Those with twins and another child

jlefief · January 2011

How hard is it REALLY? I went through so much to get pregnant with these little miracles, that anything hard is nothing worth complaining about to me. My daughter will be almost 3 when they are born and I plan on being a SAHM for at least the 1st year after that.

Hubby travels a lot for work. Typically he leaves on a Tuesday and back on Thursday, sometimes longer, sometimes less. Regular office hours in the office when he is home. He has mentioned several times the idea of hiring a nanny for a few days a week for a few hours. I was insulted by this initially. I say let me try it on my own for a while before you already "assume" I can't handle it. We have tons of family around, so its not like I have NO options for help.

I know the first few months will be hard before they sleep thru the night (I was neurotic about this and had DD sleeping thru at 7 1/2 weeks). But that is such a short time to get through and then it has got to get a LITTLE relief, right?

Am I having lofty dreams here? Should I consider what he is offering?

laceymb · January 2011

My daughter turned 2 three weeks after the twins were born. I have been a sahm the whole time. DH helped when he was home but other than that I didn't have much outside help. It can absolutely be done but until they are sleeping well don't be shy about accepting an extra helping hand when its offered.

MamaCrystal · January 2011

You'll be fine with an almost-3-year-old! By that age, she'll be independent enough to understand that she'll need to wait a minute for your help sometimes. She'll also be old enough to enjoy "helping" you out by grabbing a diaper when needed, throwing something away, maybe even holding a bottle. Our older guys LOVE helping out and getting all the praise as a result : )

Our oldest was 2y3m when our 2nd was born... I thought that was a great age gap. Our 2nd was 16 months when the girls were born... that was quite a bit more challenging.

ETA: You may want to interview for a "mother's helper" type position ahead of time. That way, if you end up feeling like you need a break while hubby's gone, you'll already have someone to call.

jlefief · January 2011

Thanks ladies - I know it won't be easy, but I am pretty sure I can do it! Glad to hear I am not the only one!

Sydnee already LOVES playing dolls. She is constantly changing their diapers, feeding them bottles. Heck, she will be diaper pro by the time they are born!

meagamomma2be · January 2011

I would plan to have help when your DH is gone, even if it's just a family member that comes over for an hour so you can get out and go to the store or something. I would go nuts if I went three days w/ no relief.

So while I think you can handle it, make sure you take care of yourself too.

jennie13 · January 2011

honestly, it depends on the type of babies you have. If my twins were as mellow as my older DD, I would not have needed as much help as I had. (full time daycare for DD for 6 weeks, DH home from work at 4, occasional sitter). But my babies have reflux, both screamed constantly their first few months, didn't nap longer than a half hour at a time, and I would have lost my mind if DH traveled. I knew it would be hard but I had just no idea how hard.

wonder-kitty · January 2011

It's hard!! So much harder than I ever thought it would be. There's been a lot of crying and it's not always the babies that are crying! Take your dh up on this offer. My dh works from home so he's around if I really need an extra pair of hands. I would not have been able to handle this by myself all day and all night. The lack of sleep is killing me.

SoldiersGreenBean · January 2011

jennie13:
honestly, it depends on the type of babies you have. If my twins were as mellow as my older DD, I would not have needed as much help as I had. (full time daycare for DD for 6 weeks, DH home from work at 4, occasional sitter). But my babies have reflux, both screamed constantly their first few months, didn't nap longer than a half hour at a time, and I would have lost my mind if DH traveled. I knew it would be hard but I had just no idea how hard.

There is so much truth in this. If your babies are pretty content, it would be manageable although draining. If your babies are very needy, it might make you crazy.

FWIW, I have pretty content babies. Until about 6 months, I wanted someone with me whenever DH was gone. It made life just enough easier that I wasn't pulling my hair out.

IAM4UK · January 2011

DD#1 was 2 weeks shy of turning 3 when I had the twins. To be honest, if she didn't go to school during the day, I would have probably shot myself already. Weekends are hard when all 3 kids are here including DH! It's not that its hard, it's exhausting. DD#1 hardly takes a nap, so you can't lay down when the babies are sleeping. She requires a lot of attention. I have pretty laid back twins as well - at least I think.

All of my attention is given to the kids that there is literally no time for housework at all - basic cleaning and picking up. My mom is still coming over just to help and allow me to get caught up on the housework.

jlefief · January 2011

Oh man - the first 2 responses were much less scary. Smile

We do have a cleaning lady (that I swear is the best on the planet!). And daughter goes to daycare full time now and I think we will leave her in it after they are born. Maybe not full time, but at least part time.

But for the days he is gone, you guys are saying what he is telling me. He is just suggesting it for help while he is out of town. Sounds like I should do what was suggested and maybe interview people to have someone on Stand-By.....just in case. That way I can try it out on my own and see how "content" the babies are and how daughter is at that stage. Then cry for help on the lady ready to go if needed.

sugarpie27 · January 2011

Our older daughter turned 3 about 2 weeks after our twins were born. I'd say the hardest time to do everything on your own is when it's time to get the babies to bed. If you trust your older child to be on his/her own around your house for about 40 minutes or more, I'd say you'll be OK.

Also consider if you have a high stress tolerance for everyone crying for something at the same time. Usually I can handle things fine, but a few times a week I just want to tear my hair out and then hide somewhere with a bottle of wine.

FloF9 · January 2011

My twins were 2 years 10 months when #3 was born. They have always been very active alpha b/g twins. Needless to say in my case, once the baby was born they were really needy and demanding. Fast forward to 9 months later, we're still taking it one day at a time but it's definitely better. Once the baby becomes mobile it gets a little easier.

janjag · January 2011

I agree w/pp that it depends on the babies. Also, depends on if you are BF/pumping, and if you have challenges there. If you can get them on the same sched (mine would not) it helps. If they are premature STTN (and other milestones) can take longer depending on gest age. Depends on how your pg goes too, and if you have a vag delivery vs. c/s.

Glad to hear you have a good housekeeper! Does she cook? Maybe someone could make you some things to put in the freezer in portions. Since you have another LO, it's not like you can just get by on Lean Pockets

You have experience as a mom, so that works in your favor! Not at all saying you CAN'T do it! But, it would be nice to have the option of some help, esp for when DH is not available.

Dec31stBride · January 2011

Yes, get help! The first year is totally different when there are 2 of them, and when you also have a toddler to care for. Exhausting doesn't begin to describe it.

Dinner to bedtime was the worst for us early on, and taking the babies with me to drop off DS at daycare was pretty unpleasant too.

Temp6313048411121614 · January 2011

It was terrible for the first couple of months. Now that they interact more, they're actually easier than my 3 y.o. Personally, I would be thanking DH in a very special way if he said we could get a nanny (unfortunately we don't have the money for a nanny).

ougrad1 · January 2011

Dec31stBride:
Yes, get help! The first year is totally different when there are 2 of them, and when you also have a toddler to care for. Exhausting doesn't begin to describe it.
Dinner to bedtime was the worst for us early on, and taking the babies with me to drop off DS at daycare was pretty unpleasant too.

This exactly. Even if you make it through the day, the dinner time hour is hell. Everyone needs something like, yesterday.

On down the line you'll be able to judge everything better but, in the beginning get some help-even if it's a teenager from across the street that comes over at five, sits in a chair and holds one of the babies for an hour or two.

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