Keeping it a Secret?

lindsayandwillis · January 2011

If you are one of those couples who are keeping the name a secret... how do you respond when someone says, "oh, do you have a name yet?" you say yes and they say "What is it?"... then you respond ______...

anna7602 · January 2011

We just said we weren't telling anyone. People at the office made a fun game out of it and made some kind of betting pool on the name (no one won). Our families were much more upset we weren't finding out whether we were having a girl or a boy to pursue the name thing much.

COMomma81 · January 2011

We did this with our first... I'd just say "we're keeping it to ourselves until he's born". Most people were totally cool with that. Our families were the only ones that were a little put-off by it, but they got over it.

BlueRidge8 · January 2011

We said "we're keeping it a secret until the hospital...in case we change our mind"

We did share the initials and got some awesome monogrammed gifts.

I have a great video of Dh going out to the waiting room to share that Adair Carol was born -exciting for everyone because she was here and that was the first time they heard the name.

COMomma81 · January 2011

We did this with our first... I'd just say "we're keeping it to ourselves until he's born".Most people were totally cool with that. Our families were the only ones that were a little put-off by it, but they got over it.

IU_baby · January 2011

We just say we haven't finally decided. If they press for the final options, we just say that we'd rather wait until she's here to let everyone know her name.

EastCoastBride · January 2011

If you don't want people to pester you, just say that you haven't decided yet.

anna7602 · January 2011

BlueRidge8:

I have a great video of Dh going out to the waiting room to share that Adair Carol was born -exciting for everyone because she was here and that was the first time they heard the name.

I also think it's pretty exciting for everyone to hear the name for the first time when the baby is actually born. So if you're getting a lot of pressure to spill the name, act like you're being secretive for their sake. "Won't it be more exciting when you hear the name for the first time when you get to meet LO?" or something like that.

Nanna · January 2011

We don't say yes. We say "we haven't decided yet, and won't until she is born." If they ask the names we're considering, we say "Sorry, we aren't sharing."

mlf625 · January 2011

"You'll find out when he/she is born! We're keeping that to ourselves."

AJplusKev · January 2011

We said we weren't sharing, and sometimes I'd be a jokester and give the baby a silly name or say, it's not going to be named _____, ______, or ______.

nikipau144 · January 2011

Our family and friends knew that we were keeping it a secret until she was born. As for random people who asked, we just said that we had not decided just yet. Worked just fine.

SailorGray · January 2011

We were honest and said that we didn't want other people's opinions to make us want to change our minds. I know that we wouldn't have to pick a new name, but if your Mom makes a face when you say what you plan on naming your child, you start to think twice. My fam knows how they are, so they seemed okay with us not telling. They did try and guess A LOT, but it was funny. They were so off.

We also said that since we found out we were having a boy, we wanted something to be able to surprise everyone with and that would be his name.

ubermoose · January 2011

After they ask if you have a name, I would probably respond with something polite but dismissive like, "we've got a few names in mind, but we'd like to meet the little person before we make our final choice."

Even if it isn't entirely true, it sounds a lot less smug than all the "we know, but we're not telling" variants. It also gives you a little wiggle room in case you are pretty but not 100% sure.

In the interest of full disclosure, though, I am a big proponent of telling people (or at least those close to you) for the following reasons.

It gives people the chance to recognize the baby as a little person before it is born. I always loved hearing throughout my pregnancy "How's little Molly doing?"--it sounds so much more personalized than "the baby."
It gives nay-sayers the chance to get used to the name a bit more. True, some people are going to be turds no matter how nice the name is or how you tell them. For some names, though, it's easier for people to deal with the gradual realization of "okay, they are naming their baby X, NMS, but whatever" instead of "OMG, they named their baby X!"
Some feedback really is worth having! I know, I know--it's your kid and ultimately your choice. Still, there is some really great input to be had out there, and tapping into it can make you feel more confident about your choice (and in some cases, point out things that you may have never noticed or considered).
When it is time for the big reveal, sometimes you'll be met with "All that fuss over X? Really?" from those you've withheld the "perfect name" from all these months. A former coworker made a big deal about how her and her husband weren't telling anybody, and I think the name turned out to be Carter James. Decent enough name (I'm not hating!), but not the juicy, exciting, top-secret name they made it out to be.
I know it seems like the ultimate surprise, but really, new people are full of surprises in general. There's plenty of surprises to go around, between all those little details of what the baby looks like, when the baby will be born, etc.

PunkyBooster · January 2011

"we haven't even talked about it."

"We haven't decided."

"It will be a surprise, you'll find out when the baby is born."

Honestly, no one really harrassed us about it.

anna7602 · January 2011

ubermoose:

In the interest of full disclosure, though, I am a big proponent of telling people (or at least those close to you) for the following reasons.

