I Could Use A Little Support...

beautiflaw · January 2011

This is my first pregnancy, and we've let our friends and family we're expecting. Since the initial, "oh you're having a baby, congrats." I haven't been able to get any support from ANYONE other than my mom and my great aunt. I have a couple of friends who are kind of supportive, but the friend that I thought would be the most happy for me turned out to be the least supportive person of all. Unfortunately, I was already warned that this was going to happen... because she's been TTC... but I thought she would be happy for me. Now she's all snippy and doesn't want to be there for me at all. She makes me feel as if I've done something to her by getting pregnant. Like I've done something wrong. I don't feel comfortable talking to her about anything to do with babies. I've tried calling her to catch up and she doesn't call back. My in-laws are absolutely no support, not that I expected them to be. They just make everything worse and I've determined they're never even going to meet my child. I don't speak to them anymore. On top of that all my friends who are still into partying and stuff have left me in the dust because I'm going to be somebody's boring old mom now apparently. I can't have a life outside of my child don't you know. On top of that all my family is miles and miles away, and my good friends I never see because we're all busy. I'm going through a lot with this pregnancy because I recently have been dealing with PTSD and I just lost my father, and then I found out that my husband has been... doing things he shouldn't have been doing... so I'm not really in the best place in my life to even be pregnant. I need support from friends and family but I don't know how to get it. What am I supposed to do when the only person who cares about this baby is me?

thewickedfairy · January 2011

First off, congrats!! I couldn't begin to imagine some of the things you are going through right now. I'm sorry for the loss of your father. I know how it is to be separated from your family. It's one of the hardest things in the world. One way that DH and I get through it is keeping open communication between us and our families. Also having an extremely strong support network through people who live near us, people we work with, friends from other bases (I'm in the Air Force BTW), using boards like this to find people who are going through the same issues, etc. The friend who is being snippy is unfortunately going through the "Why is she pg and not me?" thing (or at least I'm assuming). I kinda did the same thing after I had a mc and my SIL called and said she was pg. So I wouldn't take it too personally at this point. It should eventually pass and she should be back to being your not-so-snippy friend. If not, then you'll probably end up having to wait until she gets pg or until you give birth (who can resist a cute bundle of joy?). And your husband doing things... As for that, could he be scared and that was his way of trying to get over it? I'm definitely not trying to stand up for him or make excuses because nothing ever excuses that, but maybe that's why? I hope you can find the support you are looking for. If for some reason you need to talk privately don't hesitate to ask. No one should go through pg alone.

Ceridwen21 · January 2011

What kind of support are you looking for exactly? You're 8 weeks pregnant, not facing life in prison for a crime you didn't commit. Beyond congratulations, what exactly are you expecting from people at this point?

I wonder if this is less of a concern about "support" and more a disappointment that you're not getting the attention you think you deserve.

You are pregnant. This is a big deal to you and your husband only (if he's cheating on you then I suggest counselling). Don't expect everyone else to fall all over themselves in excitement. If your friend has been struggling to get pregnant, of course this is hard news for her to hear! Give her some time and space, especially if she already told you this is how she would react.

Take care of yourself and your baby, and the rest will fall into place.

newbmom347 · January 2011

Ceridwen21:
What kind of support are you looking for exactly? You're 8 weeks pregnant, not facing life in prison for a crime you didn't commit. Beyond congratulations, what exactly are you expecting from people at this point?

I wonder if this is less of a concern about "support" and more a disappointment that you're not getting the attention you think you deserve.

You are pregnant. This is a big deal to you and your husband only (if he's cheating on you then I suggest counselling). Don't expect everyone else to fall all over themselves in excitement. If your friend has been struggling to get pregnant, of course this is hard news for her to hear! Give her some time and space, especially if she already told you this is how she would react.

Take care of yourself and your baby, and the rest will fall into place.

This was my thought exactly. I guess it would be helpful to know what type of support you are looking for because at this point, I'm not sure what there would be outside of congrats. Are you concerned because you don't feel that people are happy for you? Do you feel like you should be getting more attention? Or something else?

loveyoubean · January 2011

Ceridwen21:
What kind of support are you looking for exactly? You're 8 weeks pregnant, not facing life in prison for a crime you didn't commit. Beyond congratulations, what exactly are you expecting from people at this point?
I wonder if this is less of a concern about "support" and more a disappointment that you're not getting the attention you think you deserve.
You are pregnant. This is a big deal to you and your husband only (if he's cheating on you then I suggest counselling). Don't expect everyone else to fall all over themselves in excitement. If your friend has been struggling to get pregnant, of course this is hard news for her to hear! Give her some time and space, especially if she already told you this is how she would react.
Take care of yourself and your baby, and the rest will fall into place.

