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Two Under 2
writing this under a fake sn :(
Hi everyone! I just took a pee test yesterday and to my shock it said positive. I'm mortified because I have a four month old! (almost 5 months in one week) I am exclusively breastfeeding which is suppose to be 98% effective against pregnancy. We barely have sex as it is and either used a condom or pulled out. DH and I didn't want to use a hormonal contraceptive because of the breastfeeding.
Needless to say I'm scared beyond my mind. I'm sick to my stomach thinking of how I am going to manage a pregnancy so soon again and raising such a young baby at the same time. I was so sad to hear this news.. and wish I could be elated with joy for a second but the truth is I'm terrified. I feel like I want to give my LO now all the attention in the world before introducing a sibling.
I came to this board because you all have 2 little ones, maybe not so close together, but still small. I need some advice and help. For a brief moment not having the baby jumped to my mind (because I'm so depressed at the thought of being pregnant) but that's not something I can go through. I'm very confused, emotional, and scared. I feel in addition to it being a hard road ahead I feel people will judge us for getting pregnant so soon again. Please tell me I'm not alone.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: writing this under a fake sn :(
Well my first thought was that if you were so completely unprepared to have a second baby so soon you should've been on some birth control girl!! GEEZE! Breastfeeding is not even close to a form of birth control, even with the addition of the mini pill there's still a huge probability of getting pregnant (there's plenty of ladies on here who ended up pg this way).
But that's said and done now. I think we all were scared at the thought of adding another baby to the mix. Ours was planned and I was still /am still terrified at times. My first reaction was happiness paired with a major sense of guilt because I'd be taking attention away from my first son. But this has all subsided now, I still know it's going to be a challenge to devote enough time & attention to both but you just find a way to make it work.
That's what I'd tell you, you WILL survive, you WILL be happy, you will find your way through it all. After the shock wears off you can start focusing on the positives. But I will warn you, people will judge you, they will give you some awful reactions... we experienced this and I was shocked at some of the things people said (including my own mother!) but none of that matters in the end, you just have to be prepared for it.
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We found out that I was pregnant again when my daughter was 4 months old as well. It was very planned to have children close in age.
I will not lie - the first few weeks were hard. But, I said the same thing when my daughter was born. newborns are hard, no matter if you have just have the newborn, or if you have an older child as well.
And, I don't want to sound rude - but if you did not want to get pregnant right away, then you should have looked in to more reliable BC than the "pull out" method.
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I got pg when my lo was 3.5 months. I was EBFing and never had AF. It is unusual to get pg before even having AF and especially while EBF and when your baby has not started solids. Many medical resources will tell you the chance is very low -from 0%-2% and when you read that stuff, you start feeling a little bit like a weird phenomenon. But obviously it does happen and once you start talking to people, you will see that many have LOs that close in age (maybe not under the same unlikely circumstances but still-(most people do not get pregnant under these circumstances). Don't worry about people saying you should have been on more birth control. It's really a worthless thing to say right now. We are talking about new life and it should be celebrated-even if it doesn't feel that way yet.
I wish I had the post that I posted on here when I first found out I was pg again. You are having a lot of normal feelings. I was very weepy for a week or so. I was in denial big time and it took a while to settle in (like months). I would hold my ds1 and cry and tell him I was sorry. I was SOOO terrified to tell anyone for fear that they would think we were idiots and all kinds of things (but I did tell right away because I felt very isolated). Fortunately I got mainly positive responses. At some point I became more confident with what was happening and I think people responded well to that. I didn't have strangers make comments or anything but it wouldn't have mattered. Now looking back, I realize how far I came during the pregnancy.
It's hard to imagine but your lo will change so much before the new baby arrives. He (or she) will be so much more of a little person, sleeping much better at night and maybe even walking. When DS2 was born, DS1 was off of bottles, on whole milk, eating whatever we did and sleeping and napping consistently.
