2nd Trimester

Anyone else a little disappointed about baby's sex?

So we found out today that we are expecting another boy.  DH and I both really wanted a girl because it's our last baby.  And my parents have nine grandchildren... 8 of which are BOYS!  Part of me is so thankful and greatful that we are having a healthy baby, but part of me also is a little disappointed it's not a girl this time.  I feel so guilty for having these feelings, but they are there.  I was someone that tried for FIVE years to have my first baby and we had infertility issues with this baby too.  I know I should stop being a brat and just be thankful I'm able to have another baby.  Millions of people would dye to have a baby and here I am whining about the sex.  Anyone else going through something similar.  We even went to BRU today and I was just not in the mood to buy anything.  My husband keeps apologizing and says since he's the one that "decides" the sex, it's his fault.  I don't blame him or anyone.  I know this is God's plan for us.  God must know that I can't handle the drama and hormones of a teenage girl.. LOL
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Re: Anyone else a little disappointed about baby's sex?

  • I was in your shoes at 20 weeks.

    I honestly cried in the u/s room and felt like such a ungrateful B!tch but couldn't stop the tears from flowing. I longed for a girl with every ounce of my soul. Dh and I both cried.

    However, wow has this boy been a blessing!!! I ended up going on bedrest at 27 weeks and had to leave my job, pull ds out of daycare and we're in such a financial pickle. if it was a girl I seriously would have needed so much stuff! I would have been sad to not have girly nursery to decorate, etc etc etc.

    Now I can walk past girl clothes and think how much money I am saving or how I'm glad I don't have to pay a wedding or deal with hormones and all that stuff!

    God has replaced that feeling of emptiness in my heart with gratefulness and excitement for this boy! I honestly am FINE with just being with my two boys! God is in control and He always always has a plan for us! Cliche but so true!!!

    It took me less than a week to get over the initial dissappointment. You will too. Hang in there mama!!!

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  • Awwhh...it sounds like you really had your heart set on a girl! I'm sure you'll come around and wonder what you'd ever have done with a girl. I wanted either, but was leaning more towards a boy. I felt (and still do) a twinge of 'wouldn't a girl have been nice?' but if it had been a girl I would have the same thoughts except for a boy!
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  • Shyly raises hand to admit disappointment.

    We have our little boy.  I mean I wanted a little girl sooo bad when I was pregnant with DS.  So I was really hoping to get her this time around (and we would have been done if we had).  I mean I was so hopeful because everyone kept saying that this intense morning sickness I had meant I was having a girl.....wrong!

    So now we will have two little boys (and DH has another son from a previous relationship who they gave up to the girls relatives for adoption...they knew they weren't ready).  He did apologize and I let him know how it was all his fault...lol. 

    Isn't it great that men now know they are the one's who determine sex....imagine a few hundred years ago when it could mean your life for not providing the desired gender!  Ok true thats if you married King Henry the VIII or someone else just as evil!

    PS- I feel the same guilt for being disappointed in this babies gender...maybe next time!  I know I'm very lucky to have him just the way he is.

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  • I'm not disappointed at all. This is our last baby and we have a boy. I'm absolutely thrilled about the idea of having 2 boys, but I also had a couple of hours where I was sad that I will never have a girl. I wouldn't say it's disappointment in any way, just sort of sad about what will never be. 
    A 4/26/10 and B 6/13/11
  • I understand completely!!!>..This is our third and last baby and of course since we already have 2 girls DH and I both were really hoping for a boy!!..Especially DH.

    When we found out it was another girl I fully expected to be disappointed and I actually wasn't as disappointed as I thought I would be!..I guess I am just meant to be a mommy of girls!!.. Of course I have had my moments especially since we had a boys name all picked out that now we will never be able to use!!..But DH and I couldnt be more excited now and I cant wait to meet our baby girl!!! :) 

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  • My dad was! He has 4 granddaughters and a great-granddaughter so he was hoping for a boy... too bad!
    ~Steph

    BFP 1.11.10 - Natural M/C 1.21.10 (5w5d)
    BFP 9.19.10 - Mia Lynn born 5.4.11 (36w6d)
    BFP 8.05.12 - waiting for Baby G2, edd 4.10.13


