DH blames himself...

Re: DH blames himself...

• STL34 member

  January 2011

  I am sorry your DH is feeling that way.  I don't really have any suggestions.  I am the reason for our IF.  I have felt the same as your DH.  But, I don't really know how to make someone feel less like that.  For me, I know that I didn't cause my problems, but that knowledge doesn't make them go away.  It doesn't change the fact that if MH had married someone else he would have kids now.  But, MH tells me that he wouldn't want to have kids with someone else.  I think his reassurances help the most.  But truthfully, nothing makes the guilt go away even though I know I didn't cause it.

  That being said, it doesn't really seem like you are at a point that all possible causes have been ruled out.  It is really hard to say that YH's morph is the sole cause of the problem.

  
  
  
  ~SAIF/PAIF/Everyone Welcome~ 
  
  

  Me= 37 and DH = 41 
  
  Dx: DOR, Endo, APA+ (really high beta 2 glycoprotein antibody and high everything else tested), heterozygous MTHFR mutation, positive for lupus anticoagulant, high FSH, low AMH and both tubes blocked (per HSG on 3/8/11)
  
  IVF #1 - long lupron (with HGH, intralipids, lovenox and BA); 4 retrieved, 3 fertilized; ET 2 blasts and 1 frozen = BFN
  
  IVF #2 - a version of antagonist with EPP (with HGH, intralipids, lovenox and BA); 6 retrieved, 4 mature, 3 fertilized, 2 blasts and 1 frozen blast transferred on day 5 = BFN.
  
  IVF #3 April was postponed to May, May was canceled. June/July was canceled. Had a cyst aspiration and then began IVF #3 in August. ER on 8/22; ET on 8/24 with AH. +HPT on 9/5. Beta #1 (11dpo) = 3; Beta #2 (15dpo) = 29; Beta #3 (17dpo) = 60; Beta #4 (19 dpo) = 118. Heartbeat at 6 weeks 6 days =132.  Lil is here!
  

  TTC#2:  Trigger + TI = BFN; Clomid + Trigger + IUI = BFN.

  IVF #4:  BCP + MDLF + Lovenox = 7R, 1F = Transferred 1 6-cell embryo on day 3 = BFN

  IVF #5:  MDLF + Lovenox = 4R, 1F = Transferred 1 10-cell compacting embryo on day 3 = BFN

  IVF #6:  (New RE):  Long Antagonist November 2014 (transferred two 8 cell grade 1 embryos and froze one blast) = BFN
  

  FET#1:  BFN

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• zookbride member

  January 2011

  What STL said. I, too, am the reason we haven't gotten pg. yet. I don't ovulate, or rarely do, and it makes me feel like a failure. Its hard dealing with the fact that your body doesn't do what its supposed to and I'm sure that is how he is feeling.

  I guess the only thing I can tell you be supportive and let him know you still love him no matter what. MH is really good about making sure I know that none of this is my fault, I didn't do anything to make my body not ovulate. Just knowing that he doesn't blame me makes me feel better. 

  Good luck with your upcoming fertility clinic appointments. I hope that they can get the ball rolling for you guys.
  

  New to 3T? Check out this website first:
  TroubleTTC
  
  
  Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end --Semisonic
  
  **TTC since 04/09, C/P 02/02/10; 4 weeks, 3 days**
  **Dx: Anovulation, Hypothryroidism, Mild Endo, Pituitary Adenoma (prolactin issues), PAI-1, MFI **
  
  **7/10: Clomid + TI= BFN**
  **3/2/11: 1st RE appointment**
  **DH= Morph= 2%, Motility= 30%**
  **HSG= All clear!!**
  **3/11: Femara + Pregnyl + TI= BFN**
  **5/17/11: Laparoscopy / hysteroscopy = mild endo**
  **7/11: Novarel + IUI #1= BFN (7mil, 75% motility, 2% morph)**
  **8/11: Femara + Novarel + IUI #2= BFN (11mil, 35% motility, 1% morph)**
  **11/11: Femara + Novarel + IUI #3= BFN (9mil, 2% morph)**
  **Jan 2012: Follistim (75ius) + IUI #4= CANCELLED due to cyst -put on bcp**
  **Feb 2012: Follistim (75ius) + Novarel + IUI #4.2= BFFN (2.5mil, 13% motility, 1% morph)**
  **Mar 2012: Follistim (100ius) + IUI #5= CANCELLED due to 35mm & 14mm cysts**
  **On med break indefinitely...IF Sucks!**

  
  

  **Jan 2013: Follistim (100ius) + IUI #5.2= CANCELLED due to high prolactin level, MRI scheduled, pituitary adenoma found, put on Dostinex**
  

  **Mar 2013: Follistim (100ius) + IUI #5.3= CANCELLED due to uterine polyp, surgery scheduled for polypectomy and D&C**
  

  **03/22/13: Hysteroscopy, polypectomy and D&C**
  

  **May 2013: Finally got to start a cycle!!! Follistim (100ius) + IUI #5.4 = BFFN (6mil, 74% motility, 2% morph)** 
  

  
  

  **Jun 2013: Decide to start IVF**

  IVF w/ICSI #1 (Long Lupron Protocol)

  06/26/13: Start BCPs

  07/02/13: HSG #2= all clear

  07/15/13: Start Lupron 10 ius

  07/25/13: Suppression check

  07/28/13: Start stims (225IUs Follistim + 75IUs Menopur) drop to 5 IUs Lupron

  08/01/13: Monitoring: 12 follicles all about 10mm, E2- 313

  08/04/13: Monitoring: 18 follicles (15mm, 13mm, a few 11mm, rest 10mm or below) E2- 1,505

  Start Augmentin- antibiotic prep

  08/06/13: Monitoring: 13 follicles (18mm, 17mm, rest b/w 15mm-16mm!) Ready to trigger!! E2- 2,248

  08/08/13: ER-- 14R, 13M, 10F 

  08/11/13: One fertilized late, we now have 11 embryos!

