how does your DH help take care of the baby?

m&m2006 · January 2011

dh was wonderful during my first 2 weeks at home (i was recovering from my c-sect). he has been awful the last month. i have to specifically lay out for him what exactly he needs to do and sometimes, he just doesn't listen and decides to go to bed. just wondering how your hubbies help out.

lebennett · January 2011

Mine helps by getting up and going to work every day to financially provide for us. I work but would never be able to support myself and LO the way we are accustomed to living. Otherwise, I don't ask for much, but when I do need something, I usually have to ask. Communication with SO's is so important with LO's. She is the first thing he goes for when he walks in the door after work. He entertains her for about 30 minutes while I unwind from my day with her. It is a nice little break for me.

Bredins wife · January 2011

... help out? H doesn't know what that means... Oh wait, sometimes when I need to take a shower, cuz it's been like, ya know, 5 days, he will hold P as long as she is sleeping. He has no idea what to do with her while she is awake. And at night while I'm nursing her at 2am, he "helps" me stay awake by snoring at 1000 decibels.

christinaeve · January 2011

My DH was the same way after coming home from the hospital. He was great with our son. He's not as helpful now, but still helps quite a bit when he's home. He gets up with him while I pump at night and gives him a bottle, changes diapers, and usually takes him when he gets home at night. I wish he would take more initiative when it comes to bathtime, getting ready in the morning, packing the diaper bag, making bottles, etc. Sometimes I swear that men make you lay it all out for them so that you will give up and do it yourself because its easier than holding their hand through it.

MrsMegan922 · January 2011

Since going back to work - H has been great. He will make dinner when he gets home and will then pretty much take her until bedtime, except for feedings - so holding her, changing her, etc. I try to keep the house/kitchen picked up during the day so he doesn't have to do that. It is just nice to have that 4 hour break before bed and I am back on solo duty.

Weekends he will do a lot of diapers and will take her a lot when she is fussy. Friday and Saturday night he will get up and bring her to me to nurse and will get up if she fusses.

LoveyFNR · January 2011

He lets me take naps and watches Rome while I sleep. If I'm struggling to make him happy DH takes him and plays with him. He's really good at giving him baths so I let him take over in that department. I pump so DH usually feeds him while I pump or do other things around the house, sometimes taking over a night feeding. I'm with Roman all day long so it's nice to come home and let DH care for him for a little bit while I cook dinner or relax a little bit. My DH is absolutely wonderful with watching Roman. I sometimes have to beg for him to give him back to me.

JenGarden · January 2011

I wish he helped a little more - he usually only takes her when I ask. He will now watch her for 20 or so minutes in the morning while I brush my teeth/eat breakfast/pump. She HATES to be put down during the day, so I don't get much "me" time. He'll also watch her in the evenings for maybe 30 minutes when he gets home (I'm still home with her all day) and listen out for her when I shower at night. He will also hang out with her for about an hour on saturday or sunday when I go to the grocery store. I really envy those whose DHs get up with LO at night; I may talk to him about doing that at times now that I'm pumping some during the day.

MaddysMama07 · January 2011

DH went back to work on Wednesday. Except for the few nights where he has to be at work by 7am the next morning he has gotten up with her at least once a night. He changes her, feeds her, talks to and plays with her. He helps with bath time. On top of that he helps keep the house clean and deal with our oldest DD as well.

ZoeyMarie · January 2011

Daddy controls bathtime no matter what. He loves it and it's his way to bond with DS. If I ask, he'll give him a bottle. He also does the laundry and washes the bottles when he has time. That might be more because he can't stand a mess than him wanting to help with DS, though.

simplemom18 · January 2011

I get up with her at night on week nights and he gets up with her on Fri and Sat night. I mostly take care of her during the week and he does a lot of helping on the weekends. He does hold her and stuff on week nights too after work. He has always helped me a lot. I really look forward to Fri and Sat night though.

