Is it really different having 2 kids then 3?

Married071709 · January 2011

Sneaking over from IF. DH only wants 2 kids. I'm ok with 3. Our risk of twins and triplets are high. I respond very well to the meds. DH doesn't think we can handle 3. I think we can. I would not be able to work, as I wouldn't make as much as we would put out in childcare. I might be able to watch SIL 2 kids eventually for a little bit of extra money. I could also try to find a telemarketing job or something. I'm willing to look around to be able to stay home and make a little bit of extra money.

Is there really a big difference between 2 and 3 kids? His biggest concern is money. I understand his concerns. I'm very frugal. There are ways that we can cut back for a little bit more money. If I'm a stay at home mom I can make more meals so we don't go out as often, we can get rid of the cable, etc.

Could I get your opinions please? I know in the end it is only a decision that myself and DH can make. I would like to see others points of views. I would like some discussion points to talk about with DH.

Thank you!

OrangeSmoke · January 2011

I think so, yes, but not in terms of money. Dh and I are fortunate that we both make decent $$ so maybe we just don't think about it as much?

Twins or not, when you have 2 kids, you can each "take" one and play man to man (as DH puts it). When you have 3, they outnumber you. You also have to get a bigger car, bigger table when you go out to eat, flying for vacations become insanely expensive.

Some people tell me that the third kid is a as big a "shock" to you as your first kid.

But I'm with you, totally want a 3rd.

GuitaristsGirl · January 2011

I've not "been there", but I've been told by others, absolutely, yes - going from 2 to 3 is the biggest change of all. One person even said, if you're going to have 3, might as well have 4 - because all of the big changes are already made. (But you're talking about the possibility of 3 at the same time, right?)

As pp pointed out, you go from "man to man" to "zone" -- you and DH are outnumbered! Or, if it's just you at home, you only have 2 hands! That's what "gets" my DH I get more hung up on the more practical considerations that have been pointed out to me (several of my coworkers have 3) - you have to have a bigger vehicle, and you will need 2 hotel rooms when traveling. eta: Good point above about going out to eat, too - would be harder to get a table!

kimarino13 · January 2011

It would be for us, yes. We would be outnumbered.

howleyshell · January 2011

Ditto PP's AND... there's a HUGE difference in twins vs trips. The potential medical complications increase dramatically when you throw a 3rd in the same gestational space and time.

2 vs 3 kids when they're spaced out is very very different from 3 kids all the same age.

It's a lot to consider.

Have you posted on the multiples board?

I think talking to some trip moms might be helpful.

The good news is that if these are your first children you'll never know any different.

If you have trips you'll do what you have to do and never really know how it could have been different.

GL with your decisions!

browneyedgrl4282 · January 2011

I guess I am the odd one here but I felt like adding a 3rd was no big deal. I pretty much do it all by myself monday - friday from 6am to 9pm! As far as being out numbered, i don't really out numbered, that being said I have pretty easy going kids!

itsmevkb · January 2011

I am pregnant with what I'm hoping will be my third so I can let you know in August.

If I understand your question you're talking about having two or three at one time, correct? My biggest fear with getting pregnant with twins, much less triplets, would be the pregnancy related complications and higher risk of loss. Triplets make for a very high risk pregnancy. So, my thought process would start there.

Married071709 · January 2011

Yes, I am asking about twins or triplets. I went from 3 follicles to 7 follicles in 2 days. We cancelled our IUI because of it. I am wondering how future cycles will go because of my response to the meds. We are trying to do IVF but the money part of it is just not working out for us. We might try 1 more injectible IUI.

JillRock96 · January 2011

Obviously I had one then twins, so not three at a time, but I feel like YES, it is VERY different. During the rare moments when one is sleeping or DH takes one on an errand, to the doctor, etc., I honestly think to myself, "this is so easy!" To me, three means that even two parents cannot give every child individual attention at one time if they need it. If I'm changing/bathing one child and DH is feeding one, we still have to both be vigilant of what the third child is doing. A lot of times when we both have our hands full, one of the babies has to be in a crib/pack-n-play/jumperoo, etc. (and is often not happy about it) so that we know they are safe while we finish up whatever we need to do.

And in terms of sleep, I feel like during the first few months with twins it felt like someone was almost always awake, around the clock. I imagine that with triplets, that must *actually* be the case, at least in the beginning.

Ditto PP regarding three changing things in terms of cars, travel, etc. We could have fit two convertible seats in our car and SUV. We could NOT fit three, so we had to trade in the car for a minivan (and only use the SUV for short trips with our toddler). Traveling by plane is not possible right now, since we would really need an extra set of hands to get through security and actually get ourselves on the plane. Just running errands is really hard, since we have two babies in infant carriers, plus a toddler that still needs help with the stairs, needs to picked up and put in her car seat and strapped in, etc. If we had two children, we could each take one, no problem.

