Telling people

Re: Telling people

• BritanyV

  January 2011

  I had 2 losses last year.   With the first one, we hardly told anyone, just immediate family that already knew about the pregnancy and a few others.  

   The second one, I wrote a blog about what happened and how I felt and then I posted the link to my blog on facebook for all my friends and family to see.  I was tired of keeping everything inside so I let it all out.  I talked about the 1st miscarriage and then the 2nd miscarriage.

   It really felt good to get it all out.  For everything to be out in the open and not to be hiding in my grief.  

  I hope you can figure out what is best for you.

   ((HUGS))
  

  

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• busterbeagle member

  January 2011

  I couldn't keep my pregnancy a secret from my mom, and she couldn't really keep it a secret at all.  We had a lot of people to untell, but luckily my mom has told just about everyone who knew so I don't have to deal with it.  I had told 3 very close friends who I knew I would want there for support if something went wrong, and so far I have told 2 of them about our loss.  The third is on a business trip right now so I'm waiting until she is home to tell her.

  I'm worried about DH doing his share of untelling.  He has told a lot more friends than I have, but so far he has only shared our loss with his parents and his co-workers.  I'm also concerned that his parents aren't going to spread the news to whoever else in his family knows because they were really insistent about us announcing the pregnancy ourselves.

  For me it has been really helpful to have someone else do the untelling, but it has also been very comforting to have a lot of people know.  There has been so much unexpected support. 

  I think it is really hard to speak the words, but maybe you can have your most sensitive friend help with filling in the other people you want to tell but can't.  I did most of my telling my text/email, and that made it a lot easier.

  I'm so sorry for your loss and hope you figure out what is best for you.

  BFP#1 11-26-10 MMC 1-13-11

  BFP#2 6-8-11 Eleanor Beatrice born 2-15-12
  BFP#3 9-4-13 Benjamin Lee born 4-28-14

  
  

  

  
  

  
  

  
  

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• coreysmomma

  January 2011

  I told only close friends and family when I was pg.  Then I found myself telling more friends/co-workers and my boss.  I'm not sure why I kept it a secret because I ended up telling people anyway.  I can't tell people I'm good when I'm not and if I talk to the person regularly, I told them.

  I did not put it on FB though.  Just my preference.

   Danielle
  

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• MrsMitty08

  January 2011

  No one knew we were pregnant when we miscarried except about 3 coworkers and 1 friend.  We were waiting for "the big reveal" at Christmastime to our families (both sides are out of town and we wanted to do it in person).

  So, when it happened, I sent a text to 1 coworker and asked her to tell the others who knew and the other friend.  I couldn't even speak without crying and the text option was much easier, plus, I was going to be out of work for a couple of days.

  DH and I decided that it would be best and probably comforting if we told our moms (both of our dads have passed away) so we called them and told them...it was hard but we told them that they could tell our siblings but that we didn't want to talk about it when the holidays came around because we wanted to move forward and celebrate the holiday with the family and not dwell on something so sad.

  Since about a month and a half has passed, I have told some other friends/coworkers.  

  Everyone has been very supportive and it was amazing how many had an unfortunate m/c story of their own.  (Turns out both MIL and my Mom had both had one and some of my friends who had never shared it).

  I even told my boss because I was afraid he was going to think I was flaking out because I had taken so many sick days that weren't typical for me.  

  It doesn't come up in every day conversation, and that is the way I prefer it.  It's difficult to talk about and, like you, I rather it just be understood instead of having to talk about it or tell everyone.  This is something that if people want to talk about it behind my back--they can.
  

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