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Parenting after 35
Bottles vs breastfeeding: WWYD?
Hi all, I am looking for your opinions on something.
I currently work full time from home and since Noah is also here with our nanny, I have been nursing him during the day instead of pumping. My reasons for choosing to nurse were that I am concerned I would not be able to keep up with his demand if I pumped and I am also concerned I would not be able to stick to a 3x a day pumping schedule once my work gets more demanding (this is based on my experience last time with Ellie). If I am nursing him, it forces me to stop work and take care of him when the nanny brings him to me AND I know he is more efficient than the pump so it should be helping to maintain my milk supply.
All that said, I am starting to wonder if I should consider pumping instead of nursing. Recently, he seems to be nursing less during the day - as in, he nurses for a much shorter time and often refuses the second side. I think some of it is that he gets distracted by activity and noises around him - actually, I am hoping that is most of the problem. Since he is also waking up 3-4 times at night, I am worried he isn't getting enough during the day and has to nurse a lot at night to make up for it. And I really want him to sleep more at night - that is actually what is triggering this thought process. I thought that perhaps if he were taking bottles he'd be more likely to get in a full feeding since he can finish a bottle much more quickly and I would know how many ounces he is eating and could figure out a schedule to make sure he gets the bulk of his meals during the day.
So - what do you think? Would you risk the impact to milk supply and possible introduction of formula if I can't keep up with him by pumping? Do you think there is a good enough chance that he might sleep more if I do this? We are so tired all the time and I know I can't fit in any more nursing sessions during the day. I'm honestly not even sure if his waking up that much at night is really due to needing to eat more but attempts to just soothe him back to sleep without nursing work less than half the time. I am desperate to try something to get us all more sleep. DH told me about a coworker who has a baby about Noah's age and she "taught" her daughter to STTN by just giving her a paci at night instead of feeding her when she woke up, but I just don't feel comfortable doing that to him, at least not at this age and not when I'm worried about his daytime feedings.
Any thoughts at all would be appreciated!!
Eleanor Paige, born 3/27/08
Noah Christopher, born 10/2/10
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Bottles vs breastfeeding: WWYD?
Since I formula fed, I shouldn't really comment about the pumping/breastfeeding but I wanted to say something about what your DH's coworker said re: STTN.
Aaron self-weaned from his night bottle around that age. He just stopped waking for it a few nights. So the one night he did wake, I gave him a pacifier and rocked him (no bottle) and he fell back to sleep. Overall he dropped that night bottle (with some exceptions when he was STARVING) at 3 months and STTN about 75% oft the time for 2-1/2 months (from 3 to 5.5 months) then he cut his first teeth and didn't consistently STTN again until 9 months.
But, again, I knew how much formula he took during the day and he was at 36 oz or so. He didn't need the formula in the middle of the night. His last bottle was around 8:30 pm and he woke at 5:30/6 am for his bottle--then fell back to sleep nearly immediately for another hour or so. (This was at 3 months... things changed as he got older.)
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First off, I hated pumping but did pump 2x a day until T was 10 mths. If there was an option to nurse, I would have. As they get older they get better at nursing so the actual time it takes them to eat decreases. T has always used the paci and STTN since about 2 mths. When she was Noah's age we would have to get up and help her find the paci to go back to sleep.
Could he be getting just enough during the night to put him back to sleep but not full enough to go the rest of the night? Can you minimize his distractions while nursing during the day? How does he eat right before bed or in the evening? Will he take a bottle?
Do
First off, I hated pumping but did pump 2x a day until T was 10 mths. If there was an option to nurse, I would have. As they get older they get better at nursing so the actual time it takes them to eat decreases. T has always used the paci and STTN since about 2 mths. When she was Noah's age we would have to get up and help her find the paci to go back to sleep.
Could he be getting just enough during the night to put him back to sleep but not full enough to go the rest of the night? Can you minimize his distractions while nursing during the day? How does he eat right before bed or in the evening? Will he take a bottle?
Do
youDD -- 5YO
DS -- 3YO
(My computer is crazy today)
Could you try to "top him off" with a bottle before he goes down for the night and see if that will get you more sleep? It wouldn't bother me one bit to have to give some formula if it got me more sleep.
Sorry, I may have had more questions than advice. GL! Hope you get more sleep soon.
This is a tough one - and before I say anything else, let me say that take comfort in the fact that you, as his mama, know best and it will all be okay no matter what you decide. I will give you my take on things based on my experience and my DD, I hope it helps. I worked away from home 3 days a week starting at exactly this time last year (DD was born 10/2/09 so our kids share a birthday one year apart!) I was able to pump 2x per day at work and keep up my supply, but keep in mind that I was only away 3 days per week, not 5 which I think did help. That being said, DD ramped up her night nursing right about the time I went back to work, which inspired ALL sorts of mommy guilt, I thought she wasn't getting enough milk when I did BF, that she missed me too much during the day and was waiting for me at night, I read all sorts of literature on reverse cycling. It got really bad, to the point where she ramped up from nursing 2x per night at 4 months to 5-6x per night by 7 months. I don't say this to scare, only to share my experience. In retrospect, did I let her take advantage? Absolutely!! In the short term it made me feel better, because I felt like I was giving her what she needed. However, in hindsight I wish I had gently limited the night nursing more, which would have left her hungrier during the day and we both would have gotten more sleep!
