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Is it normal to feel this way sometimes? :(

J&JSuiter070205J&JSuiter070205 member
in Parenting
I suppose this could be flame worthy, but I'm in need of some honest opinions from fellow moms.  I have two wonderful children and a wonderful husband, but (as expected) my husband and I's relationship has slowly gone downhill since having children. We try to do date nights and have even taken a few short vacations by ourselves, but it just doesn't feel the same anymore. We've talked about it, and he said he still feels the same as he always has about me, but he mentioned he felt I might be a little resentful of our kids because of the way it's effecting his and I's relationship. I think he might be right. BUt this is not something I ever hear people talk about and I don't know what to do and how to change my way of thinking.
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Brayden (5 1/2) born 12.28.06
Hailey (4 1/2) born 2.25.08
Taylor (8 Months) born 12.26.11
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Re: Is it normal to feel this way sometimes? :(

  • MelandJeffMelandJeff

    I do think it is normal, and I think it will pass. Your kids are still young, once they get just a bit older, you will see a world of difference.

    You are doing all of the right things, especially talking about it.

    Hang in there, it will get better!

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  • justEKjustEK member

    I would say normal. At least I felt that way before.

    Do you work? Have a hobby? 

    Do you make time in the evenings for you and your DH?


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  • monkeyqueenmonkeyqueen

    It will completely pass.   

    I was feeling fairly resentful of my position in our family and quite honestly, I needed a break.

    DH and I went one an incredibly short holiday to a neighbouring city, stayed in an expensive hotel, drank expensive wine, and pretty much "lounge" hopped.  But, most importantly, we talked.   We talked about everything.  I asked him the questions I've wanted answers to and he answered.

    Did it completely change my feelings?  No, but it was a step.   I love my kids, but sometimes I just feel stuck.  So, I'm doing my best to love them in the moment and love my husband in the moment.    Each day is getting better.   I feel like I'm rediscovering my love for my husband.     Relationships are a lot of work to maintain.   Your feelings are normal!   GL!

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  • SumnerBrideSumnerBride
    Normal.  At least, it is for me.  My kids are about the same ages as yours too.  Although, I find myself being more resentful at the H these days.
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  • knmommyknmommy
    wow, I could have totally written this tonight!  Normal.
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  • gracendantho26gracendantho26 member
    Normal. We had moments in our marriage like that when the kids were your kids ages. But now at 7 and nearly 6 it's all come back around and things are much better. We crawled out of the hole of toddler and babydome and came out better because now we have been through so much and made it through it all together. Hang in there and make time daily for eachother.
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  • SLPgirlSLPgirl
    yes- totally normal. Marriage has highs and lows, valleys and mountains. Make sure you are taking time for yourself and taking time to connect with your husband. Investing in your marriage is one of the best things you can do for your kids. Good luck- I think we all feel this way sometimes!
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  • Baby4OTBaby4OT member
    Seems to be normal, but it still sucks. I don't know about you, but I feel really guilty that my DH says he feels the same and is content with things, but I feel like our relationship isn't great and I don't feel the same towards him that I used to. I do know that I end up resenting him a lot for basically doing things more easily. Like he can just stop on his way home from work to get a haircut or go to the store for a quick couple of things or he can make a dentist appt for whenever it's convenient for his work schedule. Me? I have to work around the kids schedules (preschool, naps, etc), DH's schedule (for anything that I can't take the kids with me), and nothing is a quick trip when you have two kids. I just don't think he gets it. We also have really different sleep schedules in that mine it pretty normal and his is pretty f'ed up all the time. I get mad at him for that, but it never changes. Here and there we have glimmers of what used to be, so I know it's in there somewhere, but I feel like it's hard to talk about it or work at getting it back when DH doesn't think there's a problem! Anyway, you aren't alone. Check out the blog Project Happily Ever After - written by a woman who is now in a good place in her marriage, but didn't used to be.
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  • tifvolleytifvolley member

    Totally normal.  DH and I have had the same conversation right down to him saying his feelings are still the same.  I think this has to do with the ways men and women parent differently.  Even if your DH is extremely involved, we as mothers tend to take on more.  I know I always put the kids first whereas DH makes sure he takes time to himself, etc.  I end up feeling resentful and sometimes will act like a martyr, which never bodes well.

    Parenting young kids is very trying.  I know I'm running on no sleep and constantly have a kid hanging on me.  The last thing I want is DH touching me at the end of the day.  We both agreed on three kids, but I told him I don't think our marriage can handle it.  I'm sprinting towards the light at the end of the tunnel where there are no more diapers, breastfeeding, and kids constantly sleeping on me.

    Talking with your DH about this is the best thing you can do.  Date nights and short vacations are a great way to reconnect, but I agree they're not the complete solution.  You still have to worry about making it home at a certain time and if the kids are ok, but I think that's just a part of our lives now.  

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  • adri77adri77 member
    I live in the Philly suburbs, and there was a big article in the Philadelphia magazine about this a few months ago, but you are right.....not many people talk about it but I think lots of us go through it and it is normal.  I have heard it may feel like this until your youngest is 5.  After that, they are a bit more self sufficient, making it easier to focus on eachother.  You just have to weather this storm, keep plugging away and carving out some time for eachother, make sure you are talking to eachother about how you are feeling, your worries etc.  I have to believe too, that things will get a bit easier!  You are not alone!
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  • JenninMAJenninMA member
    We love each other but we desperately miss the time we used to have to do things together that we enjoy. Before kids our weekends were spent outdoors- hiking, rock climbing, skiing etc. Then we'd eat out, have drinks, hop into bed whenever we felt like it and snuggle in the morning. Now we get up at 4am and deal with the kids all day- we spent all of this past Sunday in the ER with DS. It ain't easy.
    Nadia Irene 8/13/07 Reid Owen 8/18/09
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