:::::::Cassian::::: Re: Mayim Balik

ESTH2000 · January 2011

I just wanted to tell you I loved what you wrote in response to jgirls post and agree with all your points......especially this!!!

Cassian:

JGirl is right. There is more than just 1 way to raise a child, and dedication to the way you believe in, shouldn't cause everyone else to be offended or defensive just due to the mere choice. Maybe she really is a "to each their own" parent, and by just speaking strongly about her personal choices, it inaccurately comes across as judgy? I wish other people's choices didn't have the power to shake the confidence of another mother's choice.

I feel like I have to constantly explain why I parent or do things in a certain way because it may not be the norm in our society...and I'm getting tired of it!

and I sooo wish I could write as well as you do!!!

SeaSoul · January 2011

i loved it too.

alchris · January 2011

I didn't read the article until about 2am so I didn't post, but I agree with this 100%.

Cassian:

There is more than just 1 way to raise a child, and dedication to the way you believe in, shouldn't cause everyone else to be offended or defensive just due to the mere choice.

She was just saying what works for her and her family. Plus children are different; for example, she's BFing her second longer than she did her first.

The world would be boring if we all parented the same way. As long as the children are safe and cared for appropriately -- as I use appropriately openly -- to each their own!

But point being that feeling strongly about one's belief does not equate to judging others IMHO. It *can* mean that, I'm sure we've all seen that, but in no way would I assume that she judges others.

LucyPevensie · January 2011

what'd I miss?

:: looks around wildly ::

I was excited to see mayim bialik is a new today show mom contributor type person (I'm assuming that news is what brought about a post on her somewhere - but I can't find it!)

She's way crunchier than me and I'll never get the whole EC thing - but I love the idea of an AP mom adding a voice to the national, mainstream parenting conversation. Yay for cosleeping toddlers, I say! (Well, because I cosleep with my toddler. LOL!)

SeaSoul · January 2011

LucyPevensie:

what'd I miss?

:: looks around wildly ::

here you go...

https://community.thebump.com/cs/ks/forums/thread/48038119.aspx

also, did you see this?

https://community.thebump.com/cs/ks/forums/thread/48048574.aspx

LucyPevensie · January 2011

Sea I did see that article/response to the Tiger Mother - so sad. Eesh.

Hm. Mayim kinda lost me too on the "there are those among us who believe if a baby can't survive a homebirth blah blah blah blah." (And YES I noted she said twice that is not her belief. But why even bring it up at ALL?) My very healthy baby would not have survived a homebirth - not because he wasn't very healthy - but because he was breech, tied in place his cord AND stuffed on one side of my slightly heart shaped uterus. There was no other way for him to come out - but doesn't make him "unfit" (if we're talkin' survival of the fittest.) It just makes him ill-positioned. Wrong place, right time! (And on a related note - I probably wouldn't have survived EITHER. Are there those among you, Mayim Bialik, who would think that was just fine too? Gee thanks.)

And who is "us?" I hate that kind of creepy talk too. Darn it Mayim! I was trying to cheer for you - and you're talkin' all weird and sayin' creepy things about "us" and "letting the baby pass peacefully".. (really? peacefully? everybody just lights an effin' candle and feels OK cuz it was "peaceful?" What a load of demented crap.)

OK I changed my mind I hate her. LOLZ!

SeaSoul · January 2011

LucyPevensie:

I was trying to cheer for you - and you're talkin' all weird and sayin' creepy things about "us" and "letting the baby pass peacefully".. (really? peacefully? everybody just lights an effin' candle and feels OK cuz it was "peaceful?" What a load of demented crap.)

Let it be known I feel the same way about that weirdness...sheesh. She's definitely an extremist...I am not. But I see her point on some things.

ESTH2000 · January 2011

SeaSoul:
LucyPevensie:

I was trying to cheer for you - and you're talkin' all weird and sayin' creepy things about "us" and "letting the baby pass peacefully".. (really? peacefully? everybody just lights an effin' candle and feels OK cuz it was "peaceful?" What a load of demented crap.)

