Give it to me straight, what am I doing wrong?

summer80 · January 2011

My 13 month old does not STTN and he hasn't since he was 10 months old, prior to that he was a champion sleeper. Things are difficult right now as we've been staying with family for the past few months while we have some remodeling done. So he sleeps in a pack n play next to our bed. He usually goes down at 830pm, our routine is 8 ounces of milk at bed time and then we turn on the lullaby music and rock or gently bounce him to sleep. Then we put him in the pack n play and he'll usually stir if not completely wake up around 11pm, so we pick him up, rock him back to sleep. Then around 3am he'll wake up and we repeat what we did at 11pm, sometimes I bring him into bed and we sleep for a bit & then I put him back in the pack n play. On a bad night he'll wake up every hour from 3 on till I just cave and let him sleep in our bed, & sometimes THAT doesn't even work!

Now I know there are a slew of things wrong with what we are doing, and this not STTN problem was happening before we moved in with family. But please give me some advice, especially since we are moving back home in another week he never slept next to our bed till we had to temporarily move out. I am actually just today trying to introduce a lovey, thinking of doing evening bathtime and lavender lotions, what else is there short of CIO, I can't really do that at the moment living with family...

Also, if it helps to know, he takes two one hour naps a day. The last one is usually from 3:30pm- 4:30pm.

I am seriously desperate for help, the lack of sleep I feel has changed me as a person, it's affected every area of my life, marriage, work, friendships, money, health. I am just so tired and feel like this is so much harder than when he was a newborn. Atleast then I was able to figure out what he needed!

Liss_37 · January 2011

IMO if i were you I'd wait until you move into your new place, put him right in his own room from the beginning and start to CIO. it may seem harsh but all at once is better, I think.

mariahcohen · January 2011

We went through a rough patch with sleep not too long ago and I know how you feel!

We didn't change anything he just figured it out one night. Now he sleeps all night...although I feel I may have just jinxed us!

I always got up to rock him back to sleep; then one night my DH went up and just put his hand on his back and he went right back to sleep. A couple of weeks of just dad going up made all the difference. Maybe just less together time during sleep...that is my only advice. Good Luck!

JLG95 · January 2011

Maybe there's something in the environment that's waking him up. Is the TV too loud? Daddy snoring? Room too hot? Too cold? Too much light coming in the window? Reflux or gas from dinner?

I've struggled with my baby waking randomly in the last few months. DH and I realized his room was too noisy and he was getting cold at night. So we replaced his bedroom door with a solid wood door (much quieter) and I bought him some toddler sized sleep sacks because he kept crawling out from under the covers. Since making all the changes, we've had several peaceful nights.

mistywhite400 · January 2011

lisswastaken:
IMO if i were you I'd wait until you move into your new place, put him right in his own room from the beginning and start to CIO. it may seem harsh but all at once is better, I think.

I agree with liss!

Soap1 · January 2011

I agree with a pp that you may just have to do CIO. Until you are able to, I would suggest making the middle of the night stuff as boring as possible. Instead of rocking of comforting, just give him a quick kiss and pat and lay him back down. If he cries, just rinse and repeat, but don't rock or cuddle or sing or anything. You want him to know that the middle of the night is not the time for rocking and cuddling.

Then be sure to give him extra cuddles during the day! It may be a couple of extremely rough nights but he needs to learn how to sleep and you need rest!

tabi_ja · January 2011

Have you read the No Cry Sleep Solution? I read it when Miles was tiny, but forgot all about it once he started STTN at 2 weeks old. Well, by 4 months old, he had stopped STTN, and didn't start again until he was almost 12 months. I picked it up again at the beginning of the year, with the intention of reviewing the napping section (Miles is a terrible napper). I ended up reading the entire thing again, and it totally changed my attitude about getting him to sleep, which in turn led to a less-stressed Mommy, and a less-stressed Miles. His hour-long bedtime routine is now less than 10 minutes long, he still STTN, and now, he's napping like a champ.