Sorry for such a novel -- but, to make a long story short, yes, I think it is very different!

ladychicago · January 2011

I would never move forward with a cycle if there was a "good chance" of triplets. Not only would having three newborns be incredibly difficult, but the risks to me and those babies would just be too high. I have seen and heard of too many sad stories about early losses, prematurity, long NICU stays (and talk about expensive...), and the list goes on. I think most of the other replies were assuming you were talking about adding a third child to a two child household. Not triplets v. Twins. Can I ask, if you respond so well to the meds, why are you doing injectible IUIs? If response isn't an issue, why risk the HOM with injects? I see you did clomid before. What was your response then? How many cycles? And with TI or IUIs?

Married071709 · January 2011

We have done 3 Clomid cycles with TI that resulted with cysts and thin lining. We did one Femara cycle with IUI and had 1 follicle.

My RE gave us a 10-15% chance of conceiving with oral meds and IUI. 20-30% chance with injectibles and IUI.

Our best option is IVF. We just can't do it right now. Were trying to save money.

ladychicago · January 2011

Well, without knowing all of the details, in your shoes, i would probably do another femera IUI (not that you were asking for that advice). My RE strongly advised against inject IUIs with me for the same reason...I respond very well to meds and the risk of HOM was too high. Between the risks of multiples pregnancy and the difficulty/expense of three babies, I just couldn't do it. But I know how hard it is when money is involved in making treatment decisions. It isn't fair - and your situation is exactly why it is in everyone's best interest to have mandatory IF insurance coverage. There would be no temptation for risky IUIs if IVF was affordable. Either way, I would try to talk to and get advice from moms of twins and triplets, and get as much information as you can about the risks and expenses (both short term and long term, like three kids in college...) before you move on. Good luck to you! I know it is a really tough position to be in!

LVBlvd · January 2011

JillRock96:
Obviously I had one then twins, so not three at a time, but I feel like YES, it is VERY different. During the rare moments when one is sleeping or DH takes one on an errand, to the doctor, etc., I honestly think to myself, "this is so easy!" To me, three means that even two parents cannot give every child individual attention at one time if they need it. If I'm changing/bathing one child and DH is feeding one, we still have to both be vigilant of what the third child is doing. A lot of times when we both have our hands full, one of the babies has to be in a crib/pack-n-play/jumperoo, etc. (and is often not happy about it) so that we know they are safe while we finish up whatever we need to do.
And in terms of sleep, I feel like during the first few months with twins it felt like someone was almost always awake, around the clock. I imagine that with triplets, that must *actually* be the case, at least in the beginning.
Ditto PP regarding three changing things in terms of cars, travel, etc. We could have fit two convertible seats in our car and SUV. We could NOT fit three, so we had to trade in the car for a minivan (and only use the SUV for short trips with our toddler). Traveling by plane is not possible right now, since we would really need an extra set of hands to get through security and actually get ourselves on the plane. Just running errands is really hard, since we have two babies in infant carriers, plus a toddler that still needs help with the stairs, needs to picked up and put in her car seat and strapped in, etc. If we had two children, we could each take one, no problem.
Sorry for such a novel -- but, to make a long story short, yes, I think it is very different!

Ditto, a 100%. having three is very different then 2. Like Jill, when my toddler is gone and I just have the twins, I think- this is so easy! Three (especially if they are multiples) is a whole different ballgame.

LSUBride3 · January 2011

YES!

You are outnumbered with DH...when you are w/out DH (i.e. SAHM) you only have 2 hands. What do you do with the 3rd kid?

And like you i am in the same boat with money. It wouldn't make sense for me to work because it would just even out the cost of childcare(or we'd lose money). But the difference here is if you'd like to be a SAHM. I would NOT

GL

browneyedgrl4282 · January 2011

Maybe why I feel like it is no different is because i never just had one baby! i started off with two and had another almost year later to date! I know no better, like I said I am home alone most of the time with the kids so I have pretty much always been out numbered, but i don't look at it like that!

JM1977 · January 2011

I think if you are worried about the cost of IVF, you should definitely do everything you can to avoid multiples. I would imagine that twins or triplets would cause significant financial strain if you're not already in a good place.

perry7285 · January 2011

JM1977:
I think if you are worried about the cost of IVF, you should definitely do everything you can to avoid multiples. I would imagine that twins or triplets would cause significant financial strain if you're not already in a good place.

this. kids are SO expensive. if you really think you have a high chance of trips with a given treatment, really sit down and crunch the numbers for how much it would cost to have triplets. don't just leave it as a vague idea in your head that it would be "expensive"--really add up the numbers and compare it to how much money you make. even if you're going to be a SAHM . . . have you thought about health insurance for each of them? the co-pays for medical care? (we just paid $900 for vaccinations for out little one!) the cost of formula for a year for three babies if you can't make enough BM for three? the cost of baby equipment (we spent about $2500 for one baby, and we got a lot of our stuff from craigslist)? the list goes on and on.

i would seriously consider stopping and saving up for IVF (or putting it on a credit card) if you conclude that you can't afford triplets. i would be willing to bet that the costs of multiples exceed the cost of IVF pretty quickly.

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