Nhev · January 2011

DF gets up at 4 a.m. 5 days a week for work so I can stay home with Amelia That's the best thing I could ask for! Since he gets up so early and has a commute, I don't ask too much. He usually gives her an evening bottle while I pump and take a break and he'll take her randomly just to be with her or if I need/want him to.

On the weekends, we pretty much split baby duty and I do housework or relax while he has her. He also encourages me to get out of the house, whether it be going out to dinner with friends or just going to the store, so I can get out without the baby once in a while. He's not the best at taking initiative with her, but he really is awesome about helping

jenna3016 · January 2011

After work, he will usually make dinner. Then he watches LO til around midnight so I can get uninterrupted sleep (about 4 hours.) I usually have the midnight 'til morning shift - so he can get uninterrupted sleep (about 7 hours.) We have a twin bed in the nursery, so whomever is on baby duty can try to nap.

On his work days, I have baby duty until the next evening. I am on maternity leave til late Feb.

On his days off, he will either watch LO, or we will switch off.

Penguin81 · January 2011

My DH friggin kicks butt and then some I couldn't have asked for a better man. He totally takes care of her at night, last boob feed is at midnight and then he takes her till about six usually, so he's bottle feeding (EBM), changing all that jazz. Plus keeps the house clean, does the dishwasher AND cooks.

But best of all we have breakfast every morning where we discuss how the night went and anything else interesting, and make plans in case he plans on being up in the early afternoon, typically when we run family errands. My life totally rocks!

hmp1 · January 2011

simplemom18:
I get up with her at night on week nights and he gets up with her on Fri and Sat night. I mostly take care of her during the week and he does a lot of helping on the weekends. He does hold her and stuff on week nights too after work. He has always helped me a lot. I really look forward to Fri and Sat night though.

This. And he knows that when I go back to work in 6 weeks he will have to do some night time feedings/diapers during the weekdays too. I do get frustrated when he says he is going to go get a hair cut after work when I haven't had my hair done in months. He is good about stopping by the store after work if I need something and don't feel like getting out. Plus I really don't keep the house that clean or make homemade dinners often even though I'm home all day Embarrassed

mrsseguin · January 2011

Since DH is back to work and I'm home, so he does less now, but still does a lot to help with the house and kids after work. He does feedings, diaper changes, bathes, plays and any other thing DD needs. He cooks, cleans, and does laundry. He also takes care of our 2 year old son. Right now I take care of the night feedings, but when I go back to work, he'll do the night feedings so I can sleep.

I sometimes ask him to do things, but he does realize when our children need stuff and we both just do it. We both take care of them...I don't get these husbands that don't do much to look after their children. I could never imagine having a husband who doesn't help, or gives me attitude, or needs to always be asked to do something.

spunkyprincessmande · January 2011

My H is great with Micah. When he's home he's always playing with him. My mom jokes that she thinks he and I fight over who gets to hold him when we're both home. H is a retail pharmacist so he works retail hours (typically 8-4 or 2-10) so on the nights that he's home he will get Micah ready for bed. He also puts him down for all naps when he's home and often helps out with the bath. On his days off (he currently only works 4 days/week) he also helps with some of the house cleaning and cooking. I know I'm very lucky, but we talked even before we got married about how we are a team and nothing should fall only on one person's shoulders all the time, so he's always been very good about helping me when he can.

pitterpatter129 · January 2011

I just hand over whatever I need done. For example, I went grocery shopping yesterday and it was hubby's day off from work. I asked if he was going with me. When he said no, I handed him the baby and told him I'd be home in an hour and there was breastmilk in the fridge if he started screaming before I got home. Sometimes I hand him the baby and ask if he'll change a diaper, etc. Generally, if I want something done, I actually physically hand him whatever it is. Sometimes he just doesn't really know what needs done and like you said, he'll put it off until he feels like doing it. If I hand it to him, it kind of implies it needs done now.

However, he is great about picking Nate up if he is crying and he loves to hold him when he gets home from work. He's great about helping out with household chores and he asks what he can do when I'm feeding the baby. Overall, he's a wonderful husband and daddy! I love him! When I go back to work, the home workload will increase for him though, which might be a shock.