It gives people the chance to recognize the baby as a little person before it is born. I always loved hearing throughout my pregnancy "How's little Molly doing?"--it sounds so much more personalized than "the baby."

When it is time for the big reveal, sometimes you'll be met with "All that fuss over X? Really?" from those you've withheld the "perfect name" from all these months. A former coworker made a big deal about how her and her husband weren't telling anybody, and I think the name turned out to be Carter James. Decent enough name (I'm not hating!), but not the juicy, exciting, top-secret name they made it out to be.

To each their own, I say. We referred to our baby throughout the pregnancy as "Baby K" (K stands for something specific) and our friends and family were happy to go along with that and inquire about Baby K. Not knowing the name does not equal not thinking of the baby as a person and I truly feel bad for the woman whose family refuses to acknowledge the growing being inside of her just because they don't know the name (or the sex).

As for the "all that fuss" point, who cares? The fuss was most likely made by the people who were dying to know, not by the parents to be.

I'm not trying to pick on anyone who revealed their name before the baby was born, but the OP's question was "what did you say," not "should I tell people the name or not?"

luckyluvr · January 2011

We're just going to tell people we haven't really decided yet and give them a top 3 or 4. DH and I decided that they will have to wait until I am out of recovery and in my room so I get to tell everyone. We were team green with DS and DH got to make the announcement. With DD, there were no surprises, so since this is our last DC, it's my turn to give the exciting news. I'm way excited about it, but it's going to drive my mother bonkers. She's already started in on me about it.

IrishBrideND · January 2011

We just said that we were still narrowing it down.

Its not that its juicy enough to be top secret. Its simply about not wanting input from others. People feel the need to make negative comments about the name no matter what it is. They are less likely to do so after the baby is born and has been given the name because they know they won't change your mind. And for some reason its universally rude to make fun of someone's actual name but not before they are born.

We did end up telling around 30 weeks (we had it picked out at her 20 week u/s) but I completely understand not telling. I'm not sure why other people need to be able to "recognize the baby as a little human before its born." Who cares if they see the fetus as a future little human or not? They will when they meet it.

mrs.amandamm · January 2011

I just said it was a secret.

Mrs.LM625 · January 2011

Nanna:
We don't say yes. We say "we haven't decided yet, and won't until she is born." If they ask the names we're considering, we say "Sorry, we aren't sharing."

This is exactly what we did, and the only problem we had was with a cashier at Lowe's. We told her we weren't sharing and she said "but tell me what's on your list" and "You don't even know me, why won't you tell me". I was pretty annoyed but whatever. Our families were respectful and were really excited when MH came out to tell them our daughter was born and her name. It was a great moment for him.

MrsW801 · January 2011

Before I was born my parents told everyone who asked that my name would be Olga Sue (it isn't, and never would have been). But they figured that way no matter what my real name was everyone would be relieved!

jenreally · January 2011

We say we haven't decided on a name yet. And then we give them a few suggestions of names we know we're not using, so they are appeased.

ikissedthecook · January 2011

I usually tell them that it will be named Fido or Fluffy, depending on whether its a boy or a girl. Most people laugh and drop it, but for the few people who presist, like close family, I tell them that it's going to be a surprise. I continue to tell them, "Since I'm not surprising you all with the gender at birth, I figure at least I can leave you with the surprise of the name!" If you make it sound like you are doing them a service, not an inconvenience, most people are more accepting of the idea.

waterfly · January 2011

Our standby is "We're still discussing it"(technically true, every so often one of us will double-check with the other on the name we're currently planning to use, or mention something else we thought of regarding it). Harder to get around is when family(mostly my sister and one of my brothers) have asked what names we're "considering" rather than if we have a final one yet. My sister actually brought this up again recently, and I said we were keeping mum "in case we change our minds when she's here" and that since we'd already gone and told them on the boy/girl thing, we wanted to keep the name bit as a "just us" thing for now. Turns out she was mostly just wanting to make sure we weren't planning to name the baby after her, or giving the baby a "boy name"(as an Aubrey born 15 years before it "went girl," she's had some interesting experiences).

We told both sides of the family over the holidays that we had the "perfect unisex name picked out" and that the name we had talked most about was "Jyk'zYn"(pronounced like Jackson). Everyone got a good laugh, and it turned the conversation to horrible naming trends in general and away from what OUR baby's name would be. They know we have better taste than that, and the baby's actual name will seem great by comparison, even if it's not to everyone's exact taste.

crowbar · January 2011

We didn't find out if it was a boy or a girl in advance, and we also didn't share any potential names either. Much to my family's horror. Most people were pretty cool with us saying "we haven't decided yet, we are going to wait for the hospital to meet him or her". Except for my family, who kept asking what names were on our list. Every time I talked to them. They were very annoying and really didn't respect that we didn't want to share. We never did, and I bet a couple of them wouldn't have liked our choice, but too bad for them.

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