- Pregnancy
- Baby & Toddler
- Parents
- Getting Pregnant
- Baby Names
- Product Reviews
-
Registry
- Community
-
More
Want a personalized experience?
Download the free app
Trouble TTC
Faith and Infertility
Please excuse my ignorance if this is a regular post of sorts but I wanted to hear feedback from others going through a similar experience.
All the decisions I've had to make after seeing an RE have just made it feel in some ways like we are making "God-like' decisions. From the drugs that overstimulate and bring up lots of follicles (that could cause multiples) to talks about 'reduction' should higher order multiples be conceived. And now I've been told that if I wanted to I could chose the sex of the baby with IVF (99.9% accuracy).
Does anyone else feel uncomfortable about making these decisions? How do you make your determinations? My husband and I have been doing a lot of praying just wanted to hear if anyone else copes/makes decision in different ways.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Faith and Infertility
I haven't been able to see a RE yet do to lack of health insurance. I can't wait until the day comes where I get to meet with one but I never thought about all this. Especially being able to pick the sex of the baby. I would feel very uncomfortable having that option.
I am sorry that you have all this weight on your shoulders right now. Good Luck and prayers for you and your DH.
I know it can be overwhelming to think of all the things we are doing that would normally be out of our hands. I just try to think of it like this: I am trying to bring a baby into this world out of love and that is what matters most. It is just taking me longer and more work (and money) to do it.
With the gender choice, I am not sure how I feel about that. It is not an option that I was given. How does that even work? With PGD that tests the embryo? I guess I would be surprised that an RE would do that if there wasn't a medical reason.
Good luck on your journey. I hope you can have peace with all of this. (((hugs)))
~*Jenna*~
TTC since November 2009.
Currently licensed foster parents with the hope of adopting! Also pursuing pregnancy through IUI! First IUI scheduled 10/3/13
Currently loving our placements:
A 1/08
C 4/11
K 6/12
Hi - I was going to respond anyway, but I saw Jenna's post above, and I feel much the same way. And my name is Jenna too. =-)
I am a very spiritual person, though not "religious" in a traditional sense. I do pray, go to church, etc, but you won't find me standing on any pulpit. That being said, my DH and I are both uncomfortable "playing God", and have for that reason limited out TTC efforts to Clomid (which didn't work) and acupuncture, herbs, tracking, etc. I know this is not the right choice for everyone, and to be honest, in my darkest days I would do anything at all to have another, and I feel much more open to ART.
And I have to say, I am coming to the end of my journey. I have thought for a while that if it didn't happen by June 2011, we would prevent the possibility, because my heart just can't take the pain of hoping any longer. But then I think, isn't preventing "playing God" too?
These decisions are so, so difficult, and there is no easy answer. While I'm not 100% comfortable with ART for us, I am also not 100% ok with calling our family complete. I don't think there is a correct answer - you really need to follow your heart. And rememebr, when you're praying, be sure you take time to listen too. The answer may already be there for you.
*** I dont know if this will confuse you any more, but my doc told me a joke when I brought up this very issue. You may have heard it before:
A farmer is caught in a flood. The river is overflowing, with water surrounding the farmer's home up to his front porch. As he is standing there, a boat comes up, The man in the boat says "Jump in, I'll take you to safety."
The farmer crosses his arms and says stubbornly, "Nope, I put my trust in God."
The boat goes away. The water rises to the second floor. Another boat comes up, the man says to the farmer who is now in the second story window, "Jump in, I'll save you."
The farmer again says, "Nope, I put my trust in God."
The boat goes away. Now the water is up to the roof. As The farmer stands on the roof, a helicopter comes over, and drops a ladder. The pilot yells down to the farmer "I'll save you, climb the ladder."
The farmer says "Nope, I put my trust in God."
The helicopter goes away. The water continues to rise and sweeps the farmer off the roof. He drowns.
The farmer goes to heaven. God sees him and says "What are you doing here?"
The farmer says "I put my trust in you and you let me down."
