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susanmosley
member
Speaking of Birthday Parties...
susanmosley
member
I was talking to a mom of a kid I work with about his birthday party plans. His birthday is a few days after Christmas, so they typically have his parties in January or February to keep it separate from the holiday rigamarole/people traveling. He turned 9.
To the point. She was saying that these days there isn't only the pressure of having an over the top awesome party (like at a great event or venue) to impress/keep up with the other parents, but that the kids are now judgmental. And if the party isn't something new, different, and awesome, the peers are bummed and will express to the host/birthday child (and whoever else will listen) their disapproval with the party events/theme/activity, and even hold it against him, altering his place in the social/popularity ladder.
Especially those with older kids or those who are close to older kids, do you see/feel this? The whole conversation was depressing as hell to me and makes me pull in the polar opposite direction even more, as if my measly self can make any significant change.
Growing up, all of my birthday parties were at my house. And they were all awesome and fun for everyone. Whatever happened to playing in the yard with friends, or doing a special birthday craft with your besties, or having a sleep over with popcorn and candy? If this woman isn't in the minority with her thinking, it is so frustrating to me that we are teaching our kids that the only way to happiness is a quest for bigger and better. Drives me crazy.
Thoughts?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Speaking of Birthday Parties...
I agree with this mom. The school I worked at had to ban limos to pick children up on their birthdays due to the craziness it would cause after school. Parents also had to be banned from dropping off huge bouquets of flowers and/or balloons because it was a HUGE distraction in the classroom. Now they drop off their favorite lunch from their favorite restaurant. It definitely effects how other students view the birthday child.
I would be invited to students' parties and would go out of curiosity. It was crazy. I didn't get to go but the most elaborate party was a parent renting a bus and taking the whole class plus parents to a Giants (MLB) game.
We won't be doing this. I feel like their is much better ways to spend our money.
Eleanor 9.30.13
ugh to all of that. What is wrong with people? How is it not obvious that this isn't good!!!???
Um, I am with you 100%. We have already decided we are *not* doing this. Now, I know there will be pressure to cave, but we're going to fight it. We are surrounded by dolts who do this kind of stuff for their kids. Frankly I think even a jumpy house can be over the top. Whatever happened to cake, ice cream, pin the tail on the donkey, maybe one other game, and presents? And running around like a bunch of crazy banshees.
I think doing these elaborate celebrations for our children sends them the wrong message. Not that I don't think my boys are amazing, wonderful, special, and unique, but frankly... 99.9% of the rest of the world does not. I want them to know they are loved and cared for but they do not need to think they are somehow deserving of so much hoopla for a birthday. John Rosemond just wrote a New Years resolutions column for parents and included one about over-the-top birthday parties. Good stuff.
It is great to know there are other parents out there who think similarly. I wish I knew more in person.
Wow, all I can say is wow. I often worry because the niece and nephews that live close to us are the most privileged on each side and Elliot just won't be. Don't get me wrong, he needs nothing, has more than he needs, but he's certainly not going to be 5 getting an Ipod touch or 10 getting an Ipad. Things like that are all his cousins want and I worry about the influence they will be on Elliot.
We kind of went all out for his first birthday party, although not as all out as some I've seen. I just put a lot of effort into it all because I wanted it to turn out nice. His second will be much smaller since we are moving two days before his birthday.
I am curious what message these "over the top" parties are sending to our kids?
I will freely admit DD's last party was at a tea party princess place and DS's was at chuck-ee-cheese. We also have had bounce houses, and the like so I am one of "those" parents.
Ew! That sucks, but I understand that this is something to be true...which may be why you see sooo much stuff advertised for birthday parties. You can rent the moon bounce, or a princess...I know on my dance message board a lot of the studio owners are hosting birthday parties on Saturday afternoons when they typically don't have classes and teaching the kids a dance and videoing them to make a music video, ect. I do see that the "birthday party market" has grown. I mean, cool - that's fun, if you can afford it. If not, a sleep over should totally suffice.
I remember a bumpie posted not too long ago about her girl possibly having a sleep-over and getting some pizzas and at least one other bumpie totally shot that idea down. Wait! Maybe that was Mom2Toddler...ok, nevermind then - LOL.
Cam 6.6.10 - Autism, Global Developmental Delay, Mixed Receptive/Expressive Communication Disorder
We keep our bday parties simple (no elephants or bouncy things) and have no complaints from any guests. In fact, after the age of 10, the parties stop altogether. They can have some friends over and do whatever they want (we'll order pizza and have cake too). DD#1 actually liked/likes this as did/do her friends.
DD#1~8/17/96------DS~10/24/05
A lot.
) It was a really hard school to work at. The parents were pretty wealthy and felt very entitled. When they would get upset with you they would pull out the "I pay your salary." line. I once had to suspend a kid in my class (I taught 3rd grade) because HIS cell phone went off in class. Some of the junior high kids missed school to pick up their iphones the day they came out. I even had a few kids through the years that had never flown anything but first class.
However I do have to say there were some really amazing parents that are also very wealthy and are raising amazing and very well grounded children.
Eleanor 9.30.13
Hmmm. I didn't say anything about the message it sends to kids - although I certainly have plenty of opinions on that.
What I am bothered by is that parents apparently are feeling the stress of throwing an amazing (and novel) party for their child so that he doesn't get booted from the Cool Club by his peers. You don't see that as weird or odd or unfortunate or sad or effed up in any way?
And regarding the other poster's story of the school having to set regulations as parents were going completely overboard with school celebrations, delivering flowers, etc...I think it is pretty self absorbed to not think ahead and realize why this may not be the best decision. Do whatever you would like in your home or with friends on your own terms, but don't think you are so important that you can interrupt a school program for your single child. In the situation she describes, I think the parents are feeding the problem that I mentioned (as told by the woman I work for) - that social ranks are determined by how extravagant kids parties are.