NAPR: Nanny Question

m_and_m · January 2011

If you have used a nanny, have been/are a nanny, or have friends who have used or have been/are a nanny-

How much did the nanny take the kids places? Play dates, parks, library, indoor play places, random kid activities.

Were they at home all the time? Was there a set schedule with little no deviation?

two-pink-shoes · January 2011

I nannied for a summer for two little demons...I mean, boys (3 and 5). They had a roughly set naptime in the afternoon, but we went somewhere pretty much every morning. They belonged to a pool so we went there a lot plus library story times, the museum, McDonald's (for the play area), skating, etc.

m_and_m · January 2011

Okay, this is what I thought. I've been a nanny for a family for about a year and a half, and I have always taken the kids places- it's a rare day when we don't have an outing and usually because somebody is sick or the weather makes it unsafe. They've recently started making comments about "regular" nannies not taking kids anywhere unless the parents request it, such as Dr's appt's. That the kids are always in the same place all day, it's not usual for a nanny to be reimbursed for mileage, etc.

When they got PG with #2 they spoke with a "consultant" of some kind who fed them some strange stuff, or seems to think I run an in-home daycare (we're in my home, at their initial request but there are no other children and I have a nanny contract).

anna7602 · January 2011

I'm surprised by the attitude of the family you are working for. I know my child and know she would be miserable if she were inside all day.

To answer your question, yes, our nanny regularly takes DD out. She tries to schedule play dates with other kids in the morning and then goes to library or playground in the afternoon. But, if she can't pull a play date together, she will plan a daylong outing for DD. This past Monday, for example, they went to the Science Museum. I was thrilled because I am personally sick of the Science Museum, but I know DD loves it. I paid for the nanny's subway ride to and from the Museum, paid for her entrance ticket and gave her spending money in case DD wanted any food besides the packed lunch.

She has also taken DD to the zoo in the past (with my membership card), to story hours at FAO Schwartz (which is nowhere near my home) and other activities like that. I LOVE that I don't have to give her much direction. She just looks into activities and asks me if it's okay to take DD there. If it's a play date or somewhere local, she doesn't even tell me beforehand. I trust her completely. The only thing I had to lay the ground rules on was transportation. She took a cab home once and I told her I preferred she didn't take cabs with DD (car seats aren't required by cabs in NYC and I HATE the idea of DD riding in a cab without a car seat). She hasn't done it since.

m_and_m · January 2011

We have a contract that spells all this stuff out, and verbal agreements as well (one being that I won't have a position where I do not leave the house). This was a big thing when she got PG again because I can't put three seats in the Prius, so it was either find another vehicle or not continue to work for them. Anyway, I'm the only nanny they've had and lately they have some "interesting" ideas about what a nanny does. Like full housekeeping, not leaving with the kids, laundry, cooking family meals, etc. Not that they expect these things of me, but they're trying to use them as bargaining chips of a sort to keep me from asking for more money (I've never asked for more outside of my contract, but I am paid far below market for my areas because I have the kids in my home and have my own daughter with me. And I'm okay with that.). I wanted to know who was more in line with the norm, since they keep referencing "regular" nannies.

mamaholic · January 2011

We have a nanny and she takes DD out when the weather is nice enough. As soon as spring comes they will likely be out every day.

anna7602 · January 2011

My nanny is only part-time, so the cooking & cleaning are not a normal part of the job or anything I expected. She cleans up DD's toys and will straighten up a little more than that if a play date is planned for our house, but that's it. Among friends of mine who have FT nannies, the cooking/cleaning/general housekeeping really vary. One friend of mine really lucked out and has dinner waiting for her and her DH most nights, but that is NOT the norm. This same friend also had her nanny cook all the food for her DS's birthday party, something I would feel really bad even asking our nanny to do, but that's just the kind of relationship she has with her nanny. Another friend of mine's nanny has taken the kids overnight before, but that's highly unusual.

My point is just to say there's really no such thing as "normal" or "regular." I can imagine few relationships more personal and subjective than the one between a parent and the nanny.

Reepicheep · January 2011

I've never been an official nanny. I was a handicapped attendant for a couple of years for an autistic girl. I made up an extremely set schedule every day. It usually had no more than a 5 minute margin of error, but that's what the girl needed, I wouldn't normally do something like that! I did my best to take her tons of places, her therapy, horseback riding, the park, the movies, the mall, on walks, my friend's house to visit their kitten, etc. There were plenty of days we didn't leave the house, but that was usually because she was having a bad day and going somewhere would stress her out or because some idiot in a mustang totaled my car and my fiance had to drive me everywhere. (God bless DH!) I've also had some regular babysitting jobs, but those were usually only a few hours a day. One of them was around nap time, so there wasn't a whole lot of time to go places and the other family didn't have an extra car seat, so we usually stayed at home unless the parents drove us. But if I'd had a car seat or more time, I'd certainly have taken the kids places (as long as the parents wanted me to, of course).

SGreen04 · January 2011

My sister is a nanny for a family with 4 LOs. The oldest one is in Kindergarten this year and the youngest is about a year old. She's been with them (in their home daily)since the oldest was a baby. I don't know exactly what is considered normal, but she does everything for those kids!

