If you had an unplanned/unexpected C-section....

ladipale · January 2011

Did you deal with some tough feelings afterwards?

I thought I was doing fine the first few days after Ellie was born. I felt like I had made all the right choices for her safety, but now I'm doubting myself and wondering if I could have done more. We wanted an intervention free birth, but had every intervention available.

John, our doula and my doctor all say there really wasn't much more anyone could have done. Ellie's head and size and my body were just not compatible.

I'm sad I didn't get the med free birth I had envisioned and sad that I may never get a chance in future pregnancies.

Tell me I'm normal for having these feelings.

NorcalLinds · January 2011

I didn't have an unplanned c-section. But I just wanted to say that post partum hormones are unreal. And its totally normal to feel sad about not having the birth that you had wanted. It sounds like it was a traumatic event for you and John. Big Hugs L, I hope you find peace with what happened.

maryh01 · January 2011

First of all...how beautiful is that siggy picture?!?! She's gorgeous!

I think you are completely normal for having these feelings. Mine was scheduled and there was absolutely nothing I could do about it...talk about feeling sad. I feel the exact same way about breastfeeding. I had little to no supply, tried everything, but ultimately gave up. Now I'm wondering should I have done more, could I have done more? I think it's totally normal, especially with all the crazy postpartum hormones right now. The most important thing is you are all healthy and home and that's all that matters. This too shall pass!

MadameD517 · January 2011

I hope you don't mind me chiming in. I'm not speaking from my own experience but I've had friends that have gone through exactly what you are feeling, so at the very least you are not alone. They also planned med free births (one was supposed to be at home with a mid wife) and ended up with a c-section and everything that goes along with it.

I'm sorry that you didn't get the experience you had hoped for.

fjaril · January 2011

I still have sad twinges about the c-section. I keep wondering if we let him bake a little longer, would it have worked out in the end or was his head really too big.

In the end, it didn't affect my ability to nurse (a big worry), it wasn't as hard a recovery as I thought it'd be. I want to try vbac next time around, but hopefully if I have another c-section I'll be able to jsut take it in stride.

My kiddo was healthy and that's all the matters in the end right?

Just try not to beat yourself up too much.

StefandTodd · January 2011

I'm so sorry you're having these feelings, L.

SarahCee · January 2011

I think that the feelings that you are having are totally normal. I was planning on having a med free birth also, but threw in the towel at 6cm. Although I was fortunate enough not to have a c/s, I still wonder how worse it would have gotten without the meds. Just try not to dwell on it, there are definitely a few upsides to having a c/s, as far as the healing process goes ;-). As far as the future, there may be other things that you can do to prepare your body if you choose the vbac route. Like pp said, post-partum hormones are ridiculous, they make you a little crazy..

ps- she is absolutely beautiful :-)

Lexi & Orion's Mommy · January 2011

totally normal and totally sucks. Big Hugs!

Meritage · January 2011

I'm sorry you didn't get the birth experience you wanted, but I had to chime in because WOW, what a BEAUTIFUL baby!! I can't believe she's just a week old - most newborns are NOT that good looking!

Mystery2B · January 2011

How beautiful is Ellie!?!

How you are feeling is totally normal...and even after the initial hormones pass, I'd guess it took me like 8 months to really get past it. In a few weeks I suggest really talking the events through with John so you can get his perspective on how things were going/what the docs were saying/how he saw what you were going through - once Tony and really talked it through in detail (but this was when C was nearly 9 months old, so I think you need some time for the hormones to clear and get perspective) that was the turning point for me in moving past it.

And for me focusing on the outcome rather than the process was important (once we were home and she wasn't "broken" anymore) - beautiful healthy baby, with both of us alive and pretty well (if sore and exhausted).

Once you're ready for outings in a few weeks I really like the new moms group that meets at the Y at 20th and W (?) - 10:30-12 on Wed.

amyfelice · January 2011

Oooh yes!It's so so so normal to fee that way. I had taken the hypnobirth, done my hypnosis every night, made DH practice with me endlessly, did the visualization, the breathing, etc. Then it was just the exact opposite of everything I wanted, two weeks late, low AFI, failed induction, fetal scalp monitor, C-section.

BUT being a pediatrician, I have seen the bad outcomes, the "waited too long"'s, the thick meconium aspiration babies, the septic babies, and believe me, that is very undesirable. So when I knew the baby had to come out, there was no question in my mind that was the right thing to do. As long as she didn't wind up in the NICU.

My post partum course was tough, I had an infection and a lotta lotta pain and I was very sad, crying a lot, but it's definitely hormones, and pain and fatigue too. I may be in the minority but now I don't care anymore about the birth, I kind of feel a little cheated of the whole birth experience, but it pales in comparison to the joy of having a healthy baby.