I know your last labor and delivery is still fresh in your mind. Maybe you had morning sickness before. I continued to BF till I was 5 months pg and I'm not sure but it may have helped with ms because mine was much better this time. Also when I didn't feel well, I could just lay on the floor and play with LO instead of chasing him. Also I could nap when he did. You do not have these advantages when you are pregnant and have an older child. Also my labor and delivery were insanely easier this time. I mean big difference.
You will be amazed at how easy a newborn is the second time around. You don't have near as much of the anxiety as before and you know what you are doing. Newborns sleep a lot at first and that helped with the adjustment. I seriously couldn't imagine having just one now. One baby is a total cake walk now. And the best part is when they start interacting. It is really heartwarming. DS1 gives DS2 kisses and tickles his feet and brings him toys. They already love each other. And you will love LO2 more than you could ever imagine. When he was born, I fell in love instantly when I saw his sweet face and heard his cry. Wow he is so precious and I never could have imagined these feelings. As DS1 grew during his first year, we saw what a social baby he was and I realized there was nothing better I could give him than a friend. It all started to make sense. I do believe God has a plan for our lives and at first I thought he was crazy. Now I feel like I understand it much more.
I am thrilled with how this has worked out. We have a wonderful family. It is hard sometimes (especially if they are both sick or decide not to nap) but this experience will grow you in ways you could not imagine and you can look back and be proud of how strong you have become. Feel free to PM me if you'd like. I know it is nice to know someone with a very similar circumstance sometimes.
DTsocks-I could have written your post...like Poppy i wish i still had my post. It's probably on my blog is you are interested (link in sig). I was terrified. I cried and cried and wished i wasn't prego. Then i was scared i jinxed it and something would be wrong with the baby because there was fleeting hope that it would be another ectopic
My pregnancy was an absolute miracle-one tube and ovary, exclusive bfing and a high risk of ectopic AND only had sex once that month!?! Talk about meant to be. I didn't always ovulate and said i'd never be back on bcp when i had so much trouble conceiving DD#1.
I won't lie it's hard. But it's also wonderful. Of course it all depends on your personality. Hang in there! Print out poppyseeds reply and keep it with you and read it when you get scared. She was so right about so much!
I'm sorry to hear you're having a rought time with this news. The good news is, you have several months to accept it and prepare yourself before the baby arrives. Honestly I felt that way when I got pg with DD1. She was very unplanned, and the timing was terrible. But as you can see by my tickers, I enjoy being a mom so much that we went for 2u2, and my daughters are 14 months apart, which is about how close your kids will be.
A big part of the reason we went for 2u2 is that I grew up as the second child of 3u3, and I loved it. My sisters and I always had a playmate when we growing up, and now we are all best friends. I hope the same for my kids. So while I can relate to it being a daunting and scary situation for you, I can also assure you that your children will not know any different, and will most likely really enjoy being close in age.
Here a couple of other positives for you to keep in mind: Your older child will likely not experience a lot of jealousy, as they're not quite able to fully understand what's going on. And, it's not that difficult to get back into newborn mode since you're not that far past it with your older child.
It's not always easy, but so far 2u2 hasn't been as difficult as I thought it would be. Hopefully you come to accept your situation and get excited about it. It took me four months to come to terms with my pregnancy with DD1 and to have feel excitement about it. And with DD2, I started out mostly excited, and by the end was a nervous wreck. The roller coaster of emotions is a normal part of any pregnancy, planned or unplanned, so give yourself time to process them all and get used to the pregnancy. GL.
Wow Thank you! You have a great story too.
My girls are 12 months and 2 days apart. I found out I was was pg with #2 when my first was 5 months old...and I was already 2 months pg at the time. I had gone through IVF to get my first baby and was shocked beyond belief that I got pg on my own and so quickly after my first.
I'd gone through hell to get pg the first time so part of me was thrilled I got pg on my own. However, I was scared beyond belief and was guilt ridden. I thought I'd stolen my first DD's babyhood from her and that she wouldn't get the attention she deserved. I was so wrong! Like pp said, your LO will grow and change so much during your pregnancy. By the time I gave birth to #2, my 1st was just about walking, was a champion sleeper, ate by herself, drank milk from a sippy (no more bottles at all), and was excited about the baby. She's never once shown a single bit of jealously and actually helps bring me stuff for her sister now. It turns out I gave my daughter the best gift in the world...a sister!
I won't lie, pregnancy was much harder on my body the 2nd time around. However, I wouldn't change it for the world. I'm so in love with my little family and can't imagine life without both my kids. It will take awhile for it to sink in, but trust me, it will, and you will look back on this time and hardly remember the bad feelings you had.
Pretty much all of what Poppy said. DS1 was 4.5 months when I found out I was pregnant with DS2. I was terrified, and felt so guilty. Guilty that I was taking away DS1's baby-ness, and then guilty for not feeling excited to be pregnant again.
It took months for me to be comfortable with the idea of having another one. But the idea of the gift I was giving DS1 made it easier and easier. He will never know a time when he didn't have a little brother, and I love that thought.
I'll be honest, it is hard. I am exhausted at the end of the day. But I also have two beautiful little boys who smile at me, interact with me, and light up my life. It's so obvious to me now that God had bigger plans for me than I could ever imagine for myself.
So, you can see age difference in my siggy, but Our DS2 was under 2.5 months old I think. We had used fertility treatment for the first two and I was shocked, thrilled and devestated all at the same time. We were not ready, but not preventing. You did not come on here for a lecture, and I will not give you one!
Babies come close together sometimes! It happens!
You will do well You will love having them close, and hang in there! Get rid of that AE, and come out!
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DS was 7 months old when I got pregnant...totally unplanned. I was so upset, I did NOT want to be pregnant and it took me a LONG time to feel ok about it (at least 4 months!!). I was worried about my career, dealing with two babies, losing my body again/dealing with being pregnant, I was even worried about what everyone else would think! Anyways, long story short, it may have been the best thing to ever happen to me. I find that I can enjoy DS1 even more as well because it is so fulfilling to have a family with two children. I feel so lucky to have DS2 and it really isn't that hard. Just give yourself some time to get used to the idea and don't feel bad if you're not instantly happy! Good luck!
Thank you to everyone who replied. I appreciate all the feedback.
Hellopoppy, yours was the post that had me in tears! I cried and cried. I guess PP was right and I need to save it, this whole thread even, to re-read. It was good for me to hear that many of you had a hard time accepting or coming around to the idea. It makes me feel like not such a horrible mommy. You all seem so happy now and I need to find my way to that place. I read some of them to my DH right now and still cried at parts. He actually started to get really excited by some of the things you all had to say regarding sibilings being close together.
I was in so much shock today I didn't even call my medical office, but I'm calling tomorrow to make an appointment.. and face the music. Sorry for the fake name, I've just never felt this way before and didn't know what to expect. After the midwife confirms everything then I will "come out" and join you mamas.
You are such amazing women, people & moms.. you are such an inspiration. You all have the hardest and best jobs in the world being mamas to your LOs. I'm happy that I posted this and feel confident to contact some of you for support in the future. Thank you from the bottom of my heart
I think a lot of us went through the shock you are going through. My DD was 8 months when I found out I was expecting. I was also exclusively BFing and DD was an IVF/ICSI baby! For me it was less devastating because I was excited to find out I might have a baby without fertility treatments. But I can see how if I didn't have that unique perspective that it could have been hard.
One thing to remember: Pregnancy is 9 months. You have a LONG time to get ready for this baby and wrap your brain around what it means. My daughter is a TOTALLY different kid now than she was when I found out I was expecting.
It is hard work but I am so extremely lucky and blessed and happy to have my two babies. Even 16 months apart
. It is getting easier now that DS is getting out of the itsy bitsy newborn mode. We are getting more sleep, getting more into a routine, and DD is getting more accustomed to her brother. I would say you have a lot to look forward to!!!
Hang in there!
