Do you think you want more because you can't have it?

sommerrayne · January 2011

I was reading "in a perfect world" post below and it got me to thinking.

Do you think you THINK you want more kids than you can have because you know its prohibitive to have them (dangerous pregnancies, money, bed rest pregnancies, etc)?

Do you ever think the metephorical dangling carrot of "this isn't for you" makes you want it more?

I know I have to question myself about this (in all situations) and make sure I'm wanting what I _WANT_ and not what is appealing because its out of reach for me.

GuitaristsGirl · January 2011

I absolutely get what you're saying! For me, though, no. I have "always" wanted 4 children. What I do have to be careful of, however, is to not hang on to that dream just because it's always been there - I need to be willing to step back and realize a new dream if, perhaps, my family really might feel complete before then.

SeaSoul · January 2011

This doesn't apply to me. I've always only wanted 2 kids.

MBandBud · January 2011

I didn't reply to the post below because as I did I nearly cried, so I just x'd out and moved on. But this prompted me to reply. When we got married we wanted at least 3 kids. Then IF. We have 1. I really want another. I think I originally wanted another because I loved being pregnant, loved the hope of a newborn, etc. I have been left to do some soul searching b/c DH says he is done. This is really hard for me. At first I did wonder if I wanted more simply because it was our original plan, and because I didn't want to feel like IF won. But after much soul searching I do realize that I want more because I really enjoy being a mom and because I always pictured my family as having more than one child. I do think there is a big difference between one and more than one. I'm not sure where our journey is going to lead us and I hate that we are where we are, but alas we are. DH is done b/c he is 44 and I am 39. He doesn't want to be that old upon the kids being out and b/c he is worried about the risk of a child with disabilities. Can I blame him? No, but I can't blame me, either.

jenber77 · January 2011

sommerrayne:

Do you ever think the metephorical dangling carrot of "this isn't for you" makes you want it more?

Yes! I do sort of waffle about having a second child, and I have wondered if I want it more because I can't (easily) have it.

MayDayGirl · January 2011

not for me, I have always wanted 4 or more.

LVBlvd · January 2011

I see what you are saying, but that doesn't apply to me. I could have more, but it just doesn't make sense for us. Even though I know that, have accepted it and am fine with it, it just feels weird to know I'm done.

somethingchangd · January 2011

Quite possibly (and I actually posed that question in my response). We did always say 3 or 4, so I think those are honest desires. But the feeling that I could have 6 and still not feel done - that might be the carrot talking...

hannah&ben · January 2011

Like others, I totally get what you're saying. However, the number of children I would like to have has always been the same. I have 4 younger siblings and in my mind the picture of my family always looked the same (even when I was just a teen)... lots of kids

alchris · January 2011

On many subjects, yes!

On this subject, no. I've always wanted two, and I'm just overjoyed that I can hear one in her bedroom not napping and the other is asleep in my left arm causing me to type one-handed the majority of these last 6 weeks.

However, after going through IF, if we were to get lucky, I'd be shocked and thrilled. Without IF, I would have had a *much* more serious conversation with my midwife at my 6 week appt. this morning, and I'd probably be asking DH to get snipped!

But no, I don't actually want any more...I don't plan on any more. I've been cherishing all of these "lasts" every second that I can.

mrsolsenk12 · January 2011

For me, no it hasn't. DH and I have always been on the same page about wanting 2 or 3 children. When IF came along, we knew that 3 was probably not going to happen due to age and financial costs. We have both decided we would be ok with having 2. Would I necessarily "feel" like I am done, maybe not but I would be ok with it. Just having 1 child is not something I like to even consider, at least not yet.

JillAly · January 2011

Not for me. I've always wanted 2.

IF made me think I might not be able to get to that number but it never made me want more. I mean, if I had to get massages and pedicures to have more kids, then I might crave it but who craves needles, drugs and lying on a table with your legs apart month after month to have a baby?

IF or not, when I get my period now and when I was TTC, I always wondered what that baby would have been like. I think that is probably human nature.

LisaMarisa · January 2011

GuitaristsGirl:
I absolutely get what you're saying! For me, though, no. I have "always" wanted 4 children. What I do have to be careful of, however, is to not hang on to that dream just because it's always been there - I need to be willing to step back and realize a new dream if, perhaps, my family really might feel complete before then.

This exactly. I've always said I wanted 4 kids and I dont want to end up feeling less than complete because we're only going to have 2. Like PP said, I want that to be my new dream not just what I have to settle for.

Magoy · January 2011

No, absolutely not. We always wanted more kids.

I didn't respond to the other post because I can't have more kids and I never really thought about how many I'd have. I just knew I wanted more.

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