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February 2011 Moms
twirlyjack73
member
Need F-I-L advice/vent- gun help
twirlyjack73
member
So, my FIL finally bought a present for our unborn son. He's a retired cop (think Archie Bunker) & bought him a handgun!!!! For our little baby! WTF? I was thinking making an agreement to not let him know about it until he's of age (18?). Also that I would keep it at my dad's (12 hr drive away) until he's of age. I'm so disgusted & that he didn't even consult us even more so. I'm not saying I'm for or against guns b/c I don't even think about them, I just don't want our son thinking about it his whole childhood &/or trying to get his hands on it. DH is totally with me on this. Thoughts? [Poll]
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Re: Need F-I-L advice/vent- gun help
First thought: WTF??!!
Second thought: Is there any way you and/or your DH can talk to him, and either agree to keep it at his place until you both feel that your son is ready for this "present", or have FIL take the handgun back? I know that's not very nice, returning a gift, but really?? What kind of present is it when your child cannot even use it for many many years?
Good luck in what has to be a tough situation.
It sounds like something my FIL would do (also a retired cop). I didn't come from a gun family but my husband did - also they are very much into hunting. So I decided I would like to learn about guns as well seeing as our child will likely be around them too (at the appropriate age). I went and took a hunters safety class, which teaches you how to properly handle a gun, and your state laws regarding guns and hutning. I live in WI, so at the age of 13 (I believe) our child can take hunters safety and will be legally able to handle a gun.
If you do not have the proper means to keep a gun safe in the house, I would ask FIL to keep the gun until your LO is of appropriate age to handle and has taken the classes. Or if you feel, buy a gun safe for it.
I think the more you learn about guns and how to properly use them, the safer you will feel with them/around them. But it is really all personal opinion.
Good Luck!!
Keep the comments coming. To clarify my point, I don't know which scenario is better. 1-Where we tell the FIL to return the gun & hope that he really does. And worry that he'll be showing the kid this or any of his guns in secret and saying somethin glike 'one day these'll be yours'. Problem being the kid could gain access to it as we only live 5 min away. Or 2. Where we take control of the gun & secretly stash it at my dad's whereby he'll never see it until he's 21 if that. Lastly someone mentioned safety & that's not my only concern. It's bad enought that DH is a Fed & we do have to have his work guns in our house. Certainly he knows he to keep them safe. It's just that I don't want our kid thinking he has his own gun. It's as if I told him he'd come into a Porsche when he's 16. He'd spend his whole life looking fwd to it & trying to sneak peaks to his friends. Plus I don't want him leaning toward guns in general whether for play or work-unless that's his adult decision.
If this is truly how you feel, then I think you need to talk to your FIL and set some guidelines. Like we understand you bought him this gun, but we'd prefer if you kept it and then gave it back to him on his 18th or 21st birthday (or something along those lines). Make him understand your point of view.
And if FIL doesn't understand where you are coming from - sell the gun. You tried your best and that's what counts.
Good Luck Again
That's... strange. Err, I would never give it to my child, that's for sure. I would either return it, or store it in a lock box hidden somewhere and only allow DH and I to know where it is, and that it is even in the house. Just in case we are the victims of some sort of robbery. If you don't feel comfortable with using the gift for yourself, or don't feel the need for the gun in your home, I'd give it back to FIL.
I didn't vote because I'm not sure I would go with either scenario. I, like many PP, didn't grow up in a gun family and truly believed I would never have a gun in my home. Fast forward to today, I am married to a man who owns 6 handguns and it was his mother who got him started! She was a colonel in the Army and enjoyed taking my husband to the range with her. They don't hunt, just enjoy shooting at targets. In fact, she and her husband bought each other new handguns for Christmas this year. Crazy!
