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Success after IF
MrsRyan61804
member
I need to vent about Dh
MrsRyan61804
member
When it comes to the baby I really ask nothing of my DH, mostly because I love being a mommy and spending time with Jack. On a typical day I get Jack up in the am give him his bottle, get him dressed, pack his bottles and food (all while trying to get myself ready) get him in the car, drop him off at school, pick him up, back in the car, change him once we're home, feed him, bathe him, play with him, and put him to bed. Not to mention, do his laundry, and sterilize his bottles.
I know this is all part of being a mom so I don't usually complain. But today I had a really crappy day, the weather was bad and when I got home I really just wanted to take a nap and have some down time. About 20 mins into my nap Dh wakes me up because he had to go p/u the snowblower. Now I know this had to be done but really right now 20 mins into my nap?! I was tired cranky and overwhelmed so I started yelling at Dh. I know we should have taken it elsewhere but in the moment I just lost it. Jack was looking at me and the started crying, he seemed afraid of me! How did I become the bad guy here? I feet totally awful and after a few cuddles all was good again.
It's just not fair! I call my mom to vent and she tells me how I was wrong for yelling in front of the baby, how the snowblower had to be picked up, and reminds me that I have an excellent baby and should not be complaining. The she says this is called motherhood! Thanks mom!! Dh changes a diaper and plays with him for 20 mins and he's dad of the year!
If I ask him to give Jack a bath he tells me he's not comfortable doing that. If I ask him to feed him Jack is covered in the highchair is a mess and I left to clean up. If I ask him to dress him I have to lay everything out for him. It's just easier for me to do it. And maybe this is where I have gone wrong, but it drives me nuts that almost 7 months into this and he still doesn't know how to do things and has to ask me for directions. Really? Just do it!!!!
I very rarely leave Jack with him alone, I think I have been out for two girls nights since Jack was born. I love being with Jack but sometimes I need a break. I just don't think he sees how much I do and how exhausting and overwhelming it can be.
Thanks for listening!
Forever in our hearts
~12/05 * 7/06 * 12/06 * 4/07 * 10/08~
"When the world says, "Give up" hope whispers, "Try one more time"
After 4yrs, 5 IUI's, 2 IVF's, 2 FET's, PGD, and 5 losses our little miracle is finally here!
~12/05 * 7/06 * 12/06 * 4/07 * 10/08~
"When the world says, "Give up" hope whispers, "Try one more time"
After 4yrs, 5 IUI's, 2 IVF's, 2 FET's, PGD, and 5 losses our little miracle is finally here!
This discussion has been closed.
Re: I need to vent about Dh
What you're describing is very cyclical. You don't let him do anything, so he doesn't know how to do anything, so he doesn't try to do anything. I am NOT blaming you - he should be taking more of an initiative to do things with Jack. He's his child too and he needs to take more time.
Can you balance it out? My DH takes Jacob in the morning, changes his diaper, gets him his milk (used to give him a bottle), and gets him going for the day. Then I have some time to ease into my day and I don't feel like I'm doing everything.
Can you get away for a couple of hours on the weekend to get a pedi? Or a massage? Or go sit at a coffee shop and read a magazine? Just to get you some "you" time and give DH some time alone with Jack.
I know its really hard balancing everything and sometimes it is just easier to do it yourself, but then you end up resentful. You're a terrific, super mom! Make DH get in on the action too!
You have Supermom Syndrome. I've got it too, it's ok. We want everything to be perfect for our kids so we do it ourselves. But, we have a breaking point. Then our perfect world comes crumbling around us - because we set ourselves up for it. You had your breaking moment. Now, you'll be Supermom again until the next breaking moment.
I think the age has a lot to do with it. Your hubby will be much more comfortable as Jack gets bigger. Once he's a KID and not a LUMP OF HUMAN (baby) your DH will be able to do more. OR, you'll allow him to do more.
I'm only speaking as if you're just like me. This is how I was. Take a deep breath. I couldn't break the habbit myself until the boys were bigger.
Good luck. May the force be with you.
I think your hubby needs 24 hours of Jack responsibility. That would do him a world of good
Wow, you are such a great mom!! You deserve better than that! Jack is HIS too and you need to have a very serious talk with him about responsibilities. They are half and half in my house and if DH were slacking off I would tell him and hopefully he would tell me.
I'm sorry you are having such a rough one. I hope tomorrow is better!
my dh was like that for while and i finally said enough was enough. You really needed to have him do more with Jack and not let him get away with doing only part of it.
My dh is still not comfortable with giving baths, which is ok with me but if he is with them and they are a mess he now will at least clean them up the best he can snd clean up the highchair and area
As a working mom, for your peace of mind, as well as to promote a strong and healthy bond between your DS and your DH, your DH needs to step up. I think that this weekend would be a good time to have a heart to heart with your DH. Share your feelings and ask for him to do more. Ask him what he is comfortable doing. Talk about ways that you can split chores or duties and commit to putting a/the plan into action.
My guess is that he does not know what you need him to do. You have been supermom for seven months. For your DH, this is, simply, how things are. One of my doctors recently pointed out to me that my doing everything for my LO was depriving them both from furthering their bond and relationship. So, perhaps, try to reframe how you think of it. You are getting the support that you need and your guys are getting time together.
As I said, I need to do more to encourage DH to do some of the things that I do. I struggle with what is realistic and appropriate, as well as balancing the demands of an 18 month old who is VERY attached to his mama. Makes it hard. But, itmis necessary, for all three of you!
ITA. DH didn't really "get it" until he had Ethan to himself for a few days when I went on my first business trip (he had him all-day a few times prior to that but he was only responsible for the 9-5 which doesn't include the middle of the night stuff). You'd think WWIII happened the last two days I was gone but there has been a permanent noticeable difference in the level of support since then (a few months ago). He still doesn't help much with household chores but he stepped up his contributions with some of the over-night stuff, bottle cleaning, and some other baby-related areas. Although I never had a problem with him wanting to spend time with Ethan...but one parent shouldn't get only fun-time and not have to do any of the other stick-in-the-throat stuff.
I agree with the others so I won't repeat everything. Just wanted to say this is one of the areas where having multiples is a benefit - he had no choice but to be very involved, because otherwise somebody wouldn't get fed!
I hope you're able to talk with him and work something out.
Men are clueless! I think you just need to sit down with him and talk to him about all of this! guessing he might feel a little awkward and unsure of himself and you just taking the time to show him a few things, and then letting him fumble through on his own for a while, will help a lot! Who cares if he doesn't match (my DH recently dressed DS in head to toe camo...yeah..we aren't hunters..it was hilarious though and he was so proud of himself!). the hardest part is letting go yourself!! and once you are able to do that, and everyone gets comfy, its so amazing to sit back and listen to them interact....
and if he just doesn't want to help, then he needs to be slapped upside the head and told to grow the eff up!