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February 2011 Moms
Sex was a disaster.... :( maybe TMI
So last night I instigated sex with DH and the whole thing was awful. A few weeks ago we did and it was the best sex we've had in awhile. Last night, he was incredibly distracted, kept looking at belly which made me self conscious. And then when I thought that "doggie style" would be better so he couldn't see my belly we did and he actually seemed LESS interested. I can only think it was my ever expanding butt and stretch marks he was staring at. He didn't even want me to "finish him" without sex.
Now, afterwards, he said he just got distracted and it wasn't me at all. He tried very very hard to make me feel better, but it didn't work. I don't know what happened or why, but I ended up crying a ton and still feel awful today. I'm not sure I've ever felt uglier in my life. What if I never get back to a decent weight and he never finds me attractive again? I honestly feel like my heart is broken.
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Re: Sex was a disaster.... :( maybe TMI
((HUGS)) I know exactly how you feel. It's happened to us too. I feel like a whale and feel like DH gets disgusted looking at me. (He says I'm more beautiful now, because I'm growing his daughter) but still when you don't feel "normal" it's really hard to feel sexy and beautiful.
I'm sure your DH is getting really nervous because you're about to have a baby! My DH will just come out with OMG and when I ask what's wrong he'll just say " I looked at you and realized we're having a baby VERY soon!" It will all be ok and you'll be back to your normal self again. I know it's easier said than done. Maybe go get yourself a mani/pedi to make yourself feel better. That always makes me feel pretty when I'm feeling bad about myself.
Our baby site: Baby Cragg
I told hubby I needed his cervix-softening semen (try saying that five-times fast) to help get me started (I am neither dilated or effaced at this point), so we better figure out how to do it! We did it for the first time in weeks last night. Very awkward and pretty difficult to get it right
BFP # 1 - 12/19/09 EDD 08/27/10 - D&C 1/26/10 @ 9w5d
BFP # 2 - 06/05/10 EDD 02/17/11, DS1 born on 2/14/11
BFP # 3 - 04/10/13 EDD 12/21/13 - D&C 05/15/13 @ 8w4d
BFP # 4 - 07/27/13 EDD 04/08/14 - CP 07/29/13
BFP # 5 - 09/14/13 EDD 05/28/14, DS2 born on 5/22/14
This is me. Our sex life has been pretty much non-existent since the end of the first-tri. (And really, it wasn't that great in the first-tri because of morning sickness.) I've kind of gotten over it at this point, but I keep having dreams that post-baby I have this amazing body and I still can't get him interested in sex. I sure hope things go back to normal!
I know my DH went through this stage when I was pregnant with DS1. It feels awful because you don't feel attractive, he doesn't seem interested, and you don't want everything in your life to change (including your sex life) once LO is here. I know I thought it was my last chance to have sex with DH without the possible interferance of kids.
Here's the good news...He does find you attractive in a motherly sort of way (think fertility goddess). He is both in awe at what you are creating within your body and that he will soon be a father (again for some). Right now the attraction is sort of a different one than sexual. And to be honest, most men are 1) afraid they are going to "poke" baby (LOL) and 2) that they will somehow add to your burden (whether it's the difficult time you may have had carrying, to just the aches and pains that come with the territory). Keep in mind that they have been our sounding board and absorbing all the trials and difficulties throughout the pregnancy. All of that is in the back of their minds. (I can thank my DH for all this info as he shared it with me when pg with DS2.)
There's an even better upside to this...The wait to have sex and the return of your body as your own (though it may not be exactly the same) will rev up their engines in anticipation. My DH already remembers that part (the waiting) that is is attacking me now. Obviously if this is their first (or it's been a while since a baby), then they don't remember the wait. It is now one of our favorite times to sneak in a little sex in the am before the boys get up or after the kids go to sleep at night. Atleast, I think that's how I got in this pregnant body again...
Rest assurred that your DH will still want you. I find when I feel like this (a little down, maybe a lot down), if I talk to DH then he will often tell me what is going on with him and offer the reassurance I need. GL
P.S. (Warning TMI) If DH lies on his side and we cross our legs (me on my back) we can have some good sex with little stress to my back, he doesn't hurt me, I don't feel jiggly, etc. It can sort of look like a "T" or a "Y" depending on the angle. (Found it in a tantric book before pg) It may be worth a try if the heart to heart makes you both feel brave enough to try again.
I guess I'm pretty fortunate I have a DH who still thinks I'm sexy.
I'm so sorry he made you feel like that, Whit. He needs to make up for it somehow and in a big way. You know he still sees you as his beautiful wife, but it can be REALLY hard for men to look past a huge baby belly when they've NEVER had to deal with it before in their life. My twin's hubby wouldn't crump with her either, and it wasn't because he didn't think she was ugly. It was because he was TERRIFIED of hitting his son's head! Which (unless you're in my position and are dilated&the baby's so low the midwives actually CAN feel the baby's head!) is impossible to do.
I really hope he tries to make it up to you. Tell him that even if that's not how he meant it, last night made you feel very ugly and unwanted. Even if it's not with sex, I hope he tries to make it up to you.
Aw, sending big hugs your way. You said just a couple of weeks ago you had the best sex you'd had in awhile. Take hold that you weren't your pre pregnancy weight then and it went great. I know your DH still loves you and we all know as we've gotten closer it gets harder and harder to get the bedroom fired up. Hang in there and know that things will be back to where they were soon. I'm sure there's many things/qualities your DH thinks are sexy about you other than your weight.
Hugs.....