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  • I cant say I feel disappointed but i definitely have tnoughts of what could have been. I wanted to give my son a brother and I have loved having a boy so much I cant imagine my life with a little girl- and i was one of those wishing for a girl my first time around! Adjusting my thinking and missing that second son i will never have has been difficult, but i am SO glad to be blessed with a healthy baby. :) My first had some abnormalities on his anatomy scan and i cant tell you how frightening that is!
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  • I wasn't disappointed, but I'm sure you will get excited for you little baby.
  • Just popping in to encourage you. I think I can imagine how you're feeling. I always wanted a daughter and I think I'd be disappointed if I ended up with a bunch of sons. My mother-in-law also felt the same way and had three sons - zero daughters. But she's happy it happened the way that it did! Now she has three daughters-in-law that all call her mom. She is such a lovely woman. I love her to death! And now she has a granddaughter, another granddaughter on the way and a grandson (possibly) on the way. My point is, daughters aren't always borne of you. You will have a daughter, even if it's twenty years down the line.
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    Double undergrad graduation May 2011| Me: Psychology, DH: Communication| A long journey!
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  • I can relate 100%. I'm fortunate to already have 1 of each, but I desperately wanted our 3rd (and last) to be a girl so DD would have a sister (I have a ss, so DS has a brother). I've loved every minute of having a little girl and just wanted to experience that with my last baby. We had our u/s Wed., and I cried all the way home and all that night after DH fell asleep. I'm still bummed, but trying to come to terms with it. I feel terrible b/c I am feeling this. This baby didn't mean to disappointment me, so I'm trying to get over it. I know it will happen (I felt the same way when #1 was a boy b/c I'd thought he was a girl the whole time).
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  • I can relate even with the infertility (took us three years + a miscarriage), but it's the opposite for me. Boys are scarce in our extended family. 10 out of the past 11 recent births were girls. I know that I will always wonder what it would have been like to have a son, and I'm pretty sure H will too. It took me a little while to get used to the idea, but now I am happy that my first will have a sister since I did growing up. It helped me to read about others with the similar feelings, but some of the cases are more extreme than others: https://www.in-gender.com/cs/forums/6.aspx
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  • This is tough, but I think you got some great responses here. Honestly when I read the title of the post I thought there'd be a bunch of flaming responses here directly towards you so I'm glad I was proven wrong.

    It's perfectly natural to be disappointed when you had a picture of what your family would be like and that isn't going to happen now. Just so you know I haven't ever met a mother who was disappointed in the gender of all of her children once her family was complete.....once the baby is in your arms you won't be able to imagine anything different and you'll love your family as it is.  I would love to have a boy this time around (even though we "plan" on trying for a third baby)......the idea of DD #1 having "competition" with another DD really bothers me even though it sounds silly.  We will be thrilled with whatever and in the end so will you.

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  • I have not found out yet, but I really want a boy. I know there will be that little part of me that is disappointed if it is a girl (even though that was what I initially wanted when we first found out I was pregnant).
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  • It is absolutely, 100% normal to mourn the loss of your "dream child" and "perfect family." That is normal and it's OK to be disappointed, even not excited, about the sex of your child.

    It might take awhile to get used to the idea, but you'll be happy one day with your two boys. Wait until you see how awesome brothers are together! I can't promise that you'll never have moments of sadness again when you realize you'll only ever be a MIL ... or when you pass racks of cute bows ... but think of the money you'll save on wedding expenses and barbie dolls ;)

    There's no flaming here because there's nothing to flame. You aren't thinking of aborting your child because it's not the right sex, you aren't spiraling into a terrible depression because of it, and you aren't on the ingender boards. It's going to be ok, mama ... you'll see. Big hugs.

    G: 08-02-06 ~ D: 02-21-09 ~ Z: 04-16-11
  • I was totally disappointed when i found out it's a girl. I wasn't planning on having kids at all, but when i found out i was pregnant at age 40, after being told for 20 years that i'd never have kids, I thought maybe this was a sign or something to help fill the gap in my life from losing my dad 6 years ago.

    I was so excited, we were going to name our son after my dad, and i was going to do all the things with him that me and my dad did when I was a kid.

    When i got the news that it was a girl i cried. I was devastated. Not only because my little dream was shot, but because I don't typically get along with women. My mother and I are like oil and water.

    I dislike "girlie" things, but I am not going to force my likes and dislikes onto my child. So I'm going to try and be the best mom I can be and suck it up. Maybe she'll be like me, but in a society and media that stress pink princesses over logical, level headed ambitious women, i'm not real hopeful.

