exciting at the same time. We can't just take off for a weekend out of town just because or go to the store or the movies at the drop of a hat for lack of anything better to do. If I think the laundry is piled up now, just wait til I have a LO that demands my constant attention.

If I ever thought I am self-less now, I will find out how wrong I am. I love to take naps, sleep in, go for a run, and hang out with my girlfriends drinking coffee. And these things will change.

Do we think we are ready? Yes. When the time comes, will we be 100% ready? Probably not but we want this and we are going to do it anyways.

cantalopes24 · January 2011

laceyann2008:

So I'm going to be completely honest, it might be flame-able but like a PP said, I've got my Big Girl Panties.

Yes, I want to be a mother. Have we had doubts? Yes.
We know that we want this but we are also somewhat scared. This is a major life change, something you can't go back on. Babies don't come with receipts or a 90 day return policy. It's scary and exciting at the same time. We can't just take off for a weekend out of town just because or go to the store or the movies at the drop of a hat for lack of anything better to do. If I think the laundry is piled up now, just wait til I have a LO that demands my constant attention.

If I ever thought I am self-less now, I will find out how wrong I am. I love to take naps, sleep in, go for a run, and hang out with my girlfriends drinking coffee. And these things will change.

Do we think we are ready? Yes. When the time comes, will we be 100% ready? Probably not but we want this and we are going to do it anyways.

This is so true. I don't think anyone is ever truly ready. Even 4 years into it there are plenty of times I feel unprepared, and scared for #2. How can you ever be ready to shape someones life and create a whole other person with seperate hopes, dreams, and actions?

alison2379 · January 2011

branmuffin2112:
I have always wanted to be a mom. bottom line.

Me too!

tigerhearted · January 2011

UFCasey:
Have you ever had a time where you doubted whether or not you wanted to have a child?

Oh definitely. I went through several years where I didn't think I'd ever want children.

This turned out to be a stress-related phase for me -- I'd been taking care of my parents for several years, had never had a proper childhood of my own, and was recovering from sexual assault.

Once I met my husband and was given a chance to rest and heal, my desire to have kids returned. (I say returned, because when I was a kid and up to 20ish, I'd wanted to have kids very badly -- it wasn't until life started throwing boulders at me that I started not wanting them)

"Do you still have some lingering doubts now even though you are TTC? "

Not really, no. Very rarely I have a minor freak-out, but I think it's within the realm of normal. (this usually happens after a particularly bad story on a parenting community I follow, lol) But I don't have any real doubts.

lilmrsT86 · January 2011

salt78:

I never really cared about having children until I met my husband.

Now I am very excited about the prospect of being a mom. The only issue that has stuck with me is one that is related to the actual pregnancy. I have had problems with eating disorders and body dysmorphic disorder since I was a teenager. I basically have a phobia of gaining weight, even if it is for as wonderful a reason as having a child.

THIS. Very much this. To the point I had to sit down and cry the other day for a few hours. There is nothing in this world I want more than to be a mom. I just have to get over this issue with my body. It will take time.

DH is very excited and the only thing he ever says to me is that he worries he may not be a good dad.

dbob · January 2011

I have never doubted it. Sure it was scary to toss the BC and I wasn't sure how I would react to a BFP - if I would be relieved, scared, or too excited to function. Now that I know it was all three, even though that ended in miscarriage, I am feeling more ready and more sure that we are meant to be parents. That doesn't make me happy that it happened, but I believe in trying to find the best of even the worst situations.

Sandy8168 · January 2011

annerz22:
Although I am young, I have been ready for a very long time to have kids. I have made some major accomplishments in my life, done everything ''major'' that I have wanted to do in my life and I am happy where I am. DH has always wanted kids, but it wasn't until about 6 months ago that he was really ready. At that point we decided to wait 6 more months to really be sure and just enjoy each other. Now, we are at a point where we are ready in every way (finances, living in a house, emotionally, physically, etc) that you can be. The only reason that we sometimes doubt is because of my SIL. She turns everything into drama and in turn makes everything into a competition. I know that the day we tell DH's family that we are PG, she will go into a deep depression and hate her life (as she did when we got engaged) and then try to figure out a way to ''outshine us'' or sabatoge our happiness. We just know that a time that is supposed to be happy and exciting will in fact be stressful because of her.

This. Almost to a tee. Except for us, it's MH brother and SIL. I am hoping we will get pregnant at the same time and it won't be an issue. Although we'll still be ready in many ways that they aren't.

Nikkoli110 · January 2011

I've always wanted kids, for as long as I can remember. I'm just about 5 years older than my sister, and I used to always "mother" her. In elementary school they'd call me the mother hen, I'd always be the one walking the sick kid over to the nurses office, etc. I always loved babysitting, and I'm known as the baby person in the family (I take after my mom!), I'm the one who steals the baby as soon as they get to a family party and won't give him/her up all night lol

Even when DH & I were just dating years ago, he knew I loved babies. When we got married, we decided to wait a year or so, but it got pushed back a little when the economy tanked and we were tight financially. I am SO ready NOW!!! Hope it happens soon

annerz22 · January 2011

Sandy8168:
annerz22:
Although I am young, I have been ready for a very long time to have kids. I have made some major accomplishments in my life, done everything ''major'' that I have wanted to do in my life and I am happy where I am. DH has always wanted kids, but it wasn't until about 6 months ago that he was really ready. At that point we decided to wait 6 more months to really be sure and just enjoy each other. Now, we are at a point where we are ready in every way (finances, living in a house, emotionally, physically, etc) that you can be. The only reason that we sometimes doubt is because of my SIL. She turns everything into drama and in turn makes everything into a competition. I know that the day we tell DH's family that we are PG, she will go into a deep depression and hate her life (as she did when we got engaged) and then try to figure out a way to ''outshine us'' or sabatoge our happiness. We just know that a time that is supposed to be happy and exciting will in fact be stressful because of her.
This. Almost to a tee. Except for us, it's MH brother and SIL. I am hoping we will get pregnant at the same time and it won't be an issue. Although we'll still be ready in many ways that they aren't.

My SIL is in NO WAY ready at all and neither is my DH BIL. Unfortunately for their phantom baby, out of spite, she will try to get PG at the same time just for the sake of having what we have. I don't understand how someone can take something as serious as bringing life into this world and make it a game.

yale · January 2011

We were in the no children boat for a long time. We had DS 6 years into our marriage. I would never go back. He is such a joyous addition to our family. Being a mom and having a child is the best thing ever. I can't wait to make him a big brother.

Wish Upon A Star · January 2011

I have always wanted kids. I used to beg my mom to have another baby so that I could take care of it. I am a preschool teacher, so I think one kid having a tantrum will be a piece of cake compared to 3 at one time- LOL. I knew that DH had a very different understanding of children- he was an only child. He has never held a baby and insists that he "only likes children who are related to him"- but when I asked he could not name any children who have ever been related to him. So- I really didnt want to rush him into anything. When he started talking about wanting a baby- and I saw him looking at kid's things I felt better about moving forward. I know that he is in for a rude awakening- but I'm sure all first time parents are.

laurenbrooke_09 · January 2011

branmuffin2112:
I have always wanted to be a mom. bottom line.

Absolutely this.

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