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A thought that might help with those difficult encounters

busterbeaglebusterbeagle member
in Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss

I never saw (or maybe just noticed) so many babies and pregnant women until now!

At first I was scared to go anywhere because I thought I wouldn't be able to emotionally handle those kinds of encounters, either out of jealousy or pure sadness.  But my mom told me something that really helped make it easier to deal with: you don't know those strangers' stories or the pregnancy struggles they may have gone through in the past or be going through right now.  She reminded me of a family friend who lost her baby in her eighth month.  She went through her pregnancy knowing her daughter was going to have severe health problems if she survived, but to a stranger, she just looked like any other pregnant woman.  So many women are affected by loss, and sometimes we don't even know what our own friends and family have been through, let alone strangers.  Reminding myself that the woman I'm envying may have been in my position at some point, maybe more than once, or maybe even right now has really helped me avoid feeling resentful.

I know this might not be helpful or comforting to everyone, and I also realize that some people are very insensitive about flaunting their good fortune, but I just wanted to share this thought because it has been good for me.

BFP#1 11-26-10 MMC 1-13-11
BFP#2 6-8-11 Eleanor Beatrice born 2-15-12
BFP#3 9-4-13 Benjamin Lee born 4-28-14

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Re: A thought that might help with those difficult encounters

  • cyndielisecyndielise
    Everytime I go to target, I see at least a dozen or two pregnant women, it seems, and even more with newborns.  I'd been having a really difficult time with that, and this really does help.  Tell your mom thank you!  Seriously, that's such a comforting thought.
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    Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. -Ephesians 4:29
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  • Laurakat81Laurakat81 member
    imagecyndielise:
    Everytime I go to target, I see at least a dozen or two pregnant women, it seems, and even more with newborns.  I'd been having a really difficult time with that, and this really does help.  Tell your mom thank you!  Seriously, that's such a comforting thought.
    Target is the worst! I have no idea why but it's like a magnet for pregnant women! I wish us baby loss moms could somehow recognize each other, ya know? Like some invisible tattoo only other baby loss moms could see....

    [spoiler] My Blog: Grow Baby Grow

    BFP #1: 12/2009 m/c 1/2010 BFP #2: 6/2010 m/c 8/2010

    BFP #3: 10/2011 ectopic 11/2011 (right tube removed, learned left tube was probably nonfunctional due to scar tissue from infection after m/c)

    3 failed IUIs, IVF #1: 18R, 12M, 10F, 3 poor quality 5d embryos transferred= BFP #4!!!!!

    Betas: 9dp5dt: 64 ~14dp5dt: 91 (expecting miscarriage, doubling time of 236 hours) ~16dp5dt: 200~18dp5dt: 500

    First Ultrasound at 6w2d revealed two sacs, only one with a heartbeat

    LK arrived after 42 weeks on August 14, 2013! Beautiful, healthy, and happy!

    TTC#2: IVF booked for April 2015

    Surprise BFP#5 February 19, 2015 EDD: November 2, 2015

    Betas: 10dpo: 10, 14dpo: 77, 17dpo: 270

    First Ultrasound at 5w1d showed a miracle UTE baby! And right ovary ovulation to left fallopian tube.

    JD arrived at 38 weeks on October 20, 2015.

    TTC #3: Since October 2017. BFP #6 July 2, 2018 EDD: March 16, 2019 [/spoiler]


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  • MegMeg0913MegMeg0913 member
    I never thought of it that way.  Thanks for the thoughts on the subject!  This will be my new mantra when I go out!
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  • Froggy76Froggy76 member
    I have been telling myself this lately.  So many women in my office are pregnant.  However, I haven't told anyone at work about my loss, so how do I know that those women didn't also have losses before this pregnancy?  I'm sure some of them did.
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  • AnglWngzCTAnglWngzCT
    Thank you for sharing! I too never thought of it that way.
    Lisa~ Married to Matt PCOS~ 2010, MTHFR & Factor V Leiden 10/2011 Loving Mother to 3 children and 13 angels in Heaven Baby #4 EDD 6/17/12~Became an angel 10/18/11 @ 6 weeks Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers My little one You have left us too soon Though my body can no longer hold you I hold you forever in my heart As precious and beautiful as this flower caught in time A mother's love does not forget
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