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Postpartum Depression
PPD or just sucky life?
Hello! I just found this board, thought you ladies could help me with some perspective..... Trying to figure out if this could be ppd or just stress.I could write a book about what's gone on over the past year or so, but I'll spare you,so here's a run-down......
-Married with 2 kids, DS is 9 has seizure disorder. DD is 6 mos, has severe milk/bovine protein allergy, was really sick before they figured that out! I BF.
- DH got laid off a week before we got the BFP, was out of work 6 mos and has been employed PT the past 8 mo. and only makes abt 11.00 an hour
- I work FT, went back to work at 4 weeks PP. DD comes with me, but I don't get to spend much one on one with her during the day. It's a very stressful job..... I work days, DH works nights and weekends. We are passing ships. I am home alone with the kids every night and all weekend.
-We had to downsize due to DH's underemployment a week before I had DD, we are living in a very tiny, very dingy house, which sucks the energy right out of me.
-At 3 weeks pp, our dryer caught fire, thankfully fire dept. got here quickly enough to save the house. Burned my entire stash of nursing tanks and bras 
-I had gall bladder surgery at 10 weeks PP
-Due to drastic change in income we barely scrape by, although we do not qualify for any assistance.
I am feeling like i hate my life. Don't get me wrong I adore my DH and children, but I am overwhelmed. I love my job but feel like I am not doing a good job. I love being a mom but feel like I am being a bad one... I yell at my 9 year old all the time, I just can't cope with his energy. He's not a bad kid, just requires a lot. I don't play with them, I get home from work at 6pm, make dinner, then plop down on the couch. That's all I can do.....
I gained a fair amt of weight at the end of my pregnancy and post partum, I have about 60 lbs to go and despite cutting out all dairy and beef due to my DD's allergies, I have yet to lose a pound. The last thing I want to do is have sex, and my poor DH is really missing that.
Sorry that got long after all..... So could the way I'm feeling be PPD or just the effects of life circumstances? I would go talk to a counselor or something but with the hours I work it is absolutely not possible. There is zero flexibility in my schedule. I wish I could quit and focus on my family but I am the main breadwinner (which is also putting tremendous pressure on me).
Any advice? TIA:)
This discussion has been closed.
Re: PPD or just sucky life?
As much as I didn't want to have PPD. Knowing and hearing that you do have it almost feels like a load off because you don't feel like you are just a crazy person for no reason... If my midwife were to tell me today, instead of confirming PPD, that I was fine and it was just me being a pregnant whacko and to get over it and life sucks, then I would feel like something was always wrong with me... And I'd never have a real answer.
Please talk to someone...
First, I am so so sorry that you are dealing with all of that. You have a lot going on right now and all of your feelings are completely valid.
Second, I can't tell you if you have PPD or not, but you should definitely see someone, even your OB (she can prescribe an anti-depressant if necessary or an anti-anxiety). Regardless of if you have PPD/PPA or not, sometimes we all need a little help to get us back on our feet. Especially after pregnancy our hormones can cause imbalances that only medications can fix. That doesn't mean a pill will fix everything, but it does mean that it can help some of the chemical and/or hormonal imblanaces going on in your body that are making it difficult to cope with everything going on your life. Un-relenting stress can cause so many additional side effects, such as lowered immunity, increase in cortisol levels (which can make losing weigh harder), poor sleeping habits, and it will exacerbate (sp?) the symptoms of depression and anxiety. I would strongly encourage a call to your OB or PCP. Sometimes even your childs' Pedi can help out.
I can't afford to see a counselor right now, but I do meet with someone from my church weekly, only for about 30 minutes, but it still helps so much. I text her from time to time as well, just to check in. Do you have anyone that you can do that with? I know you are tight for time, but is there a way you can grab a sitter (family or something) for an hour 1x/wk or every other week? Maybe look into a mom's day out program at local church...that would be a great place for resources and support.
Again, your OB/PCP/child's pedi will be a great source of information and support. Please start there.
T&P to you! You will get through this. It is so tough to be a mom these days. You are doing the best you can and you love your children dearly. Never forget that because that is the best gift you can ever give them.
PPD or not, it seems like you need support. Of course see a dr, but also I wonder if you husband understands how much you are carrying. What else does he do other than working PT?
It seems like you just need to relax.