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Excerpt from a book... made me cry

soveryexcitedsoveryexcited member
in Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss

(Warning: DC's pics at bottom)

 

I suffered a miscarriage with my first pregnancy and I can honestly say that nothing has ever devastated me as much as that miscarriage. I am reading a memoir right now called 'Baby Catcher' about a midwife and this part stood out for me.

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 Colin, my twelve year old son, discovered me late one rainy afternoon sitting at the kitchen table, a damp Kleenex crumpled in my left hand, wiping my eyes as I tried to compose myself for his sake. It was the third week of January, two months after I'd miscarried a pregnancy, but I still found it impossible to get through the day without at least one meltdown to misery.

Colin asked, "Are you crying about the baby?" and when I nodded tearfully he said, "Well, you just have to have another one, Mom, because it's a Spirit Baby, and you should be its mother."

I must have looked puzzled because he said, "Don't you know about Spirit Babies? How could I know about them if you don't? I mean, you're my mom!" But he could see my perplexity.

So my first child, this not-yet-teenaged boy pulled a wooden chair to my side and draped his thin arm across my shoulders, saying, "Well, Mom, here's how it is. See, I was one myself, so that must be how I know. Anyway, every woman has a circle of babies that goes around and around above her head, and those are all the possible babies she could have in her whole life. Every month, one of those babies is first in line. If she doesn't get pregnant, the baby goes back into the circle and keeps going around with all the others. If she gets pregnant but something bad happens before the baby's born... now listen, Mom, because here's the really cool part. It goes back into the circle, but it becomes a Spirit Baby, and all the other babies give it cuts. Each month, it's always first in line. Isn't that great?"

"So you just have to get pregnant again, and you'll have the same Spirit Baby. If you don't though, then the baby circle will just beam that little Spirit Baby over to some other woman's circle, and it'll be the first in line for her. It keeps being first in line somewhere until it finally gets born."

"But it'd be a shame for you not to have it yourself, because I know how much you want it. So you just have to try again. Mom, remember the baby you lost before I was born?" I nodded wordlessly. "Well, that was me. Really. I've always known I was a Spirit Baby. I mean, I know what I'm talking about here Mom."

 

----

 

The chapter goes on to tell how the mom does get pregnant again. :-) But this part really spoke to me. It made me laugh, and it made me cry. So all of us mothers who have lost a baby to miscarriage or still birth- your spirit baby is still waiting and its first in line. :-)

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Re: Excerpt from a book... made me cry

  • busterbeaglebusterbeagle member
    This is so so so so comforting after a day where I told DH I was literally inconsolable.  Thank you so much for sharing, it sounds like a wonderful book.
    BFP#1 11-26-10 MMC 1-13-11
    BFP#2 6-8-11 Eleanor Beatrice born 2-15-12
    BFP#3 9-4-13 Benjamin Lee born 4-28-14

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  • Manderlin923Manderlin923 member

    (DS pic/ticker below)

    That was sweet. I'm a big believer in reincarnation and it sort of ties into that, I think. Thanks for sharing :)

     

    image
    Loss #1 2008, Loss #2 2010, Loss #3 2011, Loss #4 2012, Loss #5 2012
    Loss #6 2014 Loss #7 (chemical) 2014

    ~DS Born! 2009~
    ~DD Born! 2013~
    ~DD due! 2015~





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  • ciclon01ciclon01
    Wow, thanks for posting that.  I have been overwhelmed with the feeling that I just want my son and how noone understands that having another child doesn't replace the one you lost and how even if I had 20 children I would always want/miss/long for Mateo.  This post gave me hope that maybe he will come back to me in this life.
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  • althardt624althardt624 member
    Incredible.  Thank you so much for sharing that.  Like the other ladies, I too feel sad to think that I'll never get a chance to meet the baby I lost.  I like to believe this is how it works, so whenever I'm having a really hard day, I'll try to remember this story.  Thank you so much.
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  • taurus424taurus424 member
    thank you. feeling awful today. cried from the minute i opened my eyes this morning.
    DC:#1 10/2006 born at 40 weeks (33 weeks PTL)
    DC#2 born silent at 22 weeks 1.11.11
    Dc#3 born vbac 1/2012 <bra DC#4 born VBAC 3/2014
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  • missy418missy418
    Thanks for sharing. 
    Happily Married 7-16-2010 Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers Pregnancy Ticker
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  • angelicalopez29angelicalopez29
    My ex DH, told me when I got pregnant the second time, that I was having the same baby I lost in the beginning.... He never seemed to grieve a lot about my first miscarriage, but hearing him say that, made me feel, he grieved on his own.....
    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers Lilypie Premature Baby tickers
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