F/U to dad/girlfriend situation

wifeandmama · January 2011

I called my dad to talk to him about bringing his girlfriend to the party. I was polite, but honest. I told him that I really am not up for getting to know anyone either one of my parents are dating and that I thought it was a bit soon to bring a girlfriend to family event. I also said it might take away from the reason for the party - my grandmom's birthday. He told me he has to "override" my decision and bring her. He asked that I make her feel welcome and I told him (nicely) that I am not interested in forging a relationship with this woman. I also said that it's VERY hard for me to hide my feelings and I do not like this lady. She cheated on her husband with another man - then my dad (while still married AND dating this guy). He has already been hurt by her multiple times. It's jusr more drama waiting to happen.

Not going to this party is not an option sooo should be interesting. I plan to avoid her as much as possible. My only other encounter with her consisted of her offering me unsolicited advice about dealing with sick kids. Fun.

littlemermaid · January 2011

Wow, your dad has been rejuvenated and he's acting like a lovestruck sixteen year old. But he's an adult and will have to deal with the backlash of him bringing his new honey to Grandma's party. You aren't required to "babysit" his girlfriend but do take the high road and be respectful just in case this woman happens to become a long-term girlfriend or future wife. If you cherish your relationship with your father, you don't want to burn any bridges by being nasty to his new girlfriend, whether you agree with her past behavior or not. Your father needs to learn from his own mistakes, so allow him to make them.

wifeandmama · January 2011

I wouldn't be nasty, just have no plans to chit chat with her. This is a very new situation and I do not have it in me to get involved with my parents SOs yet. I am just now feeling ok about the separation and impending divorce.

He is definitely not lovestruck - he is very, very depressed and putting everything he has into this woman because he was with my mom for 30 years and hasn't been alone in a long time. It's a terrible situation.

littlemermaid · January 2011

wifeandmama:

I wouldn't be nasty, just have no plans to chit chat with her. This is a very new situation and I do not have it in me to get involved with my parents SOs yet. I am just now feeling ok about the separation and impending divorce.

He is definitely not lovestruck - he is very, very depressed and putting everything he has into this woman because he was with my mom for 30 years and hasn't been alone in a long time. It's a terrible situation.

I'm sorry to hear that your father is depressed. Then he will need your support now more than you think. Be there for him when needed and hopefully he will come to his senses about this new girlfriend.

pinksweetpea2 · January 2011

::hugs:: I am sorry you are dealing with this. Both of my parents are on their 3rd marriages, so I have a bit more experience with all of this, but that doesn't mean it is always easier.

When my Mom leaving my stepfather I was pretty devastated. They had been married for almost 20 years and were my primary parents- the ones who raised me.

Then she started dating her current husband before my wedding. I admit that I just didn't want to deal with it...so I decided it was best that he not coming to our wedding. My Mom was understanding, but I still feel bad to this day about it- especially since they are now married and I have gotten to know him better.

After the wedding, I did however decide that I was going to be very welcoming of him in every other regard and I did- as did my brothers. His own daughter has been horrible to my Mom and him for the past couple of years and all I can say is that I am glad that I acted like the bigger person.

You don't have to be her best friend, but you will feel better in the long run if you are friendly. I really do understand HOW hard it is though.

I don't know if this rambling is helpful at all, but I just wanted to let you know that I have been there and wish you the best to get through this uncomfortable time.

Mrs.Hizzo · January 2011

I think it's good that you laid it all out for your dad. He doesn't have to abide by your wishes, but at least he knows your feelings on the matter. I agree with the pps that you ought to be polite to his girlfriend, but you're not responsible for babysitting her and you've told your dad as much. He shouldn't be surprised if you are courteous but don't make a point to engage her.

EnglishMajor03 · January 2011

This sucks. It's so sad when you have to be the adult to your parents. I hope you guys can enjoy the party without any drama.

eaglesfan700 · January 2011

Dude, I am so sorry, this whole situation sucks so badly. I hate how everyone is putting you in the middle. Hang in there and hugs to you

Your poor grandmom too, this is her party and I think it is very big of her to invite your dad and be so gracious about the gf. Just try to put your dad and his issues out of your mind and celebrate your g-mom!

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