God says, "What do you mean, let you down? I sent you two boats and a helicopter!!!"
"Just keep swimming, just keep swimming..."
Miracle DD born 12.2005
TTC #2 since Dec 2008 w/ PCOS
***P/SAIF Always Welcome***
Keep it Natural, Baby!
I don't think using ART to have a baby is playing "God". However, everyone is entitled to how they feel and what there comfort level is with tx:) I do believe in God and I am a Christian, but I have struggled with my faith during this hard time while ttc. I prayed hard during our IVF cycle and do believe God has given me some peace about my m/c and has given me the strength to look ahead:) The only reservations I have had during my course of tx is having 8 frozen embryos and what to do with them if we had not experienced our m/c and had a take home baby. We are now going to use these embryos to do an FET.
I don't think using PGD to pick a gender is right imo, but feel if 1 or the other parent carries a genetic/chromosomal abnormality it is just fine to use if this will get that couple there take home baby. Good luck to you:)
It's definitely a tricky line to walk for those of us who believe in God and trust in His plan. DH and I have kind of been of the mindset of ..."are we using Doctors and medicine and it's great advances (which we believe God blesses) to help us get pregnant?...or are we trusting in science to create a baby for us."
Up to this point, I believe we've been using doctors and medical knowledge to help us get pregnant, but we don't want to cross the line into having science create a baby for us." If it came down to that, we would adopt. I'm not comfortable forcing something that God did not have intended for us. It is a hard pill to swallow and it definitely worries me sometimes that we never will get pregnant on our own. But in the end, I trust that His plan for us is greater than any plan I could come up with!
I am a Christian and our first step was choosing a vasectomy reversal. That was the most blessed step for us as we found out at the surgery our doc was a Christian and there was a pic of Jesus during a storm on his wall so we knew we were at the right office.
A year later with no bfp we had to move up to Clomid IUI. I got a lot of negative comments about playing God from friends and family. That was painful. For me I had to trust I wasn't hurting anyone and only God could ultimately give me a bfp. And I knew His grace would cover all my nastiness in the process.
We are TTC again and it is almost as bad the second time around... I pray about it but I kind of feel like if He allows it and my body works it will happen. But If I was 45 and starting this and it failed I sure couldn't blame God. If it fails this time for us at almost 32 with multifactors against us I can't blame God.
I am at a low point spiritually when TTC. As far as the gender goes I personally don't think it is a big deal but that's just me. Each new person has a soul and spirit unique to them so I don't think it's a big deal but I know what you mean about it being right on the edge.
I think the really hard part for me is SR and frozen embies. I won't even try to talk about that because it is so difficul of a decision for many..
Hugs!.
This is tough. I struggle with this daily. Right now, I'm at peace and I *know* God has a plan for my husband and I, even though I'm coming to terms with the fact that it's not going the way we had hoped it would go, and there may be more surprises in store for us down the road.
I think I may view ART a little different than some others may because I have a heart condition which I was born with (it was a "freak" thing, so I'm not any more likely to pass it on to a future child than anyone else without the same condition would). I have a pacemaker which I NEED to live a normal life -- I was never given a choice as to whether or not to have one, and without one, I would likely be bedridden, IF here at all. So I think of that, and I say to myself, "God gave me this burden to carry BUT He also gave me a solution through the technological advances made through the years." God wants me to have a pacemaker because He created the scientists who have made it possible for me to have a normal life.
As my husband and I are struggling with infertility and going through testing, I can't help but to think similar thoughts: why would God have given scientists the ability to use processes such as IVF and other ART procedures, if He didn't want us to use it? I don't know my full diagnosis yet, so at this point I can't say how far my husband and I will have to go to actually have our own biological children, but at this point, I feel as though we will likely use ART, even though we do have a strong faith in God. It's not really a "black and white" thing, and I believe there are many shades of gray and you have to make the best decision for yourselves.
Best of luck to you in figuring all of this out -- it's definitely a lot to think about!