- Pregnancy
- Baby & Toddler
- Parents
- Getting Pregnant
- Baby Names
- Product Reviews
-
Registry
- Community
-
More
Want a personalized experience?
Download the free app
Attachment Parenting
lpstl
member
Dealing with someone else's out of control kids
lpstl
member
This isn't really AP related, but I always get great advice here, so I thought I'd give it a shot. I'm shamelessly XPing this from 9-12:
So, I need some suggestions here. With all the 1st bday posts I've started to think about X's party.
It won't be too big, mostly family, but I know we are obligated to invite H's brother and sister and their respective kids. BIL & SIL are trainwrecks, and at family functions they pretty much ignore their kids (ages 5, 5, & 3) and let them do whatever. The 3 year old is a sweetie, but the 5 year olds are out of control. At family functions they typically run full speed throughout the house screaming and throwing things until one of their parents finally notices (after someone is hurt or something is broken), then they are basically pitched into the backyard alone until it's time to eat or leave.
If you tell them to stop running, hitting, throwing things, or yelling, they don't listen. Unless something is broken or someone is hurt, BIL and SIL just respond to any alerts from the other adults by saying "oh, they're fine". Yeah. Fun.
How do I deal with this at X's bday? There are going to be a couple other babies there, so safety is a concern, plus I'd like to actually enjoy his first bday instead of monitoring someone else's kids. Oh, and yes, H has talked to BIL and SIL, and it doesn't do any good.
Ideas?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Dealing with someone else's out of control kids
I think I would organize activities just for them. You might also designate a play room for the day that has limited breakables.
I would also keep the party short. Or plan it during a time when you know they wouldn't be able to attend.
At the risk of sounding like a ***: "My house, my rules." The end. Id their parents are ignoring them, take it upon yourself to stick them in time-out (or whatever) if they are endangering the other kids. I would lay it down for the parents, too: there is a way children are allowed to behave in your house, and throwing things around babies will not fly.
And then, yes, have some age-appropriate activities to distract the older ones.
good luck!
::comes out of lurking::
DH and I recently had a discussion sort of about this. I couldn't believe the way some of the kids at his family Christmas celebration behaved. And even though I said things like "Sue, that's not your present." (in an effort to get her to only open her presents, or have the parents step in) it did no good. I told DH that I don't plan on letting J. act like that regardless of whether or not all of his cousins are (it was a moot point this year, as J. is only 5 months).
Anyway, DH and I agreed about what we would expect from J. in the future. And we agreed that "our house, our rules" as suggested by pp. DH is totally fine with me sending other people's kids to a different room (i.e. like a time out) if we are at home and the kids are breaking our rules. Obviously, we'd try to get the parents to deal with misbehavior. But if they won't step up...our house, our rules!
I agree with PPs... Our house, our rules. And the age appropriate activity.
Instead of just saying something like "SIL, your kid is running around" and have them say "Oh, he's fine" I tend to go one step further. "SIL, Your kid is running around crazily. I'm afraid he's going to hurt the other kids. You can either get him to stop, or I'm going to make him sit down on the couch until he can calm down. I would prefer you take care of it." I have no patience with poor parenting, and I don't want other kids getting hurt. I've pissed friends off in the past by "disciplining" their kids, but it was usually at the risk of my DD. And sorry, that isn't going to fly.
I'm sorry you have so much stress around a happy occasion!
Thank you everyone, I knew the AP board would come to my rescue
. I think "my house, my rules" is perfect, I guess I hadn't figured it out earlier because I'm afraid of overstepping my bounds. But, you are all absolutely right. It's my house, my guests, and as the host I'm responsible for making sure they have a good time in a safe environment.
I think I'm going to memorize this, and pull it out when they start to act up: