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April 2011 Moms
The loss of a mom
I don't know where to start. I don't post on here very often, although I read up nearly every day. 2011 was supposed to be a year of happiness, of new life. Instead so far, my grandpa passed away, we put my husband's dog down, and my mom suddenly and unexpectedly died last Wednesday. I don't know what to do. I feel like I'm drowning. My mom was like my best friend next to my DH. I don't know how I can continue doing this without her. This is my first child and her first grandbaby. (It's a girl!) I miss her so much. Can anyone relate? How do I do this without her? She's been so busy planning my shower and now I'm not sure if I can handle it. It's a month and a half away, but invitations need to be ordered and sent out. My MIL, friends and cousins have stepped in to take over, but I just can't imagine having the shower that my mom wanted and was planning without her. I know I'm rambling, but I honestly just feel dead inside. All the people in the world cannot take the place of my mom. DH has been my rock, but it's a total role reversal for us. I've always been the happy-go-lucky one while he suffers from depression. I feel like I need to take care of my dad and brothers too. I don't know. Your thoughts and advice are truly appreciated. I may just be around here a lot more now. It helps to get my thoughts in order.
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Re: The loss of a mom
I'm so sorry for your loss.
We lost H's brother very suddenly last December and nothing will make the pain go away. Only time will help. Remember to try and celebrate her life when you can. Remembering the good times and the celebrations helped my H's family the most. Everytime it would get to hard to deal with someone would tell a random memory or story they had. It brought him back if only for a moment. Your child may not meet your mom but she will live on through you and will always be watching over both of you.
Make a pregnancy ticker
I'm so sorry for your loss. I know those words don't even do it justice. My dad past very suddenly last year and I still think about him everyday. I'd imagine it would be even harder if it were my mom. Take time for yourself, you will be able to do this - you'll draw from the strength that your mom has given you. Remember that the LO you're carrying has a piece of her inside as well.
I'm sure its still all so fresh, please let DH and others take care of you. And, if you're not up for doing the shower then don't - everyone will understand.
Thoughts and Prayers - you'll get though this each day.
Someone's getting a little brother!
Someone's getting a little brother!
BFP#1 1.28.10; HB 6w5d 2.18.10; No HB 3.8.10; Natural m/c 3.9.10 at 9w3d
BFP#2 - 7.22.10 DD born 3.16.11
BFP#3 - 8.11.11 DS born 3.27.12
I can't imagine what you are going through and I am so sorry for you and your family. I will say a prayer for you and your mom and you are always welcome here.
Reading this post was very emtotional for me, I just lost my father this last May. I was much closer to my dad than I am to my mom so it was very difficult for me. My dad's death was also very suddon (he died in his sleep from a heart attack). I have to say that even tho it is still very difficult it does slowly get a little less painful every day. I still have moments, especially thinking of him missing meeting my LO where I just break down and cry, DH tries to comfort me but he has both his parents still alive so he doesn't really understand. We were in the car a few days ago and the song my dad and I danced to at my wedding came on and I just fell apart. I don't know if you are a religious person, but I find comfort in knowing that my dad is in heaven now, and I remind myself of that any time I get upset over how much I miss him.
I am very sorry. HUGS!
I have a few thoughts to offer you. My mom died 7 years ago when I was 18. I was in my freshman year of college. Her death wasn't sudden; she had battled cancer for 3 years prior. But, it was still very traumatic. I can't tell you that you will ever stop being sad and ever not miss her because I still continue to miss my mom and think of her every single day. However, it does get easier. I am an only child and my mom and I were very close. It's very hard being pregnant and not being able to share these milestones with her. I also can't help but feel like I got cheated. One important thing to remember is that her memory will never ever cease. My baby will hear lots and lots of stories about Grandma and we have lots of pictures to look at.
There will be good days and there will be bad days, but don't feel like you need to put on a brave face for anyone. I would continue with the shower, but don't feel bad if you aren't 100% in it. Everyone will understand.
Also, I would like to recommend two books that helped me a lot:
Motherless Daughters: The Legacy of Loss by Hope Edelman
&
Letters From Motherless Daughters: Words of Courage, Grief and Healing by Hope Edelman
PM me if you'd like to talk more. Hang in there.