She takes them to mommy and me classes, the park, science center, etc. They do lots of activities but the family has always paid for the activities (not sure about gas/mileage). Before my sister had a car big enough for them all, the family would leave their SUV for her to drive. Not sure if they still do.

She does their laundry, does preschool with them most days, is in charge of all the weaning/potty training, drops off and picks up the oldest one from school, helps with his homework, and has dinner ready when the parents get home. She even does their Chirstmas shopping, pumpkin carving, etc!

It's actually sad how little interaction the parents have with their own kids in this case. My sister is great to them, the kids love her, and she loves them too. She is even waiting until the baby is in school to start her own family because she would feel so bad leaving them with someone else or... gasp!... with their parents (who are pretty clueless).

Like I said, I'm not sure all of this is considered normal. The parents are a little "different" to say the least. But this is the only experience I could draw from to answer your question.

spunkyprincessmande · January 2011

I was a nanny for several years. I was there typically three days a week. I tried to take the kids out at least one of those days. During the summer we went somewhere almost everyday: the park, a friend's house, the zoo, swimming, etc. We didn't have much of a schedule. Sometimes the kids would have an activity already set up (playdate with a friend, camp, etc.) and sometimes I would make up the activity. When we weren't out, we played in their basement or backyard a lot. We had dance parties, baked, did art projects, played games, etc. The only kind of schedule we had was lunch and nap time.

m_and_m · January 2011

anna7602:
I'm surprised by the attitude of the family you are working for. I know my child and know she would be miserable if she were inside all day.

So is their child and mine! When he's unhappy the only guaranteed way to make him happy is to go somewhere, anywhere.

We've had a situation similar to yours, except most places that require payment we get around having to pay for both kids (ie, my BFF bought us a membership to the Children's Museum for DD's birthday so we all get in free with that; I have an Entertainment Book with a lot of BOGO coupons for kids stuff; I get a lot of promo deals through my business and mom's groups). I tell them every morning what we have planned, and tell them in the evening anything special we did (changes of plans due to naps, better options coming up, etc). We generally go to the same places, so unless it's further away than usual or a special even they might prefer to do as a family (Pumpkin Patch, Thomas The Train event) we don't discuss it beforehand. I know they appreciate the places I take him and the opportunities he has (for example, we go out to eat in restaurants fairly regularly and he has great public behavior for a 2yo).Oh, and being in Austin the cab/subway thing is a non-issue but I've had the seats in my vehicles checked and they've never asked for a copy of my driving record but it's clean and they're welcome to see it if they ever want to.

I think the mom got a little freaked out at DD's birthday party, though. All the kids and other parents know Zee, because we do things with them regularly, but she had only met one of them before. I imagine it's a little unsettling when you walk into someplace and all these strangers know your kid (it was only 5 other families in our home, but still).

anna7602:
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My point is just to say there's really no such thing as "normal" or "regular." I can imagine few relationships more personal and subjective than the one between a parent and the nanny.

I agree completely. The Dad seems to have this assumption that all of these things are standard when you hear "nanny" and "$XX/yr" when what he's really talking about is "nanny manager" and "$XXX/yr" in our area.

fredalina:
We don't expect our nanny to do any housekeeping other than picking up toys before we come home because Charlotte is so high needs and we do pay a little less than market (we really can't afford a nanny but Char got kicked out of preschool for biting so we're pulling her out for a while), but in my area the kids' laundry and light housekeeping are typical. Cooking, well the child's meals of course and some cook dinner for the family, but that's not "typical" and neither is the adults' laundry or "full" housekeeping (like deep cleaning, cleaning bathrooms, etc) .

That's how it is here, and they also can't really afford a full pay nanny.

The funny thing is, they don't have to do ANYTHING for the kids in the daytime hours. I do all the shopping, meal planning, food prep, planning of activities, the kids have extra clothes at my house that I launder, I do the bed sheets, return any dishes (sippies, bottles for the newborn, car breakfast dishes) clean, and clean up after the kids. The only difference is we're in my house instead of theirs most of the time, but I do all the same stuff when we're at their home.

If they want me to be in their home FT and do all these other things (full housekeeping, family cooking, family laundry) I'm open to that but not at my current pay. They have a heck of a bargain- they pay the same as if they had both kids in a mid to high-end daycare center and I'm technically an independent contractor so they don't pay my taxes or benefits.

lpstl · January 2011

I don't have a nanny (H is a SAHD), but I can tell you what a couple people I know do.

My sister has been a nanny off and on for about 7 years. She has always gone to the family's home (she doesn't have kids of her own, so logistically that just makes more sense), she doesn't do too many outings outside of scheduled things (sports, school activities, etc), and she typically will do housework if the kids are napping or something (she says she doesn't feel it's appropriate to just sit around if she doesn't have anything to do while she's being paid, so she finds things to do).One thing to keep in mind is she has always worked with multiple kids (3-5), so outings can be a little more difficult, I believe she goes more frequently if she had kids that aren't school aged while the other kids are at school.

A good friend of mine has a nanny for one child, and she is always taking him out places. They probably go somewhere at least 3 times a week. I don't believe she does any housework outside of cleaning up after her self and LO.

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