Let it be known I feel the same way about that weirdness...sheesh. She's definitely an extremist...I am not. But I see her point on some things.

ditto ditto ditto

and I have to admit I didn't get a chance to really read that portion Embarrassed so geesh is right

alchris · January 2011

ESTH2000:
SeaSoul:
LucyPevensie:

I was trying to cheer for you - and you're talkin' all weird and sayin' creepy things about "us" and "letting the baby pass peacefully".. (really? peacefully? everybody just lights an effin' candle and feels OK cuz it was "peaceful?" What a load of demented crap.)

Let it be known I feel the same way about that weirdness...sheesh. She's definitely an extremist...I am not. But I see her point on some things.

ditto ditto ditto

and I have to admit I didn't get a chance to really read that portion so geesh is right

Clearly I didn't either. Bizarre. Hopefully it's out of context that would explain what she's referring to? Hopefully? I'm not sure....

schmoodle · January 2011

Thank you, Lucy! Because there weren't any further responses to the last post I figured everyone was just slowly backing away from the bitter deadbabymama when I commented on her "some of us believe" garbage. As I said, I follow a lot of AP stuff and like that she's making some of that more public (even if I'm as un-crunchy as they come generally), but I just can't get on board with her, period, after that statement. She can claim she doesn't believe it, but she offered it in response to the question of what those who can't safely deliver via home/natural birth should do, with no alternative response. How is one not supposed to take that as her view? If you don't believe it, than rather than spreading it, maybe just say "I don't know." or "That's a good point and I acknowledge that for some, maybe a natural/home birth isn't the best way."

Cuckoo for Blossom puffs.

ESTH2000 · January 2011

schmoodle:

Thank you, Lucy! Because there weren't any further responses to the last post I figured everyone was just slowly backing away from the bitter deadbabymama when I commented on her "some of us believe" garbage. As I said, I follow a lot of AP stuff and like that she's making some of that more public (even if I'm as un-crunchy as they come generally), but I just can't get on board with her, period, after that statement. She can claim she doesn't believe it, but she offered it in response to the question of what those who can't safely deliver via home/natural birth should do, with no alternative response. How is one not supposed to take that as her view? If you don't believe it, than rather than spreading it, maybe just say "I don't know." or "That's a good point and I acknowledge that for some, maybe a natural/home birth isn't the best way."

Cuckoo for Blossom puffs.

I don't think everyone who posted agreed with everything Mayim feels but just that it was nice to hear someone bringing up certain topics that are not considered the norm in parenting and like jgirl said..there is more than one way to parent a child and we should all be respected ,,kwim

and yes, I think we can all agree Mayim is cuckooo Confused

LucyPevensie · January 2011

It was in the msnbc article that someone included a link to on that other thread. And I agree with many of her concepts too but I hate hate hate when people get extreme (and self-righteous/self-congratulatory - bleah) - my own sister is a breastfeeding and homebirth aficionado and I applaud her on both points but even she can start to get really "militant" about the whole thing at times - at which point I remind her of my 1) breech baby C-section 2) Horrible difficulties with breastfeeding (but I get a pass in her and her militant buddies' books because I pumped for 6 months ha ha) and 3) The fact that I had to supplement with formula every day (but again, I get a pass.)

The thing about passionate beliefs equaling judgement though - to an extent - sometimes they do. When you truly believe that what you're doing is "the best way" (why else would you choose that path? Because you believe it's the "second best way" or the "well, it's not that great but it's fine" way?) - I don't really buy "for MY kid." You think that's the best way to do a, b and c when raising a baby. Now - you may not CARE that other people make different choices that are mostly benign and/or not inherently harmful, because it doesn't directly affect you or have anything to do with you ... but you might judge. A little.

Although I can honestly say I was FAR more judgemental about others' choices before I had a baby. Now that I have had one, and had numerous obstacles thrown in my way that made it difficult and in some cases impossible to execute all of my best laid perfect parent plans... I can much more clearly see why others would make different choices than I have made - and - I judge FAR fewer of those choices than I might have when I was know-it-all with no real experience - and EMPATHY - to draw on.

roaringrock · January 2011

schmoodle:
Thank you, Lucy! Because there weren't any further responses to the last post I figured everyone was just slowly backing away from the bitter deadbabymama when I commented on her "some of us believe" garbage. As I said, I follow a lot of AP stuff and like that she's making some of that more public (even if I'm as un-crunchy as they come generally), but I just can't get on board with her, period, after that statement. She can claim she doesn't believe it, but she offered it in response to the question of what those who can't safely deliver via home/natural birth should do, with no alternative response. How is one not supposed to take that as her view? If you don't believe it, than rather than spreading it, maybe just say "I don't know." or "That's a good point and I acknowledge that for some, maybe a natural/home birth isn't the best way."