I am so glad you are starting to see some positive and it sounds like you have a loving and supportive husband. Give yourself plenty of time. If you are like me, you will still have your moments filled with all kinds of emotion. I wasn't able to make a Drs appt for almost 2 weeks after finding out. If you hang out on this board, you'll see more and more posts similar to yours and you'll realize your feelings are normal and common.
I was looking back at dates and noticed that I found out I was pregnant with DS1 on Jan 17 two years ago and pregnant with DS2 on Jan 25 last year. It's no wonder when I saw your post, I just had to write!
You are going to do great!
I wanna meet these doctors who are telling women it's unlikely they'll get pg while nursing. Not that you need a lecture, but c'mon, seriously? You really thought you couldn't get pregnant while BF'ing? Are you not on Kellymom reading about BF'ing and what to do to increase/maintain supply or remedies for clogged ducts?
Look at your LO and realize that he/she started as just an embryo as well, and now look at him/her. Have some perspective, babies are AMAZING, children are WONDERFUL. Pregnancy can suck, but the reward is so worth it.
Now, forget the freakin' AE... You're not the first woman to get KU'd this way.
Hell, I got KU'd the first time on accident, and felt the same way you do now. But, this second time (planned) I KNOW what the reward looks and feels like. There's no amount of m/s, cramping, spotting, whatever that could rain on my parade. I have the privilege of having another child.
Start celebrating with your DH!!
Yes anyone who is having sex knows that pregnancy is possible. It doesn't mean it isn't still shocking and scary sometimes. It doesn't matter if it's your 1st or 5th pregnancy.
You got pregnant when your baby was around 10 months and you probably had AF back and like you said, it was planned. It is different when your baby is between 3-4 months. Different likelihood of getting pregnant, different emotions, different situation. I'm not on kellymom reading about clogged ducts(?) but I did read this a lot (the circumstances under which I got pregnant again).
Exclusive breastfeeding (by itself) is 98-99.5% effective in preventing pregnancy as long as all of the following conditions are met:Your baby is less than six months oldYour menstrual periods have not yet returnedBaby is breastfeeding on cue (both day & night), and gets nothing but breastmilk or only token amounts of other foods.If you practice ecological breastfeeding:Chance of pregnancy is practically zero during the first three months, less than 2% between 3 and 6 months, and about 6% after 6 months (assuming mom's menstrual periods have not yet returned).The average time for the return of menstrual periods is 14.6 months.Moms whose cycles return early tend to be infertile for the first few cycles. Moms whose cycles return later are more likely to ovulate before their first period.Source: Natural Child Spacing and Breastfeeding by Jen O'QuinnWhile it is possible for a nursing mom to become pregnant while she is breastfeeding and before she has her first menstrual period, it is rare. Most moms do not get pregnant until after their first period (often referred to as the "warning period"). https://www.kellymom.com/bf/normal/fertility.html and WebMD saying basically the same thing:https://women.webmd.com/guide/birth-control-facts?page=5
I do not think it is unreasonable for someone to rely on breastfeeding(ecological breastfeeding) and before the return of AF, at least for the first 6 months, to prevent pregnancy with the knowledge that anytime you are having sex, pregnancy is possible. People rely on the birth control pill all the time and it has the same effectiveness as breastfeeding under these circumstances. My Dr was pretty darn surprised that I got pregnant under these circumstances.
You are right. The OPs new baby should be celebrated big time but its ok if it takes a little adjustment for her.
Poppy I cried a little reading your reply. I have gotten some comments that I can't believe from people that all make me feel a little stupid for not being more careful.
I will say this: I still don't know when I got pregnant my guess is about 3 months. I had ZERO signs of pregnancy the second time around. AF never returned after DD was born, I too was EBF and I didn't find out until about 18 weeks!
Not only did I have a 7 month old but life outside of being a mother is completely outside of what I wanted. I wasn't sad I was in total shock! I am completely terrified at what a new baby means for my baby and myself. I keep myself sane by saying that God is not going to give me anymore than I can handle.
In other words DT you're not alone! GL
Really appreciated reading this post, Poppy - Thank you for sharing your experience.