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2nd Trimester
mrsmonak
member
Does anyone else find this kind of rude?
mrsmonak
member
I'm 24 years old, and to some people I look younger than my age. I don't really mind looking younger, honestly, and I wouldn't even say I could pass for younger than 18. But when some strangers hear that I am pregnant, they give me this look of disgust/shock/horror and ask, "How OLD are you?!" This also happened often when people found out that I was married. It bothers me, because first of all, I'm not sure what difference it makes to them as a total stranger in my life. If I were to tell them I was 16, would they tell me to abort the baby? To get a divorce? I just shrug it off when they ask me, and say something like, "Old enough ..." and change the subject or walk away. I'm just not sure what the point of asking this is. And furthermore, as an excited, expectant mother and happily married woman, I feel disappointed that my happy news would make someone bothered because I may or may not be the age that they would have chosen to be a wife or mother. What if I was 16? What if I didn't plan the pregnancy, but decided to have the baby anyway? What if I planned on putting the baby up for adoption? The baby is already on its way - kind of too late for a discussion on whether or not the person is ready. They can think whatever they want and keep it to themselves, I just think it's inappropriate to give that reaction to someone's happy news (whether it is happy to you or not). I realize it's intended to be an innocent question, but I just wonder if they have ever really thought about how it sounds. That's like seeing a woman who is not married and/or does not have children and telling her you think she is too old to not have these things in her life, obviously not anyone's business, especially not knowing the circumstances. Sorry for the rant ... I guess it just gets to me since it happens so often, and it makes me sad that these people can't celebrate this blessing in my life, or at least not say anything at all. Does this happen to anyone else and does it start to bother you? Or is it just me?
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Re: Does anyone else find this kind of rude?
I understand how you feel. When I had DD I was 21. I also look very young and made a huge mistake of getting a backpack-diaper bag. I'm 100% certain people looked at me hoping I was the nanny.
People are rude. Try not to let it get to you. Elderly people seem to be the worst, at least to me they always were.
I'm 24 too and get told I look younger all the time. I deffinatly get he looks from people...and it gets worse when they find out I already have a little boy (who I became pregnant with at 22 right before my 23 birthday). I always get the look until I tell them how old I am. They must think I'm trying to get a spot on teen mom or 16 and pregnant.
They always give a huge sigh of relief when I tell them I'm 24 and a couple people have asked for my drivers license as proof (a request I ignore).
It is very rude and annoying.
I could have written this post. I was 24 when I had my first, and I still get comments from random strangers about how I don't look old enough to be a mom.
Sometimes I quip back, but most of the time, it's not even worth the effort.
Wow, that's terrible! What is wrong with people? Sorry you have to deal with that ... obviously a much more horrible and offensive thing for people to assume.
I've decided I might start telling people who ask that I'm 11. =P
I get this all the time. I am 21, 4'11" tall and very petite I look 12 seriously. I do not get bad looks at the doctor because most of the pregnant girls there are 18 or 19. But I am definitely preparing myself for trips to the grocery store when I start to show. I understand that I am on the younger side for people TRYING to start a family and it is odd, I side eye people my own age, but the amount of judgment we get is insane. It's not like I am some poor girl who got KU on accident that people need to pity. I am married to a wonderful man who will be a great father, he has a good job we own a home in a nice little subdivision. This was not a mistake and your nasty looks and comments are not going to suddenly make me feel bad about it.
This is horrible. I am so sorry you had to deal with that. I definitely can believe that it happened though, oh wonderful NC.
I was 16 when I had DD, and while the question made more sense, it was just as rude.
I routinely said I was 12. It was fun.
Baby #4; 7/7/2018
That's terrible. I was assisting another stylist at my salon and the client started going on about how unwed mothers are taking up all her tax dollars. She didn't know I wasn't married yet and we had a daughter. I just nodded and I said, "you're so right." then in my head said, "like me, I'm on state health care!" People are ignorant. I didn't feel guilty being on state health care then because I was working HARD but needed to keep my daughter healthy.
