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Parenting after infertility

Soon2beMrs.SivertSoon2beMrs.Sivert
in Success after IF

I'm not on much these days. I still check in to see how everyone is doing but I no longer of my "me" time otherwise known as my pump time. 

Tonight I was thinking. Did infertility shape who I am as a parent? Am I somehow different because of it? Sure, I know it has left a permanent mark on me as a person as I am sure it has many people.

I am one of those crunchy mamas, mostly anyhow. We did the whole cloth diapering breastfeeding babywearing co-sleeping parenting and still do much of that. Actually, I think most of that would have been in my nature anyways but certainly not all of it. But on top of all of that I'm sometimes, ok most times, over the top cautious about people bringing illness around my children. I can't help but wonder if I wouldn't have been so anal, for lack of a better word, about this had I not gone through infertility. Perhaps it was always in my nature. But I certainly think I have an unreasonable expectation that my daughters just won't get sick.

So, I am wondering. Has it changed who you thought you'd be as a parent? Is there anything you never would have imagined you'd do?  

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Re: Parenting after infertility

  • *Willis**Willis*

    I can't decide if I think infertility has made me more patient as a mother or if it just comes with age.  There are times when C is moving, throwing things, getting in to stuff and I just kind of laugh.  I waited so long for it, a lot of times I can't even get riled up.  Plus, he looks so cute doing it :).

    Either way, I'm definitely way more laid back than I ever imagined. 

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  • Soon2beMrs.SivertSoon2beMrs.Sivert
    I have to agree. It is hard not to smile when they are so cute. :)
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  • newsbabynewsbaby

    It most definitely shaped who I am. Had I not dealt with IF, I probably would have gone back to work, probably would complain when they cry and not let me sleep, etc. 

     I feel like I am not just any parent - the road that IF has led me on makes me a different person overall.

    TTC since 8/07 DX - Severe MFI/azoospermia & MTHFR/ TESEs found sperm - 7/08 & 6/09/ 12/08 - IVF#1 - BFN/ 6/09 - IVF #2 - cancelled due to OHSS risk (had retrieval)/ 7/09 - FET #1 - BFN/ 9/09 - FET #2 - BFN/ 11/09 - IVF #3 with new RE cancelled twice - 10/09 & 11/09/ 1/10 - IVF #3 take 3 - BFN/ 4/10 - IVF #4 - first ever BFP on 5/13/10!!! 108 @ 10dp3dt/ 2nd beta 311!/ sono on 5/28/10 said TWINS!!!! Lilypie Second Birthday tickers
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  • CassianCassian
    imageSoon2beMrs.Sivert:

    I am one of those crunchy mamas, mostly anyhow. We did the whole cloth diapering breastfeeding babywearing co-sleeping parenting and still do much of that. Actually, I think most of that would have been in my nature anyways but certainly not all of it.

    This is me too. All of these things are my nature to begin with, as I planned on most of it before we were even trying to have children, but on top of all of that, I think patience, gratitude, and awareness of every single moment that I am lucky enough to have with her have come born from IF. So many mothers out there take their children for granted, and that would never happen to me.

    I have this irrational fear of someone stealing her from me, or (we don't live in a bad area, but not the best) being robbed or carjacked when DD is with me, so I don't go on walks or get out much and it has turned me into quite the homebody, but I can't tell if that is from IF, or not. All my life I have had this horrible fear of loss though so I think that must just be me.

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  • desabeandesabean member
    I sometimes think that because of how hard I had to work to get here that I honestly do appreciate being a mom and my baby more than if I hadn't.  That is about me- not at all saying I appreciate her more than fertile mom's appreciate their kids.  I may have taken the opportunity more for granted had I gotten ku after drinking a few beers one night.
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  • EastCoastBrideEastCoastBride member
    imagedesabean:
    I sometimes think that because of how hard I had to work to get here that I honestly do appreciate being a mom and my baby more than if I hadn't.  That is about me- not at all saying I appreciate her more than fertile mom's appreciate their kids.  I may have taken the opportunity more for granted had I gotten ku after drinking a few beers one night.
    This.  I can't speak for anyone but myself, but I know I look at my son and think "wow- we almost didn't have you.".  To know the path we took to get him, how long and hard and costly it was - I just really try to take nothing for granted w/ him.  We're beyond lucky to have him and I appreciate it in a way that I know I wouldn't if we didn't go down the IF path. 
    "Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
    ~Benjamin Franklin

    Lilypie Third Birthday tickers
    DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10

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  • MouseygailMouseygail member
    imageEastCoastBride:
    imagedesabean:
    I sometimes think that because of how hard I had to work to get here that I honestly do appreciate being a mom and my baby more than if I hadn't.  That is about me- not at all saying I appreciate her more than fertile mom's appreciate their kids.  I may have taken the opportunity more for granted had I gotten ku after drinking a few beers one night.
    This.  I can't speak for anyone but myself, but I know I look at my son and think "wow- we almost didn't have you.".  To know the path we took to get him, how long and hard and costly it was - I just really try to take nothing for granted w/ him.  We're beyond lucky to have him and I appreciate it in a way that I know I wouldn't if we didn't go down the IF path. 
      and i'm teary..i'm going to ditto both of you...and add that I am way more crunchy than I would have thought I would be...again, not sure if its because of IF directly...it may just be because I had so much longer to research things and think about them..lol!
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  • Soon2beMrs.SivertSoon2beMrs.Sivert

    I am ever so thankful to have our ladies. And I try to be very patient and understanding. I get so short with people who make comments that would "imply" they don't know the gift they've been given. I know everyone has bad days, and that there are times that people say and do things they shouldn't or don't really mean but it is very hard to bite my tongue. 

    My SIL told my husband one day she hated parenting. This was while we were going through treatments and he told her that while he was sure she didn't mean it he never wanted to hear that from her again.

     

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