Community› The Bump Message Boards› Postpartum Depression
Postpartum Depression
New Discussion

What did your PPD make you feel like?

klcl8981klcl8981 member
in Postpartum Depression

I'm going to speak to my midwife on Monday. I have been thinking on and off since DS was born in May that I possibly have PPD. The times where I feel this way, I brush it off and deny that anything is wrong. When I've mentioned it to my husband, he also brushes it off and tells me everything is fine.

It's not fine. It's been getting increasingly worse. I used to have way more patience with DS. I am so easily irritated, and frustrated by so many innocent things he does. He's only a baby! Why do I feel like such an angry mother when he doesn't stick to the schedule? Or when he won't go down for a nap? Or that he doesn't STTN?

I feel like a bad mother. All the time. I often times end up hating myself, hating my body, and hating that I get so worked up over the little things with DS when he truly is such an awesome and happy baby. 

I also don't know if, what if I had PPD originally and this new pregnancy is causing it to go into overload? Or maybe is caused it to onset 8 months postpartum? I am so sure my hormones are crazy, but I don't think that would cause me to feel so incredibly depressed like I have been getting lately. This week has been horrible, and I am so afraid of it getting worse.

I hear that a symptom of PPD is wanting to hurt yourself, or your baby. Of course, I wouldn't dream of ever harming my child or myself. But I can see the fine line where a mother can become so incredibly frustrated (really with themselves!) over a screaming or crying baby that will not be consoled, and just wanting to ignore them or spank them, or even just THINKING something awful.

Please. Am I alone in ANY of this? I haven't spoke up because I feel that I will be judged. I am just afraid...

I am glad that I will seek some information from my midwife on Monday. If I truly have PPD, this is only the beginning. I think it is really time for me to ask questions. I can't do this anymore... I feel like a failure. I feel like my son hates me. And I am dragging my husband down with me.

image
Report Reply to Post

Re: What did your PPD make you feel like?

  • totallyshockedtotallyshocked member
    I felt disconnected, anxious, depressed and yes I did have some crazy thoughts tho I knew I would never hurt myself or LO. I just worried I would get that bad. PPD can happen up to a year after birth and with another on the way Im sure its your hormones going crazy!! Talk to your MW because there are safe things to take while pregnant. Good luck!! Were here for u
    Report Reply
  • Loading the player...
  • klcl8981klcl8981 member

    imagetotallyshocked:
    I felt disconnected, anxious, depressed and yes I did have some crazy thoughts tho I knew I would never hurt myself or LO. I just worried I would get that bad. PPD can happen up to a year after birth and with another on the way Im sure its your hormones going crazy!! Talk to your MW because there are safe things to take while pregnant. Good luck!! Were here for u

    Yea. I definitely feel anxious and depressed. And I feel completely disconnected from my pregnancy and this baby growing inside of me.

    image
    Report Reply
  • totallyshockedtotallyshocked member
    That sounds horrible to have to go threw and still take care of another LO. When is your next doctors appointment? OB's can prescribe antidepressants as well as family doctors. 
    Report Reply
  • klcl8981klcl8981 member

    imagetotallyshocked:
    That sounds horrible to have to go threw and still take care of another LO. When is your next doctors appointment? OB's can prescribe antidepressants as well as family doctors. 

    I emailed my midwife last night and told her everything I was feeling. We're going to discuss it on Monday. She specializes in home births, so I see her in her home. And I know she is not able to prescribe anything, but I am starting with her. I don't think she will discourage the idea of me also seeing my primary doctor, which is what I will also do. I would like to speak to them about possibly a prescription, if they find it necessary.

    My midwife's response to my email, which was much more detailed than my post, was that what I am going through is not very unusual for a postpartum mom.

    Is she meaning a postpartum mom, or a postpartum depression mom!? I felt a little confused by her wording, so I am definitely anxious to see her on Monday.

    image
    Report Reply
  • janabelle3janabelle3
    Hi.. I'm new to the board..been lurking on here the past month since I had my twin girls. I have been experience a lot of symptoms of postpartum depression too and finally realized I need help. I'm probably going to join a local support group near my house or go to therapy. Not sure which one yet.  I LOVE my girls, they are the cutest little things, but I feel so irritated by everything since I had them. But there are also a lot of moments where I am in awe of them and can't stop kissing their cute little faces! :)  But-I feel so overwhelmed. There are times everyday where I just want to go away and not come back for a couple days just to get a break from "baby duty" I call it. I feel HORRIBLE HORRIBLE HORRIBLE when I think these thoughts, or when I just want to tell my babies to shut up when they are crying. They don't deserve my agitation or my negative thoughts. They are just babies-I feel terrible for them when I think those things. The sleep deprivation doesn't help either. ha ha...   :)  It's so great that you are opening up about your thoughts .... I just realized I had to also. Granted,it has only been a month since I had them and it seems like you have been dealing with it longer. I am afraid of being judged too and being looked down upon for my thoughts. But it's something real that we need to talk about. Feel free to message me if you need to vent- hugs
    Report Reply
  • klcl8981klcl8981 member

    imagejanabelle3:
    Hi.. I'm new to the board..been lurking on here the past month since I had my twin girls. I have been experience a lot of symptoms of postpartum depression too and finally realized I need help. I'm probably going to join a local support group near my house or go to therapy. Not sure which one yet.  I LOVE my girls, they are the cutest little things, but I feel so irritated by everything since I had them. But there are also a lot of moments where I am in awe of them and can't stop kissing their cute little faces! :)  But-I feel so overwhelmed. There are times everyday where I just want to go away and not come back for a couple days just to get a break from "baby duty" I call it. I feel HORRIBLE HORRIBLE HORRIBLE when I think these thoughts, or when I just want to tell my babies to shut up when they are crying. They don't deserve my agitation or my negative thoughts. They are just babies-I feel terrible for them when I think those things. The sleep deprivation doesn't help either. ha ha...   :)  It's so great that you are opening up about your thoughts .... I just realized I had to also. Granted,it has only been a month since I had them and it seems like you have been dealing with it longer. I am afraid of being judged too and being looked down upon for my thoughts. But it's something real that we need to talk about. Feel free to message me if you need to vent- hugs

    Thanks for responding. I can't imagine having twins and feeling this way. I'm sorry you are also having a tough time. I know we are not horrible mothers, but we need to better understand what we are going through. I'm glad we are BOTH seeking help, and I hope my midwife will have some information to offer.

    It's not like I want PPD, but if she tells me that it's nothing and it's all normal, I'm not really going to feel like it is.. I'm going to feel like something is still wrong, and like I am continuing to deny a real problem.

    image
    Report Reply
  • jaime5121jaime5121

    I'm glad that you are talking to your MW today.  My MW was the one who diagnosed me with having PPD and PPA.  This is what I felt - my LO was the only thing on earth that made me happy.  I was depressed/disconnected all the time.  I would sit in my office and cry ALL THE TIME!  I would pick fights with my DH and my Mom.  I stopped calling my friends and doing things I would normally do.  I didn't want to go anywhere, and just wanted to be at home.  I stopped eating right - sometimes I didn't eat at all.  I stopped taking care of myself.  My PPD kicked in full force when I weaned from BFing.  No one had ever told me it could hit that late.  It took me by total surprise.  I was put on Zoloft and it helped sooooo much.  I remember just holding my LO and sobbing for no apparent reason. 

    Things can get better.  All you have to do is ask and you have done that.  GL!!!!!

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    Report Reply
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards
"
"