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Feeling so overwhelmed and scared...

janabelle3janabelle3
in Postpartum Depression

Hi everyone- nice to meet you... I have been lurking on this board for awhile but haven't really posted. I had twin girls a month ago, and since they have been born I am feeling so overwhelmed, filled with anxiety, and depressed at times. I am probably going to go to a local postpartum support group near my house but I wanted to connect with other women on here as well because I am really going through a lot emotionally today. I need to talk to other women who are going through the same emotions.

Since I had them, I have had a lot of help from family , and next week I go it alone all day while my husband is at work for the first time. yikes!  As it is hard with one baby, it is extremely hard with two babies. I have such anxiety over how I am going to juggle the both of them all day..with feedings, dealing with their crying and screaming,etc. It's really hard.  I am so friggin nervous and basically just dreading it.  I don't know if I "can" handle it ya know? My husband handles the crying a lot better than me, and as he is overwhelmed with two babies as well, I am having a much worse time. I can't stand being at home all day with them because I get cabin fever, when they are crying a lot (and believe me it is a lot), I get angry and agitated and totally stressed out. I took the day away today to go to my moms house just to relax a bit and get some sleep, and I don't want to go home. Actually I feel like I wish I could leave all the time and not be there. I feel horrible because I love my babies and they are the cutest little things ever. I don't want them to have a mom who is feeling so horrible.

I would love to hear from other moms who feel the way I do or who have gone through this...  I just want to get past these hard times and on to the fun times when they aren't crying and screaming and we can start doing the fun stuff ya know? And I want to feel better, and not so emotional and depressed. I thought maybe this was the "baby blues", but now going on five weeks after having them, I know that it's more serious than that.

Thanks for listening  :)

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Re: Feeling so overwhelmed and scared...

  • totallyshockedtotallyshocked member

    First off welcome and good job admitting your unsure about things. Everything you are experiencing is completely normal. I have a 6 month old DD and she is now my world. I love pretty much every second I spend with her and she is my best friend but I would be lying if I said it has always been that way.

    I did have a horrible labor and ended in a c section, nothing was wrong but time wise she just wasnt coming. So right off the bat I felt a little disconnected since I really wanted a natural birth. And after a few days I was okay but then PPD and PPA really set in (like end of week one). I, like you, had so much help. There was always someone there esp due to my surgery. Either my mom, sister, friends and of course SO was great and just like you he was great with her. It used to make me so jealous. I just didnt feel connected to my child. I still took great care of her and loved her but I felt no connection, had so many regrets even about having her and sadly enough had vision of running away. I got myself soo stirred up by everything I read on the internet that I thought I would eventually hurt her or myself (tho those thoughts never just popped up....I made myself get there).

    I started meds(zoloft first) and it didnt work, then tried Prozac which got me so anxious that I coudlnt eat, sleep, drive......do anything. I tried exercising, eating well, sleeping, anything and it wouldnt go away but finally therapy started helping me connect with Madelyn and eventually my doctor put me on 20mg a day of Celexa and 1mg of clonazepam(for anxiety) to take as needed. Within days I felt better. I wont lie it took a few weeks to get there but once you get help I promise YOU WILL GET BETTER!!! And this board has helped me sooo much to realize that it is so common. For me it was about the changes it brought to my life and it scared me. I couldnt imagine having 2!

    Have you talked to your doctor about any medication yet? A lot of moms steer away because they think medication isnt the answer but PPD and PPA is just like being sick. If you had a cold or cancer would you not take something? You sure would! And bottom line is happy mommy= happy babies. Were all here for you and you will make it thru this. I remember being in your shoes and reading that thinking it would never happen......but it does!! PM if you need to talk more or have any questions at anytime. Your a great mom and you love your LO's....... sometimes its just hard adjusting. H2H.

    Also once they get bigger and start smiling and laughing and moving around it is soooo much more fun. I look back now and honestly the new born phase isnt all its cracked up to be. Dont feel bad you dont feel connected because while they are your babies you are just getting to know each other =)

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  • janabelle3janabelle3

    Thanks for your post back. 

    I just need to keep saying to myself that things WILL get easier with time. I hope. I do have a history of anxiety and I have been on Celexa, and Zoloft, Xanax before. I know I don't want to take meds because when I was doing better and went off these meds I had really bad withdrawl symptoms. I don't want to deal with that again. I want to try to see if a support group or therapy alone will help me before I try medication. I know it helps a ton of people though.

    I am about to go home soon after spending the day at my moms getting "baby free" time..lol.  It has been soo nice.  I hate feeling this way, but I am DREADING going home. The stress of two babies and no help is just nervewracking. My mother in law has spent the last week at our house and she leaves today. Boo!  :(  I just hope when my husband goes to work all day tomorrow that I can just remain calm and not get stressed. I have to accept that they will scream and cry and that is just what babies do- haha...  :)  

    Did you all join a support group or go to one on one therapy? I contacted a therapist, thinking maybe one on one would be a good idea, but a support group might be an even better idea meeting other women in person who are going through this.

    And you are sooooo right! I can't wait until they can smile back at me. That will be awesome and so rewarding.  Also they are only four and a half weeks old so maybe once they are sleeping over 6 hours a night that will help too.

    Thanks!!

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  • totallyshockedtotallyshocked member

    I did one on one therapy and it did help. Small things like calling Madelyn by her name and doing lots of skin to skin really helped me feel connected. Also I did take omega 3 vitamins for a bit (they help for mind clearfulness) and those did help me. I tried to join a support group but there were none in my area so thank god I found the bump. To know that it is soo common was such a big relief. I mean its horrible that other moms have gone thru it, but at least you know that your not at all alone and on here you can get support from moms who have conquered it as well. I wouldnt say Im still depressed and anxious but its because we are having money issues but when it comes to my relationship with LO I finally feel how I should.

    I know they are young but maybe if you try setting up a very flexible schedule you will feel a little better. You dont always have to stick to it but it will give you some guidance and maybe take some anxiety off. Also if they do start crying a lot or fussing I would try putting on some music, maybe dancing around and rocking them. Try to make it fun even if your not feeling it. I hope you feel better soon. *HUGS*  

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  • janabelle3janabelle3
    Thanks!!!!  :) 
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