And it really doesn't matter that it "made more sense" because you're right, it's just as rude. Nobody knows your circumstance. Nobody knows how old you really are, how financially stable you are, whether the father is in the picture, whether you have a supportive family, what kind of home you live in, etc. Even if your situation isn't ideal, that's not some stranger's business unless the child was being neglected or abused. Not to mention I'm sure getting pregnant at 16 was scary enough without people judging you and trying to make you feel bad about it. Plus what if someone was raped and decided they didn't want an abortion? Do they really need to get a pep talk from some random stranger about "making bad choices"? I'm not saying I have never looked at someone and thought they looked really young to have a child, but I would never say anything to them because I don't know anything about them nor is it any of my business.
I get all sorts of judgment over having a baby at 20, and expecting #2 three months after he was born. The comments last year were annoying enough as it is, and now with a second on the way, people still think I can't handle anything.
I haven't given anyone a reason to think that I need such a tremendous amount of help or advice. I do fine all on my own, thank you very much!! I'm not an idiot kid with almost two babies. Stay out of it!!
And to a PP whose boss said 'the baby is having a baby', my own HUSBAND said this to me! Though, he is almost 30, he was of course only picking on me. But I'd be pretty ticked if somebody else said it.
It doesn't matter how old you are, strangers are going to find something about your life choices to openly criticize. It gets worse once you have the baby. Has he had his vaccines? Is she sleeping through the night? That carrier can't be comfortable. You should put cereal in his bottle to calm him down. In my day...
It's a good idea to come up with a calm response to this kind of thing and brush it off. Saying "I'm old enough" is probably going to come across to people as immature, so I'd probably go with something like "Why thank you! I guess this face cream does work!" Or just smile, nod, and walk away.
I've actually been wispered about for looking "too successful" (I don't even know how to classify it). I go to the local hospital's Women's Health Center for my OB care. Its a very nice office, but it does cater to the lower income because it can't turn people away like private doctors can. At my last appt I was getting checked in and some lady whipsers,"look at her, so dressed up and fancy," and then something else I couldn't hear. I happened to be coming from work so I had on dress pants and shoes and a pea coat. It took everything I had not to say something.
Ahhh yes, I am all too familiar with the "you're too young." Um... I'll be 26 in a month... my fianc? and I were actually engaged prior to our baby coming into the picture and have been together for 4 & 1/2 years. I also haven't lived at home in almost 5 years and my parents pay not one of my bills... I don't care how young I look (most people think I'm 18) people have no right to talk to me the way they do. Most people out right tell me I'm getting fat, or say my face is swollen. What if I was a recovering bulimic? Or was suffering from anorexia nervosa? When they find out I'm pregnant, they say "oh! but you're so young!" The best was when this man at work told me "I believe that young ladies should get their education prior to starting families." I told him off. He of course apologized and said "Oh I didn't know you were the age you were. I thought you were younger." I also told him that if I were younger he would still have no right to pass judgement on me considering we 1) don't even talk at work, and 2) he doesn't know anything about my living situation or life. I realize that people are just rude, especially when a woman is pregnant.
Edit: we also own our home, which surprises most people because of our age. We work hard. REALLY hard... and I know some people think we make good money, but we really don't. We just know how to budget, we spend what we need.
Speechless. That's completely immature and ridiculous of them to say such things. I swear, people need to filter their thoughts. Did they not watch Bambi?!
I was 23 when I got married. I got pregnant on our honeymoon and had the baby at 24, I was a college graduate, in graduate school and we owned our own home. I had to deal with the same kind of idiots. It sucks. My fingers were so swollem, I took my wedding band off and received lots of negative comments from strangers after I did.
I'm in the same boat as all of you. I'm 22, will be 23 when LO is born and get looks/questions all the time. I notice people checking to see if I have a wedding ring on and I whip it out to make it obviousI know what they're checking for. I got married at 21 and people did the same thing about that ("Why would you ever get married so young?!", etc, etc). The "right time" is different for everyone.
It's funny because when I'm out w/ my husband we get looks also and people ask our age difference (who would ever do that?!) He is only one year older, but looks about 10yrs older and there is also a 16 inch height diference. Some people joke that I look like his child...ugh.
Natural mc @ 8 wks in Nov. '07, dd born 4/23/11, natural mc @ 6 wks in April '12, bfp 6/11/12...praying for a sticky baby!
Ick. I totally feel ya. I'm 22 and look pretty darn young. I had a lady working in the store ask me if I'm graduating high school before the baby is born!? I just looked her in the eye and said, "I'm actually 22 and a college graduate, thanks". She just nodded and "ahhhh'd".
So damn annoying. Even if I was young and knocked up, it's none of your concern!