Your girl is just beautiful. I'm so happy for you. Just remember that you did the best you could and in the moment you did what had to be done. Congratulations.

kfishie · January 2011

MadameD517:
I hope you don't mind me chiming in. I'm not speaking from my own experience but I've had friends that have gone through exactly what you are feeling, so at the very least you are not alone. They also planned med free births (one was supposed to be at home with a mid wife) and ended up with a c-section and everything that goes along with it.
I'm sorry that you didn't get the experience you had hoped for.

Ditto what she said word for word. I am sorry you didn't have the labor and delivery experience you had hoped for L.

soon2Bkranz · January 2011

From what I know....totally normal....totally...

Also I think most people have some letdown after birth. I think it never goes according to plan and we have so long to think about what we want etc...I am so happy to get to be pregannt again and be a mommy again...And I am super happy to get a shot at labor and delievery again to make it closer to my ideal(which is dumb since i know it wont happen that way!)

DandaLion · January 2011

I went from not even being in labor to emergency C-section in about 8 hours....Car accident sent me to the hospital to just be monitored, as they were getting ready to send me home, I started having contractions every 2 minutes and things went quickly until they figured out at 9.5 cm that it was not his head they were feeling.

While I had not planned on a med free birth, none of the rest of it was anything I had planned. I still have a little disappointment over the whole expirience. The thing I am most upset/disappointed with is the fact that because it was such an emergency C-section and I needed more pain meds, I don't remember seeing DS for the first time.

Please know it is entirely normal to feel that way. The best thing for me was to focus on the happy healthy baby I had and try and let go of the rest that I had no control over. hugs! Hang in there!

Mrs.K&C · January 2011

I'm weird in that I really didn't care either time about the birth experience, but I can say recovery from a c-section is tough and makes the post partum experience quite a bit tougher than a vaginal birth (having had both). Not to mention the hormones...blech. It's not easy. you're totally normal, and it's hard. Thinking of you!!

kittylove · January 2011

As others have said it is 100% normal to feel that way, not just right now but for a while afterward as well. Even today I still feel jiped that I had a c-section and won't ever get a vaginal birth (medfree or not). I think realizing your feelings are valid is an important part of healing, just remember that the most important part is that she is here and healthy. ((((HUGS)))

futrkingsley · January 2011

I just want to hug you.

I felt really really angry and sad about my cesarean for a long long time. I worked really hard to have a vaginal birth despite an urgent induction for a low AFI after a failed NST. I labored on pitocin etc for 80 hours with no pain meds before throwing in the towel. I never dilated past 1.5 cm even with long, close together contractions. It was not possible for me to have a vaginal birth. Not at all and I was angry that I'd worked so hard (yoga, doula, birthing from within, blah blah blah) and still had a sorta crappy outcome (surgery, pain, swelling, nursery time for DS under the lights).

The recovery was so hard and every wince made me more angry. Even when I joked that it was just like our three years of infertility, and even though I was really really thankful to be alive and with a live baby (who wasn't exactly the picture of health given the jaundice), I was still angry.

My doc was great. He finally told me weeks later why his birth never progressed (wrapped in a tricky way in his short cord with no fluid). That helped tremendously, but I still was angry and disappointed for at least a year. I think I'm finally past it but my kid is now 2.5.

If you ever need to vent about the crap circumstance, my email is sew kingsley @ gmail DOT com.

I hope you are feeling better soon.

AvaLikeLava · January 2011

I will agree with everyone else. It took me months to get past having a c/s after having prepared for an unmedicated birth.

I kept wondering if there's anything I could have done to change things. Perhaps if I hadn't pushed when I did, my cervix wouldn't have swolen up. Perhaps if I took the pain meds I would have relaxed more. But at the end of the day, and after I got more details of what had happened, I know there's nothing I could have done to change the final outcome.

Give yourself time. I know it's disappointing, but remember that your goal was to get your LO in your arms safe.

Hugs.

ladipale · January 2011

Thanks everyone for the support and encouragement. I know lots of this is probably the hormones. I'm hoping in time I can work through these feelings, and hoping my post-op next week and meeting with my doula in a few weeks can help me really process everything that happened.

future - our stories are remarkably similar (jaundice and all) and I'll likely be contacting you at some point

SJBride05 · January 2011

L, she is absolutely beautiful. Perfect!

I had a planned c/s, but I definitely felt disappointed when the "might" be having a c/s turned into a "definitely" having a c/s. It was completely out of my control and it sucked. I think what you are feeling is totally normal. Combined with pp hormones and you've got a recipe for some serious emotions. A week after Dovey was born was the hardest for me emotional wise. I think I cried for 2 days straight.

Hang in there and know you did everything right and Ellie is safe.

bunch · January 2011

This wasn't my experience, but a good friend of mine had this happen- she wound up going through counseling to work through some of the lingering issues. And had a successful VBAC 2 1/2 years later! If you want, I know that she'd be more than willing to talk with you about her experience- I'd be happy to hook you two up.

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