HELP! PLEASE NO FLAMES!

jessicada76 · October 2008

I need advice from my BEST FRIENDS! Wink

What do I do for my friend. She is an older friend (in her 50's) and her husband was just arrested for child molesting. What do I say? How can I be there for her? I need some advice please.

7/04Bride · October 2008

Oh no! That's terrible! I would guess that she had no idea. Ask if there's anything you can do for her. Maybe at some point take her out for dinner or something and just be there to listen.

amajane · October 2008

Yowza! Just be her friend and listen to her without judgement.

jessicada76 · October 2008

I have been to her house for two nights now. I am offering storage from some things in our home. (She needs the money she is using for her storage bin to live on now that she won't have his income) and I have offered to take her to eat but she won't go. I can't force her to leave but I feel bad that all I do is sit there and watch her cry and listen to her say that it would be better if he were dead. I know I am doing all I can but I feel bad that I can't do more. Thanks for listening!

Mama Jan · October 2008

How awful! This is going to be a long process for her so just continue to be present in her life. Send her notes of encouragement, call to check in. Let her know you haven't abandoned her. Bring her dinner (and eat with her!) when she's ready for that. Obviously there is nothing you can do to fix it - she just needs to know people are still there and still care.

And if you guys drink... bring over a bottle of wine and a box of kleenex! Wink

SparklyCutie · October 2008

just be a friend, listen and lend a shoulder to cry on....how awful!

LoriFalce · October 2008

Oh, Jessica, how awful!

Make it clear to her that you are there FOR HER. Don't discuss the situation with her husband unless she brings it up; I'm sure she thinks absolutely everyone is talking about it non-stop, and she's probably right. If she does bring it up, make sure you express to her that not only do you not blame her, you aren't judging her or the situation. You know, even if it isn't true. Also, something most people tend to forget in situations that involve volatile crimes, he isn't necessarily guilty just because he's been charged. Be there for her to use as a sounding board. Sometimes people just need to have someone to vent to, someone they feel safe talking to. If you can be that person for her, I guarantee she will appreciate it more than a check for a million dollars.

For yourself, don't listen to details any more than absolutely necessary. They are excruciating. There are about three child molestation cases I have covered over the years that will go with me to my grave. There are things you read in an affidavit that aren't printed in the paper for a reason. People stop reading the paper if it gives them nightmares.

If you or your friend want any specific advice, explanations, etc., feel free to shout out, or email me at lorifalce@gmail.com.

lishalou · October 2008

This same situation just happened recently in the town I work in. I didn't know him but everyone I work w/ does. His wife like your friend is going to need your support and non judgemental ear. I'm sure she is humiliated and probably hasn't a clue where her life is going from here... she will need yours and everyone elses prayers.... Let her know that you are there for her for whatever she needs...

melsie · October 2008

there are a lot of situations that are labeled "child molesting" and a lot of valid and non-valid claims... it all depends on the situation, try to be an open mind and an open ear for her. she's probably going thru a lot right now, so a good ear and letting her talk things out if she wants, or just doing things to get it off her mind might help also... if it were me i'd just put it out there to her that you are her friend no matter what and you are there for her no matter what she needs.

i'm sure she's feeling completely ostrasized right now and very alone (and more than likely completely in shock). poor thing...

KUJayhawkBride · October 2008

I think you've gotten some solid advice here, but just reinterating....just be there for her. it's probably not really something she wants to talk about so be there as a friend offer a laugh, a hug or a meal without being too in her face! Stay strong!

jessicada76 · October 2008

Thanks for all the advice! ((((HUGS TO ALL)))))

marriedchick06 · October 2008

Everybody gave great advice!!! Just wanted to send some (((hugs))).

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