Cuckoo for Blossom puffs.

ha!

yep! I read the article and then made a HUGE effort to keep my mouth shut... for once. yep. yep. yep.

alchris · January 2011

I haven't read the second article, since I kinda really don't want to now or I'd yell and scare the baby! I'll maintain that I respect her approach in the first article and I give her the benefit of the doubt about judging others, but as far as the second article described here, wow. Totally, totally wrong, cruel, and heartless.

Cassian · January 2011

Wow! Late the the game here, was gone all day today

Thanks Elka for writing this post. I feel strong and confident in the ways I have chosen to raise my baby, and that confidence really seems to offend the mothers I know IRL.

LucyPevensie:

The thing about passionate beliefs equaling judgement though - to an extent - sometimes they do. When you truly believe that what you're doing is "the best way" (why else would you choose that path? Because you believe it's the "second best way" or the "well, it's not that great but it's fine" way?) - I don't really buy "for MY kid." You think that's the best way to do a, b and c when raising a baby. Now - you may not CARE that other people make different choices that are mostly benign and/or not inherently harmful, because it doesn't directly affect you or have anything to do with you ... but you might judge. A little.

Isn't that just par for the course with ALL moms? Don't we all parent the way we do because we think that is the best way? Every parenting style, to the one who does it, thinks its the best, or they wouldn't be doing it that way. By that token, wouldn't it mean that ALL moms are secretly judging, a little, all other mom's?

From what I have seen though, its usually tends to be the mom's who BF, babywear, co-sleep, cloth diaper, or err on the side of being APish that get all the crap. This is just my personal experience. Now, on the other side of that coin, I have heard of APish moms being very elitist and judgemental. It comes from both spectrums of parenting, but its usually the non-APish type mom's that get all defensive about the way they do things.

Not trying to offend anyone, this is just what I have personally witnessed in my own life. Why are mothers so threatened by different mothers?

LucyPevensie · January 2011

Cassian:
Wow! Late the the game here, was gone all day today
Thanks Elka for writing this post. I feel strong and confident in the ways I have chosen to raise my baby, and that confidence really seems to offend the mothers I know IRL.
LucyPevensie:

The thing about passionate beliefs equaling judgement though - to an extent - sometimes they do. When you truly believe that what you're doing is "the best way" (why else would you choose that path? Because you believe it's the "second best way" or the "well, it's not that great but it's fine" way?) - I don't really buy "for MY kid." You think that's the best way to do a, b and c when raising a baby. Now - you may not CARE that other people make different choices that are mostly benign and/or not inherently harmful, because it doesn't directly affect you or have anything to do with you ... but you might judge. A little.

Isn't that just par for the course with ALL moms? Don't we all parent the way we do because we think that is the best way? Every parenting style, to the one who does it, thinks its the best, or they wouldn't be doing it that way. By that token, wouldn't it mean that ALL moms are secretly judging, a little, all other mom's?
From what I have seen though, its usually tends to be the mom's who BF, babywear, co-sleep, cloth diaper, or err on the side of being APish that get all the crap. This is just my personal experience. Now, on the other side of that coin, I have heard of APish moms being very elitist and judgemental. It comes from both spectrums of parenting, but its usually the non-APish type mom's that get all defensive about the way they do things.
Not trying to offend anyone, this is just what I have personally witnessed in my own life. Why are mothers so threatened by different mothers?

I should clarify! I'm not judging.. the judging. I include myself in that generalization. But I can also say both "sides" do it. My VERY AP sister TOTALLY judges moms who don't breastfeed - thinks formula is pretty much vomit-water - thinks every ob/gyn secretly longs to deliver every baby via C-section - etc. etc. AND - I've seen plenty of eyerolls and judgement toward her ways of thinking/choosing too. Everybody does it. Everybody is nuts. Devil

Cassian · January 2011

It's the love for our children that makes us nuts

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:::::::Cassian::::: Re: Mayim Balik

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