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Success after IF
how do you decide? (long)
I'm being a little PWish tonight. Hope you don't mind! This is my last new thread, I swear.
I can't decide on whether to try for a second child. In my heart I know I want two kids, but my head isn't so sure. My head worries about money and how on earth we'll manage two kids with no family support. My heart says we'll manage somehow and that it will be so worth it.
If our expenses stay the same, and if DH's salary remains the same, we would pretty much break even every month for the first year of baby #2's life (for as long as I'd get maternity/parental benefits). I'm not really sure what we'd do after that, but I am sure that we'd figure it out. We'd have to, right?
We have a pretty simple lifestyle. We don't go on vacations. We wouldn't be giving anything up. Besides, I keep telling myself that it would only be hard, financially and otherwise, for a short time, while the kids are little, right? Once they're in school, I could go back to work without having to deal with daycare costs and we'll be fine.
There is a chance we could move to my hometown sometime in the next few years, where we could have a hope of owning a home someday, and where we'd have my family to help out. Only our work situations are holding us back right now.
Gah! I don't know how to make this decision. But I do know that tomorrow, when I see my doctor for my physical, she's going to ask if I want a referral to an RE to start trying for #2, and I don't know what I'm going to say.
While DH says he too would like to have another child, he'd also be perfectly fine with one, and he seems to be leaning toward the "we can't afford another kid" side of the fence.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: how do you decide? (long)
Totally cliched, impersonal response, but one that actually has rung true to me - I've seen people say that you regret the kids you don't have, never the ones you have (ok, maybe doesn't hold true for like, crackwhores, but generally seems pretty pithy).
If you want a second, and you can do it financially, I would. I would think otherwise if you seriously couldn't afford it, but it sounds like that isn't the case, it's more of a diminished flexibility thing. Best of luck whatever you decide!
Ditto this!
I'm having the same kind of thoughts about a third....I doubt I'll ever get DH on board though. Practicality and finances are on his side, unfortunately.
They arrived at 36 weeks after PTL and bedrest for 14 weeks.
Ditto all of this!
Schmoodle - L O L - too funny and sadly true!
We knew we wanted 2 but were given little hope by the docs.
We tried right away and were SHOCKED silly when I ended up pregnant.
The boys are 17 months apart. Closest family is a plane ride away.
I cried a LOT. I was terrified. Had no clue how I'd handle 2 so close, no clue what it meant to my career, etc.
Some sage advice I got was to look at the big picture.
Imagine the kids at 4 and 5, then 7 and 8, 13 and 14, etc.
Imagine them at 25 and 26.
How does your whole LIFE look with 2 children in it long term, not 2 babies or toddlers because they'll be your children for much longer than they'll be your babies or toddlers.
The first few years are tough. The $$ and logistics with 2 and daycare can be tough too. We actually found a nanny to be less expensive than daycare so maybe research that cost a bit and see if it's something you're more comfortable with.
But.. at 3 and 4 it's already so much easier.
When considering having another (3rd) I posted and got the "you'll never regret a child you have but may regret the one you don't" quote and it really hit home for me.
Sadly another was not meant to be but I'm glad we tried.
I swore I was done at 2 when pregnant with #2 so close together. I'd planned a tubal during section but was not allowed to have one due to delivering at a Catholic hospital.
Imagine my shock when I found my heart calling for another!
I think if you dig deep in your heart the answer is probably there.
Total score: 6 pregnancies, 5 losses, 2 amazing blessings that I'm thankful for every single day.
But seriously...sounds to me like you already know what you want and are just reconciling your head with that heart of yours...
Unrelated note, now that we all have babies we must coordinate a playdate with CBL too!
Thanks, ladies. Yes, I guess I do know what I want. I keep telling DH we would make it work somehow. Of course we would. When we talked about it again after I posted this thread, he said he doesn't see how we would make it work. Well, I don't know all the details, but I know we'll be fine.
Impasse. I asked what happens if we can't agree on this.
And he said, "Then I guess we'll go with your gut."
"Whose gut?"
"Your gut."
I'm going to go ahead and get that referral.
You ladies are absolutely right. I know we won't regret it. A few years from now, are we going to think of our child as a mistake? Of course not.
And juliannat, that would be amazing! "Now that we all have babies" -- how awesome is that??
Not that I was implying there was any avoidance by those of us WITHOUT kids up to now
Get the referral. You know it will probably take awhile to get an appointment!
Good luck!
My husband was one and done too- but once we got the storage bill it brought up alllll kind of crazy emotions for me. He suggested to donate the embryos I just couldn't do it, thinking of doing anything else but to at least try and use them made me sooo sad. He finally came around and we are doing an FET at the end of the month or beginning of next.
Just tell him a happy wife= a happy husband
or someone on this board told me to tell him-I am having more children they just might not call you daddy. hahahaha
He'll come around, I also told mine well if you don't let me try to use them you are going to have to shell out A LOT of money for therapy that I'll need. I think that hit home too. Good luck