Is this PPD? (long)

jewels1273 · January 2011

LO is almost 5 months now. After LO was born, my OB (at my 6 week PP check) wanted to put me on meds for possible PPD. I told her that since I was BFing that I didn't want to be put on meds. She wanted me to come back for another recheck in 3 weeks when I got back to work. Her thought was that hopefully with some type of schedule that I would be back on would help with my sadness.

Fastforward to now. Being back at work did help somewhat. I miss LO terribly and feel that when I'm with her, I really have no idea what to do with her when I'm not feeding her or changing her diaper. I have the constant mommy guilt for leaving her (even though DH is a SAHD and I wish it was the other way around). I didn't lose any pregnancy weight (I gained over 40 pounds and have 35 to lose) and feel like I weigh about 300 even though I only weigh 184 (which is alot on a 5' 3" body). I've tried to lose the weight and nothing that I do seems to drop the pounds. I've gone back to exercising at home but all I feel is more guilt for being so out of shape (I used to go to the gym every day before getting pregnant). I feel pressure from DH to have sexy time (which hasn't happened since having LO) and I really don't feel like it so I feel bad about that.

This week has been even worse and I fight not to just burst out crying. I want to cry when feeding LO because I can't provide for her like I should be able to ( I have low milk supply and have to supplement). I want to cry when she wakes up every hour and a half at night to feed. I want to cry when I look at myself in the mirror. I feel like a failure.

So could this be PPD?

Hanginginthere2010 · January 2011

Here's a website that has activities you can do with your LO depending on their age: https://www.productiveparenting.com/ Just to give you some ideas on things to do with your LO.

Try not to be so hard on yourself for pregnancy weight. Took you 9 months to put it on and you're working on it by exercising so give yourself time. You're not being fair to yourself by giving yourself a hard time about your body. It's been through a lot. (maybe if you had sexy time with your DH it could boost your self-esteem?)

I feel your pain on the low milk supply. What some do naturally, we can't. It's hard to deal with. I ended up having to stop when my LO was 6 months old. I'm glad I gave her what I could so she could have a good start. I gave it my all and can't regret that. She's healthy and happy. Our pedi said when I was having trouble with breastfeeding that even if she just gets one ounce a day it helps a great deal.

You are def not a failure. I think it would be a great idea to talk to your OB about it.

daronsmommy · January 2011

Have you had your thyroid checked? I was/am having a hard time losing weight and my supply was low. Turns out I have hypothyroidism. I have been on medicine for 3 weeks now with no improvement, so I have an appointment next week to have my levels checked again. I understand how you feel with the low supply. I had to start supplementing when DS was 6 weeks old. I felt like my body had betrayed me. I should be able to provide for my son, but I can't. I told myself (and everyone else) that I was okay giving him formula, but I'm not. It kills me everytime I have to make him a bottle. I actually have an appointment on Monday to talk to my doc about PPD, but like you don't want to be on meds (I am relactating). I don't know what the answer is, but just know, you aren't alone. Sorry no paragraphs, posted from my iPhone.

totallyshocked · January 2011

Def dont be hard on yourself with all this. I knew a week after I had PPD and it took a while for my meds to adjust but now even tho they work I still always worry about everything. Am I doing this right? What will she need here and then?

Weight -wise I am 6 months PP and just this last week got in a routine. I gained 60 lbs (pre baby I was 118!) and am happy to say that im in the lower 150's now. But it has taken forever. Whats important right now is that you get your mind and heart healthy. Sex and the weight can wait. See your doctor and maybe try something for PPD because it seems like you may have it. Remember to take care of yourself tho (happy mommy=happy baby). And know that no mother ever has a perfect day every day. Thats just not normal. Your doing your best.

I would also check into any mommy and baby workout groups in your area. It would be great bonding for you and LO and help you loose some weight. I found a wonderful stroller class on meetups.com and maybe they have something that could work for you. You love LO and thats all that matters........it will work out. Remember we have all spent most of our lives not being moms, 9 months being pregnant and then BAM it all changes. Its a lot. Good luck honey!!

jaime5121 · January 2011

You are definitely not alone having to supplement. I had to supplement from birth. I was able to successfully BF my son for 6 months! I see that as an achievement. That was something positive I was able to give my son. I took supplements and the whole 9 yards - everything I could do to boost my supply. But the long and the short of it, I had a low supply. And of course, the more you worry about it, the less you produce - Murphys Law of course!

Don't worry about the weight - like another poster said, you didn't put it on overnight, it's not going to come off overnight. You are working on it. I gained around 60 pounds with my son. I've lost all but the last 7 - he's now 18 months old. It takes a long time! Life gets in the way, but we do our best.

I would see your Dr and have them do an evaluation for PPD. If you do have it, it doesn't mean you have to go on meds. Some people respond very well to talk therapy. GL!

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