It's been a week and a day (vent)

UsafWifey09 · January 2011

It's been a week and a day since my beautiful son passed. I keep having dreams that I am still pregnant and in the hospital. I haven't been crying as much, but I feel so much anxiety now and feel like I can't breathe. My husband has to go back to work on Tuesday and I have no idea what I will do. He is the only one that will understand my pain. I hate being away from him now. I have found myself online shopping so much to keep my mind busy. I can't concentrate on anything. I can't stop thinking about getting pregnant again but I know I should wait atleast 3-4 months. We want a boy again and although I know it's wrong, I feel depressed just thinking of having a girl. I am not trying to replace my son because I know I cannot but I want the closest thing to him. Maybe I just need to wait longer...I am just a rollercoaster of emotions. and I go from being so mad to being in tears. And is it just me, or does everyone have a newborn and everything on TV has to do with babies. I feel like my FB friends are rubbing their babies and pregnancies in my face.. maybe it's just me.

SheLovesMrHip · January 2011

Super big hug to you today!!!!

MrsMitty08 · January 2011

I am so sorry for your loss....hugs to you.

lglf4 · January 2011

There are probably support groups in your area for m/c and loss. Please look online, or check with your OB's office for info. This board is extremely supportive, but I think that you may need to talk to someone in person as well to help you get through this. Again, I'm so terribly sorry that you and your husband have to go through this. I hope that you'll start to feel some relief soon.

Fallon621 · January 2011

So sorry you are feeling crappy today! We all have those days but it does get better! ((HUGS))

I will say one thing and that is after loosing a LO dont you just want a happy healthy baby!?!? I mean going so far as to say that you would be "depressed" to have a girl is beyond me and just plain wrong! sorry just my input!

SweetBaby2004 · January 2011

I am sorry you are going through this. We lost our son at 21 weeks, 6 days and that was 1 week and 2 days ago.

I know how you feel completely, down to wanting to be pregnant again. I talked to my OB about this and she said this is a normal feeling. She did advise us to wait at least three months and we are going to do that but it is hard. DH wants to wait 6 months so we will see. I don't care if it is a boy or girl, I just want to have a healthy baby again.

I have four friends due around the time I should have had our son in May and I don't know how I am going to get through that. Fortunately, most live out-of-state, so I really just have to deal with Facebook updates.

Good luck to you as you and your DH heal. PM me if you ever want to talk.

88eve88 · January 2011

Fallon621:

I will say one thing and that is after loosing a LO dont you just want a happy healthy baby!?!? I mean going so far as to say that you would be "depressed" to have a girl is beyond me and just plain wrong! sorry just my input!

I was thinking the same thing. When my husband and I were just beginning to talk about ttc, I had a preference, but now, after having my pregnancy go wrong, I'd be happy to just have a take home baby, boy OR girl! Beggers can't be choosers, and I am seriously begging.

Ellebee85 · January 2011

I am so sorry for your loss. Your entry brought tears to my eyes. I miscarried last week, and I too, have been on a roller coaster of emotions. Today has been such a bad day because I feel like EVERYONE around me is pregnant. And to make things worse, one of my friends on FB just announced their pregnancy and they are due the same month that I was supposed to be. So so sad...

(

UsafWifey09 · January 2011

of course I want a healthy baby and I would be happy with either, But I just lost my baby 8 days ago. I can't help but want the closest thing to him. Thanks for trying to put me on a guilt trip, but it's not going to happen.

taurus424 · January 2011

no guilt from this grieving mommy.....lost my daughter on 1-11-11 ....and i miss her like crazy. anxiety and nightmares-not sleeping well at all. As far as i am concerned this seems all to be normal. after feeling her move inside me and kick me and having planned in my head the years to come with her it is a huge devastating loss. of course ttcal has crossed my mind a million times bc the only thing i want is my baby in my arms. hopefully we all get our take home baby really soon. hugs to you today and everyday.

Fallon621 · January 2011

UsafWifey09:
of course I want a healthy baby and I would be happy with either, But I just lost my baby 8 days ago. I can't help but want the closest thing to him. Thanks for trying to put me on a guilt trip, but it's not going to happen.

Sweetheart no one was trying to "guilt trip" you at all. I gave you my sympathies because I too just went through this and know exactly how you are feeling. I was maybe trying to put things in prospective for you. And like another PP said after you go through something like this all you want is a take home baby boy OR girl!! I am sorry if I offended you in some way. I hope you feel better soon I really do.

ETA: If you also look back at your first post on this board I was one of the ones who responded very kindly.

I just hope if you ever go over to TTCAL (which you have as one of your short cuts and assuming you "lurk" over there) do not say that because that is a no-no and very frowned upon over there with us. Just so you dont get flamed.

Fallon621 · January 2011

88eve88:
Fallon621:

I will say one thing and that is after loosing a LO dont you just want a happy healthy baby!?!? I mean going so far as to say that you would be "depressed" to have a girl is beyond me and just plain wrong! sorry just my input!

I was thinking the same thing. When my husband and I were just beginning to talk about ttc, I had a preference, but now, after having my pregnancy go wrong, I'd be happy to just have a take home baby, boy OR girl! Beggers can't be choosers, and I am seriously begging.

This!

tiffany119 · January 2011

Nope, its not just you. Seems like I can't turn on a single channel without seeing someone pregnant or with a baby. Went out today for the first time, and I feel like all I see is pregnant women and newborns. Just peachy.

ekmOC · January 2011

You are not alone. Everything you are feeling is normal. If you don't already have it, pick up a copy of "Empty Cradle, Broken Heart: Surviving the Death of your Baby." Then start reading it, one chapter at a time. Sleep a lot. Try to eat, even when you not hungry - you need to replete your nutritional reserves if you are going to try again. Try to walk away from everything once in awhile - watch a movie or a stupid TV show to take your mind off of your heartache. You will get through this...

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