When you are trying to declutter, how do you handle a cluttered DH?

mrsfirefly · January 2011

DH has serious issues when it comes to getting rid of stuff. For example, he has to keep audio cassettes of 7 Habits of Highly Effective People (I don't think he has ever listened to it). He is keeping videotapes even though our VCR broke 2 years ago. He has clothes that are out of style and two sizes too small (way more clothes than I have). He was 6 Billy bookcases of books (actually, he had more, but he got rid of several boxes of books when we got married), some of the books are duplicates and some are high school textbooks, for example. He can't part with anything that once belonged to a dead relative. I'm fine with sentimental belongings, but I don't believe in feeling like you have to keep something just because it once belonged to someone. He has about 5 boxes of unorganized papers around his desk (which is in our bedroom). He keeps jelly jars that his parents clean and give him because he likes to drink out of them (or did years ago). What do do? Help! I am trying so hard to make our house nice and uncluttered, but it is a constant battle with him!

JOEBunny · January 2011

My DH isn't that bad, but he wants a bigger house, in part because he keeps too much crap. We have a room that could be a really nice reading room, but instead, it is has overflowing book cases with his junk. Do we really need that 10 year old laser printer, even if you paid $500 for it? I think not.

Stacyc625 · January 2011

threaten to sign him up for the show Hoarders?

mrsfirefly · January 2011

Stacyc625:
threaten to sign him up for the show Hoarders?

Ha ha! When we watch it I remind him that I'm the one keeping him from that : )

Stacyc625 · January 2011

I remember when i was pregnant with Gisele- i started a MASSIVE decluttering phase. (and I have been doing it since). I dunno- something in me was like, 'why on earth are we keeping this stuff?'

My rule of thumb- if you haven't touched it in a year- it goes.

istalkgeeks · January 2011

Since I do the laundry, I go through the clothes. If something looks worn, raggedy, etc - it goes. For the most part my DH doesn't notice and I never do it to a favorite.

When I was pregnant I boxed up lots of my DH's crazy stuff and put it in the garage. It wasn't the best solution, but it got it out of our extra bedroom aka DH's BIG CLOSET OF JUNK.

Whenever the garage becomes a mess, I just call DH out on it. He knows he is really messy and a bit of a hoarder, so he will suck it up and go through his stuff on occasion. Then he forgets and starts collecting more junk again.

lms_bride · January 2011

Have you tried talking to him about the "why" he keeps all the junk? That may not do any good anyway (he'd have to want to do some serious introspection) but there's probably something behind it. My husband has a tendency to hold on to things and I have to talk him through letting things go. He's actually come a long way.

My other, more reasonable thought is... why not just let him designate one room or space for all this crap? Whether it be a spare room or a corner of the garage. He can keep whatever he wants (cassettes, VHS, papers, figurines, books, whatever) but it needs to be in his designated space (almost like a man cave, except instead of being cool it'll be full of his junk) and NOT in the rest of the house (ie bedrooms, the family room, kitchen, etc). Its not fair to you that you have 5 boxes of papers in your bedroom because he has issues with letting things go. I wonder if he had a designated space for it all and actually saw it all in one place if that would help some of it sink in. Right now it sounds like it's spread all over the house so maybe it doesn't feel like a lot to him. Just an idea.

Brina Bean · January 2011

I agree with designating a space. We also compromise and get started by getting rid of half of whatever it is he's been collecting(half of his old hats, half of his old shoes, etc...or whatever is reasonable to you both). Good luck!

Kim&Jim · January 2011

I so could have written this post!! He gets it naturally as his mom kept almost ALL of his toys from when he was little and now she things we need it. Um....nope. I think toys that are 40 years old and have been stored in a basement belong in the garbage.

I deal with DH by making sure he keeps his junk in rooms that other people don't see. It still annoys me but at least no one else has to see us and judge. Big Smile

jallen76 · January 2011

Stacyc625:

I remember when i was pregnant with Gisele- i started a MASSIVE decluttering phase. (and I have been doing it since). I dunno- something in me was like, 'why on earth are we keeping this stuff?'

My rule of thumb- if you haven't touched it in a year- it goes.

THIS...and hour house is looking great, thanks to Craig's list too!

Let me quote some out of the book "Sink Reflections": pg 22-29

""Clutter can't be organized!!!!!" When you have too much stuff in too small a space your home can't breathe, you can't breathe, the clutter will take over, and you will feel smothered in your own home. Clutter is things that do not bring you joy, you do not love, or you do not need. Things that you use, love, and enjoy are necessary and important to have. Things that you have in your home that you don't need or don't like will have the opposite effect on you: they will make you feel negative and dragged down.

Clutter is disorganized...it can keep you living in the past, or reliving the past...it causes problems in you family...it makes you feel embarrassed and ashamed...it has a way of taking over our lives before we even know it...it has to be conqured...clutter-filled homes are not welcoming to family or friends. Clutter does not allow your mind and body to rest. Clutter loves to make you sick. Clutter attracts dust which then can affect your health...."

"What can you do...Everytime you buy something new, take the bag or bags that they came in adn pack up a similar item to give away or throw away. If you cannot find a similar item to dispose of, then you get to pick out two unrelated items to toss."

Throw it away. If you don't love it...throw it away. If it doesn't make you smile, get rid of it.

"Set the timer for 15 minutes...once every day. Grab a box, and go through your home as fast as you can, collecting things to give away. Speed is the key. Don't think about it and talk yourself out of tossing the clutter. As soon as you have the box filled take it out to the car to be disposed of at a local charity or trash. Don't tease yourself into believing that you can have a yard sale and recoup your wasted money. There is no way that you are ever going to get back what you have spent, so forgive yourself for the waste and let it go to bless another family."

"Clutter attracts more clutter!"

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