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Success after IF
Is this crazy? I want to be a gestational carrier.
I highly doubt they will let me (I had an ectopic simultaneously with my last/only pg, I had a c-section, and I have MTHFR - not the bad one though)
My reasons are as follows..
1. being pregnant (even with multiples and with major issues at the start) was the healthiest I have felt in many many years.
2. being pain free for almost 10 months after being pg was fantastic. (endo sucks!)
3. I would love to help a couple become parents. As someone who has struggled through IF and had all but resolved to accept the fact that I would never be a mom, I want to help another couple feel the joy that DH and I feel EVERY DAY.
4. The $$$$ isn't too bad - although to be honest, when I think about being a GC I keep forgetting they get paid at all - I would do it for free (and by free I mean all medical bills paid). However, if I did get paid I would love the money to put in the twins' college fund.
I know there are risks with pregnancy and delivery but I am already at the hysterectomy point so I would be okay with risks and helping someone else too.
So go ahead, tell me I am crazy.,. but I have an appointment with the RE tomorrow and I am going to ask - I'm sure it will be a "no", but it never hurts to ask.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Is this crazy? I want to be a gestational carrier.
I have not taken the time to read your post because in case you are offering first come first served, I want dibs!!
ok- I'll be back with an opinion after I read, but really. dibs.
OK- now my honest, unbiased answer.
I think being a GC is one of the most selfless things (even with the pay) someone can do. BUT....I think it must be so stinking difficult to carry that baby and have someone else take him or her home. With that said, I do believe there are people who have that generosity and faith in their heart and if you are one of them, I hope you can do it for someone. It is an amazing gift imo.
I agree about it being such a selfless act.
No matter what your RE says, can't you look into doing this privately? I have no idea how GC works, but I'd imagine if you really wanted to do it you could hook up with a lawyer and advertise on your own. [Again, no clue if this is doable...but maybe something to look into.]
Honest reply:
I couldn't have done it before I had kids (even if I had never wanted kids of my own) - but now that I know the pain of missing what you never had or thought you could have... I could do it for someone else. My only stipulation would be this: I would have to know that the parents who I was carrying the baby for would love that baby as much as I love my own and that having a child in their arms is their dream come true.
I think anyone at the point of gestational carrier would meet these stipulations, or at least I hope...
I have thought about it and discussed it with DH at length, we could do it.
You might be interested in reading the blog I'm A Smart One. Kymberli suffered IF (and went on to have 4 kids) before becoming a gestational carrier. She had one successful match, where she birthed a singleton boy. She was also partners with at least 2 additional couples, but all cycles resulted in BFNs or m/cs. She hasn't posted in ages and the last post is really sad/cryptic, but the blog is so interesting. Even though I couldn't be a GC (recurrent m/cs, for one reason) I found it fascinating and she is such a super sweet and funny woman. There is a surrogacy category in the archives so you could start there!
Anyway, I hope you find this is something you can do. It's selfless and such an amazing gift, for both parties. Let us know what your RE says!
Amber
TTC since March '06
MFI, LPD, possible PCOS
3 chem pgs * m/c identical twins at 9w 10.06
IVF w/ICSI #2 - beta - 187! (9dp5dt), beta - 367! (11dp5dt)
IVF w/ICSI #3 - it's a girl!
My IF Blog: Between the Lines
My Parenting Blog: Letters From Your Mama
I spent most of my 20's thinking I would be a GC for a cardio-impaired dear friend of mine (little did we know of my issues, insert nervous laughter here) and now that we've learned I'm allergic to staying pregnant, I've actually had another dear friend come to ME and offer to be a GC for US. We're still in the "casual discusion" stages, and there's a LOT of things I didn't think about, past the romantic idea of it all, (mostly the financial end of it all) but it's an incredible idea, and you're amazing for even being able to consider it.
Dez, I'm sorry, I had to giggle a lil' bit, and now I'm going to reach over and give you a little tender back pat and hug. I wish we all didn't have to deal with this chit, hon. I really did.
Well, if you're crazy, I'm crazy too, because I want this too. I've actually hinted at it to DH a few times, but he's not really onboard... yet.
I'll be honest, I haven't done any research on this much, but I wouldn't want to do it for just anyone. I'd rather do it through a private party, preferably for someone I know. There's a possibility, should my sister decide she wants children she might ask me, but I'm not holding my breath. All I can do is offer.
I'm not worried about the separation part, mostly because per the above, I expect to still see said child on occasion. Also, DH and I are done having babies. We're at 2 and can't afford any more, but I loved being pregnant (even when I wasn't loving being pregnant ;p )
I don't care about the money, but I'd like to make sure that the couple can cover the OB care during the pregnancy.
PS. It would HAVE to be a c/s delivery. Is that not allowed for GC births?
Photo by Zemya Photography
A friend of mine from college has done it twice, once for a couple with IF and once for a same sex male couple. She has 2 children of her own, and her husband is in the military (and usually on deployment) and apparently it is more common among military wives.
She had a great experience, but her last birth was by c/s due to transverse baby, and that put her into retirement. I don't know if it was because of the c/s, but it sounded like that plus 4 pregnancies was enough for her doctors to say no more.
Her pregnancies were always easy, and as she described it, non-events. She neither loved nor hated being pregnant, it just wasn't that big of a change for her from her normal life, so it wasn't hard.
She did mention that now that her children are a bit older, she wouldn't do it, because it would be too hard for them to understand 'giving a baby away'.
I'm in the same boat. I'm done having my children, but I would LOVE to help someone else start/complete/add to their family. I've been looking into how to go about doing it...I think we'll try it within the next few years.