  08/13/13: 5dt-- 2 blasts (Sheldon and Penny) 3AA and 3BB, none to freeze

  8/23/13: BFFN... Sheldon and Penny didn't stick**

  
  

  **8/29/13: Follow up... bad fragmentation issues. Changing protocol to Antagonist for round #2 coming soon! Also started on 81mg Aspirin after getting blood panel done and found out I have PAI-1**

  
  

  **Oct 2013: After large cysts, finally starting IVF #2**

  IVF w/ICSI #2 (Antagonist Protocol)

  BCPs started back in Sept due to cysts

  10/27/13: Start stims (225 IUs Gonal-F + 75 IUs Menopur)

  11/03/13 - 11/05/13: Add Ganirelix to the mix

  11/06/13: 3 follicles at 18mm-- Ready to trigger!

  11/08/13: ER-- 17R, 13M, 8F

  11/13/13: 5dt-- 2 blasts (Luke and Leia) 5AB and 4AB, 1 frostie

  11/20/13- 11/23/13: light positives on FRERs and Wondofos

  11/22/13: BFN per RE office (under HCG of 10)

  11/27/13: CP ::sigh::

  
  

  *12/03/13: Follow up...great response and quality this time, was given 50% chance of it working, just didn't stick. Great plan for 2014! 

  
  

  **Jan 2014: Last IVF of our SRP**

  IVF w/ICSI, freeze all, then FET

  12/27/13: Start BCPs

  01/19/14: Stims (375 IUs Gonal-F + 75 IUs Menopur)

  
  Congratulations Cutebride!! --TWINS!! Congratulations, Luvie, on your sweet boy! Congrats, Jess! So happy for you ladies!  
  ~~Also best of luck to Kati, illinigal, and youngin!~~
  
  

  *S/PAIFW*

  
  
  

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• ChicagoWeded2007 member

  January 2011

  It sucks!  Dh and I just learned today about his MFI.  sorry to hear about yours.  I told him I would rather it be my problem.  It's just so hard for him to feel unmanly and it seems like woman-fertility problems are more straightforward... I don't know.  It sucks. 

  
  Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle. -Philo
  
  
  
  Baby N conceived after 1 miscarriage and more than 2 years of TTC. Diagnosis was low sperm count. We found success after 3 months of anastrozole to increase DH's testosterone and one IUI.
  Some charts
  
  
  I'm stupid. You're smart. I was wrong. You were right. You're the best. I'm the worst. You're very good-looking. I'm not attractive. - Happy Gilmore

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• cacklemonsta member

  January 2011

  Thanks guys!

  Yeah I always tell him it's not his fault. That he didn't do anything to make it that way. But I think what really hurts him is when every month it doesn't happen and he sees me so upset. He feels like a failure as a husband and a man because he can't give me what I want most in the world.

  But I still tell him over and over that I love him. Oh and he does the "you should find a man that can give you what you want" thing. But I tell him I want him regardless of if we ever get a baby or not.

  Even after all that, I still feel like I don't make him feel better at all. It just makes me sad.

  
  

  Started TTC Aug '09
  Me: 24, HSG=clear, normal hormone levels, regular cycles, insulin resistance
  DH: 25, SA normal
  Dx Unexplained Infertility Oct '11
  3 cycles of Clomid w/ TI =BFN
  IUI#1 Jan. 23 w/ Clomid =BFN
  IUI#2 Feb. 19 w/ Clomid =BFN
  IUI#3 Mar. 16 w/ Clomid= Apr. 1 beta=8, very faint BFP w/ ClearBlue test...Apr. 2 @ 9pm-BFN w/ ClearBlue...Apr. 3- spotting and cramping...Apr. 5, confirmed c/p.
  IUI#4 May. 16 w/ Clomid =BFN
  IUI#5 Jun. 11 w/ Clomid =BFN
  IUI#6 Jul. 6 w/ Gonal-F 75units + Ovidrel =BFN
  TI w/ Gonal-F 75units + Ovidrel =BFN
  IUI#7 Aug. 28 w/ Gonal-F 125units + Ovidrel =BFN
  Break cycle=BFN
  IUI#8 Oct. 20 w/ Gonal-F 125units + Ovidrel + Progesterone =BFN
  IUI#9 Nov. 13 w/ Gonal-F 150units + Ovidrel + Acupuncture + Progesterone =BFN
  IVF#1-- ER Mar. 3: 9R, 7M, 7F. ET scheduled for Mar. 8
  

  

  A CACKLE A DAY

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• ChicagoWeded2007 member

  January 2011

  I try to make sure that DH know I want HIS baby, not just any baby.  And that I'll love him forever even if he can't make me pregnant and we have to adopt.

  
  Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle. -Philo
  
  
  
  Baby N conceived after 1 miscarriage and more than 2 years of TTC. Diagnosis was low sperm count. We found success after 3 months of anastrozole to increase DH's testosterone and one IUI.
  Some charts
  
  
  I'm stupid. You're smart. I was wrong. You were right. You're the best. I'm the worst. You're very good-looking. I'm not attractive. - Happy Gilmore

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