"I'm not your playmate, I am your mother"

Bride2b2004 · January 2011

Do you think that is a bad thing to tell your 4yo?

In a post below a mom said she told that to her 4yo and the mom felt bad. I think 4 year olds tend to think everyone is here for their entertainment and sometimes it is necessary to set boundaries... so I don't think that is a bad thing to say and don't think the mother should feel bad about that... but I'm wondering what others think. WDYT?

Andrewsgal · January 2011

I tell my 4 year old that too. I agree DD needs to know I am not her personal entertainer and needs to learn to play by and entertain herself

littlemermaid · January 2011

I've been telling my kids that since they were little. Children need to learn to play independently. I would have gotten absolutely nothing done if I played with them everytime they wanted me to.

goodheartedmommy · January 2011

I agree with you. I do enjoy playing with my children, but it's not my responsibility to do so 24 hours a day. I know many people who don't clean, take a shower, sit down and watch 15 minutes of tv or read a book for a few minutes while their children are awake.

Zenya · January 2011

I don't tell my kids that outright but I think it's understood. I've never been one to play with my kids non stop. I don't think it's a good idea, even if I had the patience for it (which I don't).

Bride2b2004 · January 2011

Okay, thought maybe I was a little desensitized or something after living with a 4yo that clamors for us to "play with meeeeee" constantly.

Zenya:
I don't tell my kids that outright but I think it's understood. I've never been one to play with my kids non stop. I don't think it's a good idea, even if I had the patience for it (which I don't).

That's how my mother was and I never remember asking her to play with me. When she did, it was an unexpected treat. I play with my kids a lot.... whenever I can and I enjoy it and so do they. So, I am sure it is my fault that he thinks of me and DH as playmates and cries and whines when we aren't playing with him... but sometimes I need to make dinner, sometimes I need to get a shower, or take care of the baby and sometimes I just don't feel like playing and I try to communicate this gently, but for the past couple days I have shortened to "I'm not your playmate, I am your mommy and I have to ____ right now".... but the post below got me thinking that maybe that isn't a nice thing to say and, if so, I figured my fellow bumpies wouldn't have a problem telling me

Zenya · January 2011

My mom never played with us, either. I kind of try to strike a balance but I think I err too much on my mother's side . We do have 'special playtime' every day (when Sara is napping) and I do great at outings. Like at least once a day we GO somewhere and I am good at engaging then. Usually after dinner we play something (Uno, a board game).

I'm best when I have structure so for ages now I've been thinking I need to add another specific time of day when we sit down and play together.

JOEBunny · January 2011

I have no problem with that. I have said it. I am not her playmate, she is not mine. She is my daughter, my job is to raise her not be her friend.

septemberdreams · January 2011

I've been saying it since DS was 2 1/2.

jessicaclare · January 2011

I don't think I've every said those exact words, but yeah, its understood. I love my kids, and I do like to play with them, but its not my job to entertain them every second. A friend of mine that just quit her job to stay at home fore a while asked me what I do and I told her that exact thing. I think she felt relieved!

shopgirl78 · January 2011

I have never said it either but it is also understood. I do try to spend time with them playing daily but its only and hour or so out of my day. They play with each other alot or have a neighbor friend over. I am NOT 24 hour entertainment!

LeoChic · January 2011

That was me that said that. Just to clarify, I didn't feel bad about what I said, I felt bad about how I said it. The backstory: I had been playing with DD most of the day. I'd get up to switch laundry or take care of the LO here and there. At one point I received a phone call from my sister who I don't talk to very often. I sat down in the room away from DD to take the call. As soon as I got on the call she started interrupting me. Each time I'd tell her I was on the phone and to give me a minute. After the 5th interruption wherein she was trying to hand me a teacup for pretend play, I lost it. I grabbed her arm (because she was putting the cup right into my face) and told her "I'm on the phone. I've been playing with you all day. I will play with you again in a bit. I'm not your playmate, I'm your mother. Now go."

I think it may have been the look on her face that got me more than anything. And the fact that my childless sister, who I was on the phone with, got kind of quiet and went "mmmmkkkkkkaaayyyy" in what I interpreted as a judgy tone. As soon as I hung up the phone I went in and apologized to her but explained that she needs to learn to be respectful of other people and not interrupt.

KRISTA555 · January 2011

My DD is still really young, but I'm afraid I'm going to fall into the trap of her expecting me to play with her all the time. I was like that with my former step-children... but, then again, they were only around every other weekend so of course I wanted to play with them.

I guess my fear is turning into my mom- I don't remember one single time her playing with me, except for when I became an adult and now we play board games at their house. But as a child, never. It makes me sad to think about.