I'm so sorry for your loss, and I completely understand how hard it is. I lost my mom very suddenly when I was 19, and it was one of the hardest things I have ever had to deal with. Try asking your MIL to try and take what your mother would have wanted your shower to be. I know it would be hard, but this is a time you need your friends and family, and to keep life going. Maybe have a moment of silence or a prayer for her at your shower.
And remember that she's still with you, and looking over you and your family. If you need someone to talk to, feel free to PM me anytime. I'm on bed rest, so I'm always on.
I'm so sorry for your lost. I can tell that day by day it will get better. I lost my husband 12/5/10 in a car accident. We are expecting our first child on 4/28/10. I can tell you that praying helps and having a close family relationship. Thank of all the good memories that you have and shares those sweet memories with your precious little girl. It's hard, I know but be strong.
I will be praying for you
Oh honey, I'm so very sorry you lost your mom and friend. Like some PPs, I lost my mom suddenly as well, almost 7 years ago now (she died from a stroke while taking a nap one Sunday afternoon, had a full physical the Thursday before and was given a clean bill of health - she was 48 years old). I can tell you that it does get easier, even though you probably don't believe that now (and I didn't when people tried to tell me).
I can understand how the shower is very hard for you right now. And if you really don't think you can deal with it now, then call it off - I'm sure everyone will understand. But if your shower is mostly going to be people you are close to and who knew your mom, it may be a chance to realize how much support you have right now - a giant room sized hug of sorts - and to be able to share some stories about your mom. Ultimately, you have to do what is right for you and will cause you the least pain and stress for the health of you and your LO.
It sounds like you have a close family as well - let them be support for you instead of feeling like you need to take care of all of them. Just being together can sometimes be helpful.
Your family will be in my thoughts, and please PM me if I can do anything to help.
I haven't read any of the PP, but just wanted to let you know that I am thinking of you. I can relate, although the loss of my mother occured 16 years ago when I was just 15 years old. Whether the loss was last week, year, or decade, it doesn't make it any easier. I had a difficult time when I got married without her there. Now expecting my 1st baby, makes it hard too. Everyone keeps asking me questions about what her pregnancy and birth was like with me, but I can't answer them.
I know your loss is still so very fresh, but I know your mom would want you to have the shower she was planning! She would want you to celebrate the life you are bringing into the world with everyone and will be celebrating with you on that special day. She will be there with you every step of the way, even if it isn't how you would want it.
Have you thought about going to talk to a counslor about her death? It took me way too many years to accept the fact that I needed help coping with my mom's death. Don't worry about taking care of your dad or brother (I've been there and done that and it was not fun growing up). Being there for them is different then taking care of them. Right now, you need to take care of yourself and your LO.
Sending lots of T&Ps your way!!!
You are in my thoughts & prayers as well. I lost my mom to cancer almost three years ago. Our baby girl is due only 2 weeks past what would have been my mom's 64th birthday. She wanted more than anything for me to have a child, so this pregnancy has made me think of her a lot.
PP's have suggested Motherless Daughters which is good. I also found a grief support group through a local hospice that was specifically for women who had lost their mothers. It helped so much to be with those other women who were going through the same thing (regardless of age, point in life, etc!). I would highly suggest contacting your local hospice to see if they offer grief support groups (it doesn't matter if your mom wasn't part of their hospice or anything - I have never seen one which didn't have its grief groups open to the public). It can really help.
*hugs*
Thank you all so much for your support, thoughts and prayers. It's incredible how many people have the same or similar stories. I am going to definitely pick up some of these books to read. (I got a ton of gift cards from my staff at school, which was amazing.) I feel a little bit stronger day by day even though it's only been a week. It has really helped going back to work and teaching my little 3rd graders all day long. They are so sweet and innocent and that is what I love.
I miss my mom every second of the day though. I think I am going to go through with the shower with the help of my MIL, SIL, aunts, cousins and friends. (And my brother too, who had all of the info for the venue
)
Thank you thank you thank you all. I can't make it through the day without crying, but I can smile a little more each day.