    I posted something similar to this when i first found out and I got flamed to hell and back at what an ungrateful *** I am and how i didn't even deserve a baby.

    I'm not sure why i chose to reply to this, maybe the audience here is a little more understanding. 

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  • I hate these posts! It makes me so angry. I know your venting but be happy you HAVE a healthy pregnancy. Who cares what the sex is. I guess if you never had issues then ignorance is blliss.
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  • My DH is known among his friends as a certified boy maker.  (LOL!)  I have always dreamed about having a girl and so has my DH.  For the months leading up to the anatomy scan, I prepared myself mentally for a boy.  I told myself that having a healthy baby is more important and if it is indeed a boy it would still be a win-win for me because my baby would be the first grandson on my side of the family.  Snce DH already has 3 boys, he just knew this one would be a boy too.

    You could only imagine our surprise when the u/s tech told us "oh! it's a girl!"...DH started laughing uncontrollably and I looked over at him and said "Baby!  You did something right!" LOL!!

    Don't feel bad for being a little disappointed, I am sure as time goes on you'll be excited for your new baby boy.  I can honestly say that I think I would've been a little disappointed if I was told I was having a boy, but I know I would've gotten over it by the time the baby got here.

    (((hugs)))
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  • imagepigtails1031:
    I hate these posts! It makes me so angry. I know your venting but be happy you HAVE a healthy pregnancy. Who cares what the sex is. I guess if you never had issues then ignorance is blliss.

    Not everyone's dream in life is to be a baby factory. Keep your crappy remarks to yourself when people are trying to share. 

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  • imagemcwhittaker:

    imagepigtails1031:
    I hate these posts! It makes me so angry. I know your venting but be happy you HAVE a healthy pregnancy. Who cares what the sex is. I guess if you never had issues then ignorance is blliss.

    Not everyone's dream in life is to be a baby factory. Keep your crappy remarks to yourself when people are trying to share. 

    Pigtails I agree! Be happy you have a healthy baby... Who care what the sex is they are all healthy children and that should be all that matters. It is ok to be slightly disappointed for a hot second but get over it. To go into tears I think is being selfish.
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  • imagepigtails1031:
    I hate these posts! It makes me so angry. I know your venting but be happy you HAVE a healthy pregnancy. Who cares what the sex is. I guess if you never had issues then ignorance is blliss.

    Well you're in good company because I hate posts like yours. Can't show some minor disappointment, even despite her trouble getting pregnant. Save this crap for the major disappointment posts; like the girl who didn't think she even wanted to have the baby. She deserves to hear this garbage 

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  • imageaugustjam16:

    imagepigtails1031:
    I hate these posts! It makes me so angry. I know your venting but be happy you HAVE a healthy pregnancy. Who cares what the sex is. I guess if you never had issues then ignorance is blliss.

    Well you're in good company because I hate posts like yours. Can't show some minor disappointment, even despite her trouble getting pregnant. Save this crap for the major disappointment posts; like the girl who didn't think she even wanted to have the baby. She deserves to hear this garbage 

    I can see both sides of this fence. With also struggling with infertility for 5 years and getting pregnant with triplets, losing one at 12 weeks and than finding out I was having one of each gender I was thrilled. I could be all done.

    Than I gave birth to them at 23 weeks and they are in a tiny silver box right by my bed. Now that I went thru IF meds again, and pregnant. I'd be happy with any gender, a take home baby. Not one I had to go thru 31 hours of labor to just walk out of the hospital without.

    Yes it's harder for people who struggle with IF, and I get that you can't just get pregnant on your own to have a girl, you have to rely on IF which costs alot.

    But I also see it from the be happy with what you have, because in an instant it could change and you be going home empty, and heart broken.

    I'd give aything to have my son & daughter back.

     

  • imagemcwhittaker:

    I dislike "girlie" things, but I am not going to force my likes and dislikes onto my child. So I'm going to try and be the best mom I can be and suck it up. Maybe she'll be like me, but in a society and media that stress pink princesses over logical, level headed ambitious women, i'm not real hopeful.

    Your daughter will get her cues from you, initially. Yes, some girls are pretty pretty pink princesses no matter what (it's just their personality) but some aren't. There are plenty of strong women in the public eye you can help your daughter see and identify with. Or you can BE that woman your daughter can identify with! :)

    My DD1 is a perfect blend of girly and tomboyish. Her room is pink and girly, and she plays with dolls. But then she will turn around and play Matchbox cars, Legos, and build cities with blocks. In the toy section, she spends as much time looking at "boy toys" as the Barbies. We have always been fine with whatever she wants to play with - I will buy her what she wants, not what I THINK she should want. I hope this can help we realize that girls don't have to be a certain way, she can be who she wants.