Here's what we did to solve it (which won't help so much with the pump vs. BF question but perhaps will help with the night nursing issue). I kept track of her shortest time in between night feedings and increased the time between by 30 minutes per night. So the first night she nursed every 2.5 hours instead of every 2, the next night every 3 hours and so on. IMO, its a gentler way to taper them off night feeding if they are nursing a lot and will gently get them into feeding more during the day. You'll need DH's help to soothe at night because you know as soon as you go in, DS will want to nurse. It should only take a few nights so DH's or SO's extra duties won't last long. For us it was a week, but remember we were in a crazy situation of nursing every 2 hours! How I survived that time I still don't know.
As to pump vs. nurse, for me, I would say if I had the option to nurse, I would choose that over pumping, as LO is more efficient in getting the milk out vs. the pump. But again, a very personal decision and if you feel like you'd have more peace of mind knowing exactly how much DS was getting, by all means pump, he's still getting the gold, just a different way. Perhaps build up a stash first if you can so you have a reserve in case your supply goes down? I did that and it made me feel better to have it there in case I needed it. And we did end up using all of it in the end. I just pumped after I nursed to make sure I wasn't taking anything from DD and giving her the opportunity to get all the milk she wanted first. I hope this makes sense and is helpful in some way. I feel for you, its a tough decision no matter what you do!! But again, it will all be fine, you're feeding your baby and that's what matters most!! GL.
Trying to answer some of the questions in your various replies:
I have a baby scale and do weighted feedings with him every so often. I mainly get to do them in the morning and have found that he will get about 4 oz from me when he does a normal feeding from both breasts. At least once when he was a bit younger I weighed him and found he took a little over 5 oz. I've pumped a few times as well and if I pump in place of a feeding I can get just about 4 oz, sometimes less if it has been a shorter time since he last ate.
I think now if he is getting less it is more likely that he is too distracted to finish nursing. He definitely nurses well at night when he is sleepy and not distracted, and it's more during the day that he seems to stop earlier than I would expect. Nursing right before bed is usually pretty good, because I can go into my bedroom and keep it dark and calm and quiet, something I can't do when I'm working or right after work when I'm here alone with him and Ellie. He usually falls asleep while nursing that last time and stays asleep for at least 2 hours, sometimes 3. A couple of his wakeups at night are only an hour after he's gone back to sleep and I have been able to soothe him without nursing a couple times, but it doesn't always work; he may go back to sleep but when I lay him down he wakes up immediately.
A couple of other things we are going to try are to start following more of a regular bedtime routine with him and try to get him into bed earlier in case he is getting overtired (he usually goes to bed between 9-10; I nurse him after getting Ellie to bed and her bedtime varies between 8-9).
I think maybe I can try pumping during the day for a week and see how it goes. If it doesn't seem to help maybe I can go back to nursing him again with minimal impact to supply. I am just really hesitant to start with formula because I did with Ellie and my already weak supply went down the toilet - I am paranoid about it now.
Thanks to all for the suggestions and advice!!
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I am sorry you are having difficulty. He is only 3 months, so it is normal to still be waking at night. I would find a nice quiet place to nurse if he is distracted easily. Without the TV or computer around. You could pump, a lot of working moms pump - I use to pump with my first & had an amazing supply (he could not nurse) - an insane supply from pumping only. Personally I would not supplement that will hurt your milk supply & it might not make much of a difference to sleeping. He is still so little ; ) Give it time things will get better!
I would continue nursing and not pump unless you want to build a freezer stash. I'm convinced that my supply drop-off with DD#1 was due to my having to pump at work. My body wasn't able to adjust as she grew and needed more as well as it could have if I were nursing full time.
As our babies get bigger they get much more efficient in their nursing. A session that used to take 20 minutes can now take 5 or 10 because they are stronger and able to suck harder and take in more at a time. If he's happy, growing, making messy diapers and so on, stick with what is working.
I personally would wait until about 5-6 months before going with the paci during the night for soothing instead of nursing. I'm still up once or twice a night with my 4.5 month old and will continue to get up with her until she is able to make it through a night on her own a couple times. Once she shows me she can do it, then I will go with the paci at night route and DH can start sharing the overnight burden with me.
DD#1 - January 2008
DD#2 - September 2010
Thanks again to all of you for your input! I think sleep deprivation just makes me crazy (as it does to anyone) but I have just been feeling so torn up about this. I feel as though it is somehow my responsibility and duty to figure out how to make him sleep longer at night and if I can't figure it out, then I'm failing somehow. It is doubly hard when my family members are trying to be "helpful" by offering suggestions or guidance about how to get him to sleep more, and instead they are just reinforcing my sense of inadequacy.
One thing that made me feel better is that I revisited an online journal I kept for Ellie for a while and found an entry where I noted that she had finally started sleeping for longer stretches at about 4 months old. And she actually turned out to be a really consistent sleeper; she woke once a night till she was close to year but it was always about the same time and she slept long stretches before and after.
In my heart, I believe that he is just not ready to sleep all night. He is a big boy and is growing really fast and I think he just honestly needs to eat more often. And yes, he probably isn't eating as much during the day as he could, but it is going to be very difficult for me to really do anything about that without giving up nursing him myself and for now, at least, I am convinced that will have a longer term negative impact. So I guess I am just talking myself into realizing that it is more important to me, right now, to keep feeding him myself even if it means sacrificing my sleep (and DH's too, hope he doesn't mind). There are some other things we can try first like an earlier bedtime and a more set routine before bed and see if that makes a difference.
Thanks for everyone's advice and input, it really helps to hear from more "objective" sources and has helped me to feel a little better about this whole situation.