This, exactly.

unamilagra · January 2011

I'm sorry you have had so much going on in your life right now. I can understand how you would need a friend to talk to about all of that. But I don't really know what you're looking for as far as support regarding your pregnancy. Are you looking for someone to complain about your symptoms to? Complain that it's such a bad time for you to be pregnant? Because if that's what you're looking for I can certainly understand why your friend wouldn't want to talk to you. For women having trouble trying to conceive, they hear someone whine about morning sickness or exhaustion and they're thinking, "I would go without sleep and throw up every day for nine months straight if it meant I could have a baby."

And yes, once you tell everyone you're pregnant there are some friends who are going to drift away, I think it happens to everyone. Because they know in a few months you aren't going to have the time to spend with them anymore. You're not going to be able to go out unless you have a sitter lined up. And you're just not going to have as much in common with your childless friends anymore. That's just the way it goes.

That said, I would suggest talking to a counselor about everything that's going on in your life, because it sounds like you have a lot on your plate right now. Best wishes to you, and I hope you are able to find peace soon. Smile

jenmarshall88 · January 2011

Hey hun, I have a general idea of what you're going through. I have had a hard time getting support from my dad more than anyone. I'm 12 weeks and am starting to show and we've seen the baby moving and my mom and fiance are so excited and yet...he keeps telling me how awful my life is going to be and how this is what I should expect out of my life. That I'm going to live in a trailer and do nothing for the rest of my life. And it's been very hard for me. And I've had a lot of the same problems with friends, I don't have any friends who have been TTC but besides my two best friends who live a nice drive away, all my friends are still partying and think I'm a dud because I'm pregnant and can't party and am tired a lot. It's hard but what I've decided is that this baby is the most important thing in the world for me. And I'm going to start surrounding myself with people who do care and will be there. Maybe look into meetup.com, that's a word of advice another bumpie once gave me. Go to that website and find other moms in your area, it's very supportive having people around you who care and know what you're going through. And besides that, talk to us. We can be all kinds of comforting. And I'm always here if you'd like to PM me and talk sometime.

Jeilene · January 2011

Congratulations! Don't be sad, true friends will always stick around, and if your girlfriends are still into partying and immature, well, that's a bad mixture anyway - are they really your friends or do they just like to party with you? Anywho, the one I can speak for is your dear friend who's pulled away. I myself lost twins last year and had been trying to conceive ever since which puts a lot of stress on oneself. If she is a true friend, she will eventually come around, you just have to give her time to deal with her feelings which can be a combination of anger (because she's having trouble TTC), jealousy (because you are), depression and the one I personally most struggled with: embarrassment for having these ill feelings. I am almost sure she is happy for you and wishes you nothing but the best, just give her space and time.

And I am sorry your family is so far away and your brainless husband for doing what he's not supposed to! You have us bumpies here to vent and talk to

Jeilene · January 2011

Oh, and another thing... you will get harsh comments and advice on here, some women say it like they see it, and other times it seems as though they're trying to run for comedian of the year. Don't let that discourage you from posting again. Good luck, hugs!

heylee · January 2011

First congratulations and welcome. Second you might want to remove some of your tickers and change the size of your pictures or remove them or you're going to get a lot of slack for it.

I'm sorry you don't have the support you're looking for. There might be some groups in your area, or you can try the local bump boards to talk to people in your state. You should talk to your husband for support and get counseling as well perhaps.

Doats+ · January 2011

Aww, sweetie. My heart goes out to you!

I can tell you that I have been in your friend's position. My husband and I were trying to conceive for more than a year and my best friend got pregnant a month after her wedding. I wanted to be so happy for her, but it was so, so painful. I know that she was hurt that I didn't react the way that she had hoped. So, it's no excuse for your friend to be snippy, but I know that she's coming from a painful, painful place. It's hard to believe how much you feel like a failure in that position. As irrational as it may sound, I honestly didn't feel like I was worthy of talking to my friend about her pregnancy. Luckily, I got pregnant the next month and that helped break some ice, but it was pretty awkward between us until then.

I hope that you are able to find some support from more people, but if not, then I suggest that you focus on the people who are being good to you, like your mom and great aunt. I am sure that they will be willing to do double duty and give you even more love and attention! I swear, my mom has an unlimited amount of excitement about this baby!

I don't know if it's possible, but a trip home might be a good way to recharge.

You're in my thoughts and I'm happy to talk any time. Chin up! This is a beautiful, beautiful thing and you will be thrilled when you have a precious baby to show for it.

And, p.s., don't listen to crabby people on here. They drive me crazy! Who has energy to be mean for no reason?!

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