I can't promise the same sort of results, and originally when we tried it for bedtime, it didn't work for us - but it certainly works, now.

Whatever you try, I hope you find something that works. Being sleep deprived for that long hurts. I know. <Hugs>

mistresscox · January 2011

lisswastaken:
IMO if i were you I'd wait until you move into your new place, put him right in his own room from the beginning and start to CIO. it may seem harsh but all at once is better, I think.

this was my first thought also. it will suck, but I think it's your best bet at this point. Sad

jennylynne_01 · January 2011

lisswastaken:
IMO if i were you I'd wait until you move into your new place, put him right in his own room from the beginning and start to CIO. it may seem harsh but all at once is better, I think.

I agree with getting him in his own room as soon as you can. Also, there should be no reason that you have to be rocking him to sleep at this age and it sounds like you may have started a bad habit by doing this. He really needs to learn to fall asleep on his own. Toddlers (like adults) wake up several times a night but until he acquires the ability to soothe himself back to sleep, he'll always be waking you up to look for comfort back to sleep. So now you just have to teach him to soothe himself. We did a modified version of Ferber. Letting her CIO little amounts at a time, working our way to longer periods in between. Eventually she stopped needing our help and is sleeping like a champ and so are we! Have you tried cutting out his late afternoon nap as well? And do you do a nighttime routine like snack, bath, book and bed? Good luck!!

m0132 · January 2011

lisswastaken:
IMO if i were you I'd wait until you move into your new place, put him right in his own room from the beginning and start to CIO. it may seem harsh but all at once is better, I think.

This. The more you keep rocking/picking your LO up, and giving into them the worse it is going to be..he will know that every time he cries you will bring him in bed with you. IDK how your LO is but I could only go in and comfort DD (without picking her up) like pat her back and then walk out when she was younger and we were cutting nighttime feedings. I tried it when we were weaning from the binky and it was 10x worse after she saw me so I had to leave her in the room and let her CIO. Might suck at first but it will be worth it later on.

trackchik6 · January 2011

I read and liked Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Child. It sounds like your LO does not know how to put himself to sleep or back to sleep and is relying on you to do it. I would do CIO when you move out next week. GL.

yelena1223 · January 2011

I also agree with trying it CIO when you get back to the house, but in the meantime- try the sound machine (white noise) on for the whole night and NOT getting him when he stirs. Our kid still cries out in the middle of the night and we just listen, usually she cries out for a minute or two (in her sleep apparently) and goes back to sleep... so usually- they continue sleeping if you don't pick them up- and the few times that we DID go get her- she just woke up more, and wanted nothing to do with sleep. So leave him be until morning. I bet that in a few days his sleep will improve, since he will see that his crying does not bring mommy or daddy to him and is pointless... (and if he cries in his sleep- then no need to get him at all)

sarahns80 · January 2011

I don't know how long he's been sleeping in a PNP but it may be that. DD slept horrible when she had to sleep in her PNP on vacation. They don't seem comfortable. If you have no option to use a mattress or crib then you may try putting some extra padding/blankets under the PNP sheet. You might also wait 5 minutes before doing anything to see if he will go back to sleep on his own.

Jen&Joe06 · January 2011

B didn't start STTN until 15 months. Even now it doesn't happen every night. I used to nurse him every time he woke up and I slowly stopped that. If he woke up I would put him back on his tummy, put his soother in and rub his back.

I think you need to be consistent in your approach. Right now you sometimes pick him up and bounce/rock him. Sometimes you bring him to bed with you. Sometimes he stays in bed with you, sometimes he goes back in the PnP. From his perspective this must be confusing. I would stick with one method of response. Be consistent and it will start to work.

Wait until you are back in your house to start.

Have you tried putting him down earlier?

drina777 · January 2011

I know how you feel. I'm still working on this.. but I think it's because he knows you are right there and in the same room. So when he has his own room it should be better. I moved and DD has her own room now. Still working on STTN but a whole lot better. I have been staying at my moms because of snow. We share a room there. She is up so much more.

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