Being infertile among fertiles

JazzFlute · January 2011

I made some local friends on my local nest board and we have hung out a few times. Two have kids, one is newly pregnant. One just sent us all an email saying that we should get together soon because we haven't seen each other in a while.

I hate that the first thing that came into my mind was "Yeah, like I'll have anything to talk about with two moms and a pregnant chick." What do I do? I honestly can't picture myself having ANYTHING to talk about with them and conversation will turn to babies and pregnancy and so on. I'll sit there feeling horrible.

Last weekend, I went to a jewelry party at my BFF's house. Every person there, besides me and another girl, has a kid (or two). As soon as I walked in the door, I heard nothing but mommy/kid discussions happening. And this was the same night I took a HPT and it was negative after our first IUI. So NOT in the mood to be around people talking about their kids. Luckily, the other girl didn't want to be around mommy talk so we stood in the kitchen the whole night chatting.

I hate that going through this has made me isolate myself. I didn't want to be like this but it is so hard.

abvernon · January 2011

Oh I am sooo sorry about this.

I am in the same boat as I have been surrounded by a PG announcements everywhere. It sucks and I am trying to surround myself among people who are dealing with IF or who are supportive.

Finallyhismrs07 · January 2011

((Hugs)) It really sucks doesn't it?! If you don't think you would have a good time or it will be too hard for you then just say that you can't make it. There is no reason to do things that will make this journey any more difficult than it already is! We are always here for you!

JazzFlute · January 2011

Thanks guys. I just wrote an email to the person who sent the email explaining (probably more than I needed to) that I'm just not in the right place mentally to get together. That I would hate to stiffle conversation but I don't want to put myself in a place where I am nervous, anxious or just plain unhappy.

The weird thing is that I LOVE being around kids. My best friend's two kids: LOVE. My nieces: LOVE. I even held a 6 month old baby at that party I went to. Things like that don't make me feel weepy. Its the talking about pregnancy and motherhood that is tough to be a part of since I have nothing to share.

Thanks for the support. I really appreciate it and love that I have this community to get support.

amor_eterno · January 2011

I am so sorry you're feeling this way. I'm slowly realizing how hard it can be, and I can definitely understand where you're coming from.

Unfortunately, it might be hard to find people IRL that can understand and be sensitive to the struggles of TTC, but I do know that coming to the bump, especially this board, does take away some of the stress and the feelings of isolation. I've only been here a couple of days, but just from lurking and seeing how knowledgeable they are, I know that it's a good place to be to find that support and not feel so alone.

GL!

tshott · January 2011

I actually feel exactly the same way. I've avoided hanging out with certain people because I know that the conversation will eventually turn to kids or pregnancy and I just don't want to deal with that with some people. I'm so sorry that you're going through this.

tst1998 · January 2011

We actually have a small group on our local nest board who are going through IF/TTTC. I've met up with them a few times, and it's been really nice knowing people who are going through this IRL. Maybe you could put out some feelers to see if there are any local nesties in your area also dealing with this?

Mrs.Slick · January 2011

**Papps**:
I would be nice about it, but decline- at least for the time being. I think if you're not in the right mindset right now, it's better to do what's best for YOU.

I agree with Papps. It's definitely hard sometimes (I currently have 6 pregnant coworkers). Sorry you're going through this

maybebride · January 2011

JazzFlute:

Thanks guys. I just wrote an email to the person who sent the email explaining (probably more than I needed to) that I'm just not in the right place mentally to get together. That I would hate to stiffle conversation but I don't want to put myself in a place where I am nervous, anxious or just plain unhappy.

The weird thing is that I LOVE being around kids. My best friend's two kids: LOVE. My nieces: LOVE. I even held a 6 month old baby at that party I went to. Things like that don't make me feel weepy. Its the talking about pregnancy and motherhood that is tough to be a part of since I have nothing to share.

Thanks for the support. I really appreciate it and love that I have this community to get support.

I'm the same way. I can be around babies all day long and not have a huge problem. It is being "stuck" in conversations with other mommies when I'm the only non-mommy that kills me. I feel like I have nothing to contribute.

And don't feel bad for feeling the way you do and not wanting to put yourself in the situation. If you feel it's better for your mental health not to do it, then you shouldn't.

SeptemberBride'08 · January 2011

I'm so sorry your feeling this way.

I'm in the same boat. All my close friends from the nest/bump are pregnant or have kids. For me though it doesn't really bother me because I love them so much and enjoy their kids so much. It does sting at times depending on what's going on in my cycle but they all know what is going on and have been a wonderful source of support.

I hope you feel better soon.

Kathy4678 · January 2011

**Papps**:
I would be nice about it, but decline- at least for the time being. I think if you're not in the right mindset right now, it's better to do what's best for YOU.

I agree with this!! And I have had to do the same thing with certain friends. I just feel like right now- I need to be a little bit good to myself. ((hugs)) to you.

I am Marla Singer · January 2011

I am sorry you are going through this. I totally understand! I have several friends with kids- and I love hanging out with them! But the thought of being around baby talk and pregnancy talk- scares the s*** out of me! I have two close friends that I fear will get KTFU before me- one who just started TTC, and another who will start probably in a few months. I just know that it will be easy for them, and I don't really know how I am going to react...

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