Parenting etiquette question

neverblushed · December 2010

You invite your child's best friend to come along on a day trip to a museum. You will have the guest child with you for lunch and possibly dinner. When you arrive to pick up the guest child, the guest's mom offers you money to cover or defray the cost of the child's meals. Do you take the money?

littlemermaid · December 2010

I wouldn't accept the money only because I was the one who extended the invitation for the friend's child to come along. I would feel that it is my responsiblity to pay that child's way for the whole time she is with us.

MrsSR · December 2010

I wouldn't take the money. You invited the kid, you are responsible for feeding the kid.

neverblushed · December 2010

littlemermaid:
I wouldn't accept the money only because I was the one who extended the invitation for the friend's child to come along. I would feel that it is my responsiblity to pay that child's way for the whole time she is with us.

Okay. Me too. In this situation, I'm the guest child's mom. My DD was invited on an outing with her best friend's family. I gave DD some money for the museum gift shop and offered the mom $20 towards food (which is about double what my kid would eat, even at a sit-down restaurant.) I was kind of surprised when the mom took the money.

When I invite another kid on an outing with us, I always assume I'll be paying for everything for the guest child, just as I would for my own children. I have been offered $ in similar situations, but I've never accepted.

mhwood · December 2010

I've been in this situation, I don't take the money and instead I suggest to the other parent to maybe offer some of it to the child to buy a souvenir or a small treat for themselves.

neverblushed · December 2010

@ mhwood: I gave my DD souvenir money in addition to the money I offered the mom for food, but I like your idea.

UPDATE:

When my DD got home last night, she gave me back $3 from the souvenir money I'd given her and said that her friend's mom put the $20 I gave her toward museum admission and lunch.

So, all in all, it cost me nearly $35 for my child to accompany another kid to a museum. Fortunately, my DD reported that it was the "Best Day Ever, Mom!" So I guess it was worth it?

Surfinbride · December 2010

Whenever I take one of my daughter's friends, we pay for it. The traditional way is that the person extending an invitation is responsible for everything, including the expense. However, these days, I can see how that might be adjusted. Our friends are pretty diverse... some who have tighter budgets. If my daughter is invited somewhere, I send her with enough money to cover all expenses. She has a tiny ID badge wallet (can go around her neck or in a pocket). I show it to the hosting parent. I tell them that she has her ID with our phone numbers in case of an emergency. I also tell them that we are teaching her about money. I let them know that she has X amount. So far, it has been interesting. I think most parents cover the cost of everything. Some have used it and put the reciepts back in the wallet, which I thought was nice. I've seen a little of everything in between. The funniest was when I sent my daughter with $ to get a bicycle helmet. The hosting parent was taking the kids to an event at the fire department... which included fitting and getting a helmet. They ended up skipping it. My daughter came home with all kinds of silly things - itsy bitsy erasers in the shapes of animals, weird candy and a giant lollipop. They went to a toy store instead.

In your situation, $35 for the Best Day Ever is cheaper than a babysitter.

Proper etiquette = host pays

Modern sense = different people have different plans

ValAndRyan · January 2011

My rule of thumb for whatever invitation is that I will pay for food (and admission). If they kid wants something else (like souvenirs, play games, etc.), they are to bring their own money. This works for all trips. I always offer money as well when my son is invited anywhere on a trip and always make sure he brings some spending money.

J&A2008 · January 2011

Nope. The child is your invited guest.

If a mom asked me to take her kids for the day as a favor and offered money for outings, it would be okay.

J&A2008 · January 2011

I just read your responses.

I think it's dumb that you're questioning whether it was okay for her to take the money when you're the one who offered it!

J+R · January 2011

I wouldn't take the money if I was the one that was inviting the child. What I would do is probably tell the other mom that she can give the $$ to her daughter for spending money if she'd like, but no - I wouldn't take the money.

Want a personalized experience?

Parenting etiquette question

Re: Parenting etiquette question

Choose Another Board

Search Boards