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marcuej
member
DH Really Hurt My Feelings...vent
marcuej
member
Yesterday was my birthday and DH didn't get me a card or gift. My feelings are very hurt and I'm having a hard time letting it go. I didn't make a big deal out of it last night, but it's been bothering me all day. I finally shared my feelings with him but I'm still upset.
The deal is that Ben is not good when it comes to special occasions. I've made it very clear (after past let downs) that while holidays and b-days may not be important to him, they are very important to me. The thing is that I don't even need anything fancy. I would have been thrilled with a homemade card that Stella scribbled on that said Happy Birthday, Mama or something like that. It's not about the gift, it's about the thought and effort.
I think why I'm so upset is that he mentioned on Saturday that he had something special for me for my birthday. Finally, last night at 8:30 I asked if he had a card for me from him and the girls. He ended up saying he was going to run out during work yesterday but ran out of room. That just crushed me! It basically made me feel like I'm not a priority and that it wasn't important enough.
Anyway, I've rambled on long enough. Bottom line is that my feelings are hurt and I feel like he doesn't really get it!
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Re: DH Really Hurt My Feelings...vent
((HUGS)) hon. I'd be hurt too. Hopefully, now that you told him (again) how hurt you are he will do something nice to try and make up for it. But I totally understand how you feel - and know that at this point it may be too late.
Men!
(Happy belated birthday!)
I get exactly where you're coming from. For my birthday, DH did get a card, but it was to a wife from a husband type card that was not from Hampton. I told him that it hurt my feelings not to get me a card "from" Hampton. Stupid? Maybe. But I wanted a card from him for my first birthday as a mom!!
Fast forward to mother's day. No card. At all!! I was so upset! He gave me a massage from him and a gift card "from Hampton." As sweet as that was, those things get thrown away. A card I would keep. So, I have no card for my first mother's day. It really really hurt my feelings.
((hugs)) I'm sorry. But, unfortunately I don't think he (they) ever will "get it"!
My feelings would be hurt as well. I'm sorry he disappointed you.
Happy belated Birthday!~
Because we're fancy like that.
Apparently your husband and my husband were separated at birth... I have been through the exact same thing more birthdays and Valentine's Days than I can count. It does hurt my feelings, and it is the same here, no matter how many times I tell him it matters to me, and that even a small gesture would be meaningful, it is NEVER a priority for him.
I tell myself that in the long run he is a good husband, a good father, and a good person... but I still get myself excited for something romantic or a surprise every year, and every year, nothing. I have no advice, but I know EXACTLY how you feel.
Oh-- this, too! No card or anything for my 30th, and then for my 1st mothers day, nothing. Not even a "Happy Mothers Day, you are breastfeeding two 6 week old babies and I'm proud of you."
I guess I had managed to let that grudge go, now it's back!
I do not like that at all.
Especially since he said he had something special--- wtf, was that a lie to buy time? I don't need it to be the week of Susan or anything but it is mandatory that I get a card from Garrison-- and if you didn't do something, don't friggin lie about it.
Hope he makes it up to you and soon.
He said he knows exactly what it is that he was going to get. I said he set himself up for failure and me up for disappointment by telling me there was something special and then not following through. To top it off, last night he said he'd go today to pick it up and guess what...still didn't happen. I told him to forget about it. It's clearly not important enough to him and I no longer want whatever it was.
coming from a woman married to THEEEE scroggiest of grinchiest grumps when it comes to gifts and holidays, I GET you. The ONLY time I get any gifts or something is when his gaggle of gorgeous coworkers sees something on FB (some of us are now buds) and tell him by gunpoint to do it. He just sucks at doing stuff like that.
I knew that when I married him. And I'll know it on my deathbed.
It hurts, and I still get sad. But I try to remember that I KNOW this about him and when it comes down to it, do I want a really good husband and an amazing father... or do I want a guy who I don't even know that is forced to stand outside my window and serenade me with his guitar and roses?????
anything in between is just gravy. but I can't really expect it. What do you do about it now? You go buy yourself something pretty and don't you DARE feel guilty about it. When he asks about it, you smile and say "thank you honey!"
I'm so sorry (hugs)...that would hurt my feelings too.
Happy belated birthday
World_of_Dennifer
Bloomin'_Babies
Married/Nest_Bio
I'm sorry and I totally understand. Unfortunately my husband is another one of the ones who doesn't do much for birthdays, holidays etc. There have been several where I didn't get a card or a gift, and it really sucks. I have explained to him several times that it's not about spending a lot of money, it's about the time and effort put into it that matters. He swears he will get better, and I did get a nice Christmas gift this year (that I hinted at). I hope he feels bad, and makes it up to you soon. It probably doesn't make you feel better, but there seem to be quite a few of us with deadbeat gift givers for husbands. LOL. At least you're not alone!
And happy birthday! I will be 33 also in May. I hope other friends and family spoiled you like you deserve.
I would be so upset. I'm glad to see many ladies have the same Dh issues here! 2 weeks ago was my 33 b-day dh did get me a small gift and actually remembered a card but he didn't get me any kind of cake or cupcake and that really upset me. I have no idea why? I think because I always associate b-days with cakes? I've learned to make Dh lists. He said it wasn't on the list. I said you can sure bet it will be on the list next year! Yeah lists aren't very personal or not much of a surprise but at least he can't say he didn't know. They are just clueless men.
I would be hurt too. My DH is actually better than me at birthdays and holidays. I usually do good at Christmas but not so good at birthdays. However, I always acknowledge his birthday and always have a card and cake.
I would be hurt too. My DH is actually better than me at birthdays and holidays. I usually do good at Christmas but not so good at birthdays. However, I always acknowledge his birthday and always have a card and cake.
Unfortunately, from knowing other wives with husbands like yours, it doesn't seem to change! A friend of mine just started buying herself nice presents....but I don't think it is about the $$$, it's the sentiment.
I hope your DH learns this year!!
Yah... I'll join the cub of women who married men who don't get it. I knew this when I married him though, so I'm rarely upset by it. I usually remind him a day or two beforehand. I don't "hint". I tell him: "Hey, my birthday is tomorrow, I'd like a card and maybe some flowers". When he does come through with a card, I can tell that not much thought or effort was put into it, but he is what he is and l love him anyway.
Sorry your hubby let you down. Hopefully he makes it up to you. I seem to recall that he is pretty good at the whole make-up thing.
(((HUGS)))
LO #1 - 1 unmedicated/self-monitored IUI w/ donor sperm.
LO #2 - 1 m/c, 2 BFNs, 4th IUI worked (unmedicated/self-monitored with new donor sperm).
Life is beautiful!