     

    As far as disappointment, I wanted a boy, since we already have a girl. I wanted DH to have a boy. Funny thing it, DH wanted another girl, he didn't care about having a boy. He is super excited about "taking care of all his girls". So I was disappointed for about an hour, then got over it. :) You will too, you just need time to adjust your vision of your family. That is all.

    ~Lisa~
    Mommy to Rachel 1.15.06 and Ashley 5.17.11
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  • imagemcwhittaker:

    imagepigtails1031:
    I hate these posts! It makes me so angry. I know your venting but be happy you HAVE a healthy pregnancy. Who cares what the sex is. I guess if you never had issues then ignorance is blliss.

    Not everyone's dream in life is to be a baby factory. Keep your crappy remarks to yourself when people are trying to share. 

    So your saying I'm a baby factory? I guess I would have 4 kids now with 5th on the way if I didn't loose three babies....nice

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  • imagefrogyie:
    imagemcwhittaker:

    imagepigtails1031:
    I hate these posts! It makes me so angry. I know your venting but be happy you HAVE a healthy pregnancy. Who cares what the sex is. I guess if you never had issues then ignorance is blliss.

    Not everyone's dream in life is to be a baby factory. Keep your crappy remarks to yourself when people are trying to share. 

    Pigtails I agree! Be happy you have a healthy baby... Who care what the sex is they are all healthy children and that should be all that matters. It is ok to be slightly disappointed for a hot second but get over it. To go into tears I think is being selfish.

    Totally agree. Crying over it? Very immature, I can't imagine crying over something like that.

  • imagepook:
    imagefrogyie:
    imagemcwhittaker:

    imagepigtails1031:
    I hate these posts! It makes me so angry. I know your venting but be happy you HAVE a healthy pregnancy. Who cares what the sex is. I guess if you never had issues then ignorance is blliss.

    Not everyone's dream in life is to be a baby factory. Keep your crappy remarks to yourself when people are trying to share. 

    Pigtails I agree! Be happy you have a healthy baby... Who care what the sex is they are all healthy children and that should be all that matters. It is ok to be slightly disappointed for a hot second but get over it. To go into tears I think is being selfish.

    Totally agree. Crying over it? Very immature, I can't imagine crying over something like that.

     

    okay- i think everybody needs to step back a moment....first off- WE ARE PREGNANT.  of course we are emotional.  i cry at the drop of a hat- so yes- i think it is completely normal to cry over what the OP said was a little disappointment.  of course- if you have gone through a loss or infertility- your perspective may be a little different than somebody who hasn't gone through the same.  (ironically- the OP has gone through something similar.) that DOES NOT make your perspective better or more superior.  the OP had the courage to admit something that was probably difficult to admit because she knew some people might not agree with her, but to call her "selfish" or "immature" is just ridiculous. we have emotions and we deal with them.  it's how we deal with them that is the important thing.

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  • imageleb2be:
    imagepook:
    imagefrogyie:
    imagemcwhittaker:

    imagepigtails1031:
    I hate these posts! It makes me so angry. I know your venting but be happy you HAVE a healthy pregnancy. Who cares what the sex is. I guess if you never had issues then ignorance is blliss.

    Not everyone's dream in life is to be a baby factory. Keep your crappy remarks to yourself when people are trying to share. 

    Pigtails I agree! Be happy you have a healthy baby... Who care what the sex is they are all healthy children and that should be all that matters. It is ok to be slightly disappointed for a hot second but get over it. To go into tears I think is being selfish.

    Totally agree. Crying over it? Very immature, I can't imagine crying over something like that.

     

    okay- i think everybody needs to step back a moment....first off- WE ARE PREGNANT.  of course we are emotional.  

    Actually, PG or not, it doesn't give someone license to be an idiot. Crying over finding out that your healthy baby is sporting a penis IS being an idiot. Plain and simple. My response would be the exact same to this post whether or not I was PG. I give the side-eye to anyone who wants to blame their inability to control their emotions on being PG.