Anyway, the important thing is how the gun is handled in your home. Ours are in a safe at all times and I do not know the combination...I don't want to know. Understanding how to handle the gun is incredibly important and I do believe that your FIL/DH can teach your child that at an age earlier than 18. But, you have to be ok with it. I would suggest talking to your FIL about your fears of having a gun for your child this early and what his vision was for introducing your child to his gift and helping him to understand the magnitude of responsibility that comes with it. Make it very clear that you have to be ok with the plan or it won't happen. As a retired policeman, I think he will be receptive to this discussion as law enforcement does spend time in schools talking about this very topic. Good luck!
I would keep the gun at your dad's house. I would NOT have it in my house.
Whether you're a 'gun person' or not, everyone should know that children can't resist playing with something that they see mommy, daddy, grampa, or uncle crackhead handling. They want to emulate those they love and it's that exact reason why so many children die of being killed by guns every year.
I grew up in a rural area and with hunting as a very popular past time for most people I know, including DH, BILs, and FIL, guns will always be a part of our child's life. While I don't think a handgun is the best gift for an unborn child, as long as you FIL is willing to teach your child about gun safety and the dangers of firearms I don't think it is as big of a deal. I believe that most of the people I grew up with actually have a better respect for firearms than most people because they grew up constantly learning about the safety, dangers, and reality of firearms. I would just make sure you talk to your FIL about your concerns. Like you said, if it is that easy for him to go over there you want to make sure that you are both on the same page for how you want your child to be raised. GL!
My In laws are all Law Enforcement and hunters. My H keeps his handgun at our house in a safe that is hidden. His rifles and hunting guns are kept at his parents in their gun safes and he gets them when he goes hunting. His Cross Bow and Bows are kept at our house. I was taught to shoot the rifles and had a gun safety class. Our child will go hunting with them and be taught how to use and properly care for them. Our agreement is not to have the guns in our home until they are old enough for them and they will be locked in safes that only me and my H have access too.
To you it might seem ridiculous but it could be an important thing in their family. I would just ask FIL to hang on to it until your son is of age.
I grew up in a gun family, and my father got my husband into shooting as well (target shooting) and my sister is in Law Enforcement. So there are multiple guns in both my house and my parents house, which is 5 mins away.
That being said, they are all locked up, in a proper gun safe. All my siblings and I, as well as my husband, had to take a safety course before my parents would let us handle a gun. My father is all about gun safety, as everyone should be.
It is the type of "gift" that someone needs education and proper understanding of before receiving.(and should also have an interest in!) Also, I know here in NJ not only do you need a permit to possess the gun in your household, you must be 21 years of age to handle a handgun (rifles, etc are 18 years)
Soooo, whose name is this handgun even in?? And your son cant even touch it until he is 21.
First my hubby and I both grow up in homes where guns were in the house. Our fathers, brothers, uncles, cousins, all the males and some of us girls went hunting. I even did myself go hunting that is with my father, brother, and sometime with my uncles and cousins. So I?ve been around guns all of my life - this does not mean I don?t see your concerns on this. It?s going to be something you and DH will need to address.
Now as to your FIL buying your son - (his grandson) a handgun; I do not believe since you said he?s a retired police officer that he would give his grandson a handgun without regards to your feelings/wishes on this matter nor do I think he?s not going to spend the time necessary with him - teaching him gun safety first.
I would however just have your hubby telling his dad that you both appreciate that he thinks enough of his forthcoming grandson to make such a present to him. Then just ask him nicely if he would mind just keeping this (the gun) at his place until he has time to teach his grandson how to handle such a weapon safely and responsibly. Thus building a relationship with the boy at a time he needs his grandfather to spend time with him. Grand parents can and do teach their grand children many, many wonderful things. That?s just something that would be special for him (FIL/grandpa) to have with his grandson. Ok! I would be willing to bet he?d be more that willing to do this for you both. Just ask! If for some reason he says NO then you and DH take control of the gun - I?m sure your hubby knows how to handle this situation so he has total control in this matter.
I hope no pray this will be of help benefit to you and DH for the betterment of a cordial relationship - no conflict!