Sister had a M/C at 12 weeks, going in for a D&C on Friday, any advice?

Ndsmommy · January 2011

My sister found out yesterday that she had a m/c. We are pretty close, but I don't always know what to say during these times. Any advice on what I can say or do? I'm bringing dinner over for her and her DH and toddler today. Anything to do or say after the d&C? My sister is trying to be strong. I basically just held her hand yesterday and told her I am so sorry. I would really love some advice because I want to be there for her and to help in any way I can. TIA!

MegMeg0913 · January 2011

The best advice I can be is just to be there when she needs you. There are not a lot of things that you can say to make it better. I feel that the "it was meant to be" or " it was gods plan" really did not help. For me, it just hurt to hear those kind of things.

Also being sensitive to the fact that babies and pregnant women will be a sore spot also helps. My sister would steer me away from them when we would go shopping. It was a quiet gesture but it helps and means a lot.

Good luck and thank you for asking. I hope that things go well for yous sister.

tonesq · January 2011

I would just add try not to constantly tell her you are sorry now that you already said it. And don't give the sad puppy dog look. I hate that everyone is always looking at me with such pity. It is just another reminder. You know?

BritanyV · January 2011

Ask to take their toddler so that her and her dh can grieve together without having to worry. During the time between finding out about the m/c and the D&C, my inlaws came into town and stayed with us to watch our son. It was such a big help to us.

Muffinhb · January 2011

my husbands brother and his wife came over with dinner. and she was so sweet offered to do house stuff that i needed done. was a HUGE help for me. But she her self has had 4 miscarriages which also helped knowing that she knew what i was going through

lisaNDmike08 · January 2011

you are so thoughtful for bringing dinner over! the thing that has meant the world to me is my friends checking in on me every day (phone, email, text, visit, etc.) or so to get a read on how i'm doing. we don't always talk about my m/c or sad things, but i feel so loved and supported by knowing they are right there for me and ready to listen and keep me company. hugs are great too!

starrynyt · January 2011

Looks like you've already gotten some good advice, but one thing that I really appreciated was the couple of friends who continued to check in with me to see how I was doing 1 week, 2 weeks, 3 weeks later, etc. By that point many other people forget, but the person going through the loss is still feeling it emotionally and can really start to feel alone. It's nice to know that people are still thinking about you. It's nice of you to seek out some advice -- you're a good sister.

corndog8 · January 2011

I agree with the post above me -- sounds like you've gotten some great advice already. My mom and sister came to see me the weekend after I had my D&C (I had it last Thurs, they came Sat.) It was nice seeing them and just knowing they were there for me. My sister was there to hug me, hold my hand, and just listen. Listening without having to say alot was so nice... and they helped us with making dinner, doing dishes and some laundry. Sounds like you are on the right track

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