    BFP #1 via IUI ~ L (Fatal Birth Defect) 4/7/10
    BFP #2 via IUI ~ m/c
    BFP #3 via cancelled IUI ~ C (2lb 3oz; HELLP) 5/16/11
    BFP #4 via the natural (free!) way ~ E (8lb 11oz) 9/13/12
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  • It is immature. Crying over the sex of a healthy baby? I can see that happening if I paid for the sperm spin or something and was 80% guaranteed one sex or the other. But we all know going into this there's a 50/50 chance of a boy or girl. I can see being disappointed (actually, not really, but whatever). But for an adult to actually cry about it?
  • To be fair to the PP, while I didnt cry over the sex of my baby i did cry because Starbucks was out of croissants yesterday. Not my proudest moment, but it happens to the best of us.
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  • imagesleepingbeauty825:
    To be fair to the PP, while I didnt cry over the sex of my baby i did cry because Starbucks was out of croissants yesterday. Not my proudest moment, but it happens to the best of us.

    Well yeah, that's a valid thing to cry about IMO!!

    I have only cried once while PG....it's because none of the strollers at BRU were "cute and delicate". LOL!

  • imagepook:
    It is immature. Crying over the sex of a healthy baby? I can see that happening if I paid for the sperm spin or something and was 80% guaranteed one sex or the other. But we all know going into this there's a 50/50 chance of a boy or girl. I can see being disappointed (actually, not really, but whatever). But for an adult to actually cry about it?

    Some people cry more easily than others; tears just well up when they are sad. I don't think whether a person cries in a natural expression of an emotion (as opposed to bottling things up, as opposed to any number of other ways people deal with their emotions) is any reflection of their maturity.  Crying is only immature if it's done purposefully to get your way, like an infant purposefully throwing a fit to get what she wants.

    (Disclosure, in case it was not obvious: I cry easily myself. :)



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  • She's mourning a dream. That is different... it doesn't mean she is immature or cares about her baby any less. I think the mamas who understood were mostly the ones whose families were complete... not the mamas just starting to grow their family.
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  • i am so glad that some of you are above the rest of us who "can't control their emotions". i, personally, cry when watching sappy commercials lately.
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  • imageamatistajoy:
    She's mourning a dream. That is different... it doesn't mean she is immature or cares about her baby any less. I think the mamas who understood were mostly the ones whose families were complete... not the mamas just starting to grow their family.

    this

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  • I totally understand. DH & I really wanted out first to be a boy. But, God has other plans for us as well. After my ultrasound, it took a while to get excited. But now that we've started decorating the nursery, and buying a couple of cute outfits, I'm much more excited.

    (Hugs) Congrats on a healthy baby. And you'll get through the feelings. 

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  • imageamatistajoy:
    She's mourning a dream. That is different... it doesn't mean she is immature or cares about her baby any less. I think the mamas who understood were mostly the ones whose families were complete... not the mamas just starting to grow their family.

    I agree with this.

    While I was disappointed for a little bit, I got over it. But it is hard - knowing this is the last baby and I will never have a son. That is hard. Even knowing my baby was healthy, and by any opinion I am very very very very blessed.

    I did not have ANY of these emotions when I found our sex with DD1 - because we were starting our family. But now, knowing our family is complete? I had to adjust my thinking and my vision of my family.

    ~Lisa~
    Mommy to Rachel 1.15.06 and Ashley 5.17.11
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  • wow get over it, you have a healthy boy on the way! now you have plenty of hand me downs from your whole family, jump for joy. Just be happy for what you have and if you want a girl, adopt one:)
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  • imageamatistajoy:
    She's mourning a dream. That is different... it doesn't mean she is immature or cares about her baby any less. I think the mamas who understood were mostly the ones whose families were complete... not the mamas just starting to grow their family.

    Seriously?  Mourning a dream?  Try mourning the abrupt end of a pregnancy due to miscarriage and then come tell me you're disappointed about your healthy baby's genitalia. 

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  • I cry every five minutes watching Oprah.
  • imageleb2be:
    i am so glad that some of you are above the rest of us who "can't control their emotions". i, personally, cry when watching sappy commercials lately.

    this. I cried because my daughters doctors office closed at 3:30. my thought process: what kind of idiot closes early when my little girl is sick?! Everyone handles things differently, and just because certain things to get to you or upset you doens't mean everyone else is that way, and they shouldn't be EXPECTED to feel the same way you do. Think how boring life would be if we were all the exact same. All I can say to that thought is ew.

    (there are a few ladies who have posted that notoriously disagree with me and I am anxious to see those responses! Wink

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