KristenC25 · January 2011

SO is awesome with DS. We work opposite days so that one of us is always home with DS so he's with him all day a couple days a week. When we're home together at night at weekends, everything between us is teamwork. We do bathtime together. I take one feeding, he'll take the next. DS only gets up once at night for a feeding, so regardless of who is working the next morning, we alternate night feedings. I, honestly, couldn't have asked for a better partner.

FirstBabyMomma · January 2011

My DH is off work until April 1, so he helps by waiting on me hand and foot! As he said to my mom in the hospital, "It's her job to take care of the baby, but it's my job to take care of her." That made my mom cry to know that her baby was going to be so well taken care of. That was mostly in reference to feeding since we planned to (and luckily were able to) EBF and he knew he wouldn't be much help until I started pumping.

He does all the household stuff (shovels snow, keeps the fire in the woodstove going, cooks, walks the dog, etc) and when I need a bit of a break from baby, he will do it all. He's a great diaperer!

BalancingJane · January 2011

mrsseguin:
I sometimes ask him to do things, but he does realize when our children need stuff and we both just do it. We both take care of them...I don't get these husbands that don't do much to look after their children. I could never imagine having a husband who doesn't help, or gives me attitude, or needs to always be asked to do something.

This. She is as much his daughter as she is mine, and we share the work. I'm EBF, so he can't do much in that department, but he can certainly hold/comfort, bathe, change diapers, get her dressed, play, etc.

erind0213 · January 2011

We have had our battles lately. While I can't complain about him being hands on with the baby, he has no problem feeding and changing her, and even will take her for a couple hours here and there so I can run errands BUT he doesn't do anything during the overnights, and has begun to slack around the house.

He also has the nerve to complain about how tired he is at times, yet he manages to sleep uninterrupted 6-10 hours at a time. I can't remember the last time I had the change to sleep through the night.

While I can't complain.. I can. He does give me a break when he works evenings or is off, and will get the baby at between 8-10am and I will go back to bed, but I can do without his slacking and complaints of lack of sleep.

I remind him that just imagine what we will be dealing with once I am back to work!

Delphianraven · January 2011

Our guy came six weeks early and DH has been great since the birth. During the week that he was in the hospital he would come up after work every night and change him, feed him when we were finally able. He absolutely adores his son. Since coming home he's been a big help, he'll usually take the feeding right after he gets home and then again right before bed. He'll feed him when he gets up for work in the morning too. I honestly couldn't feel more blessed. He's always hold him and he loves to give him baths. He's anxiously awaiting the days when he can more actively play with him at this point!

juliane2004 · January 2011

He absolutely helps! I would die without his help. Well, not really, but I love that he helps. In fact, when the weekend comes, it's his turn for 90% of the weekend (like it's 90% my turn on the weekdays).

I do have to remind him what time DS needs to eat, but he does everything else (make bottle, change diaper, feed and burp DS, and put him back to bed) completely by himself.

Now, this is our second kid, so DH has been "training" for a year already :P

ssiiiiiss · January 2011

DH isn't doing as much as he did before, but he still helps quite a bit. I think he feels because DD and I have gotten into quite a good routine that he would mess it up. He's also having a hard time with her crying even moreso now. He says it's because he's a fixer and can't fix it sometimes. We had a long heart to heart over it last night and I just explained that sometimes she needs to just get it all out and there's nothing we can do about it. If's she's fed, diapered, and not sick, then she may just need to cry!

So even though he's not doing as much as he did, I still would be a mess without him here helping. Single mommas, you have my utmost respect. How you do it, I have no idea but you are amazing.

sugarbear0524 · January 2011

Maybe it's just semantics but I really don't get the whole "Does DH help?" This makes it sound like it's primarily my job to take care of LO, and DH is not ultimately responsible. We negotiated all this in advance of the pregnancy, and I basically said that I wanted DH to be able and willing to do anything I can do (besides nurse). We both work full time and we work the same hours. We are co-parents, not a parent and a helper. My friends tell me how lucky I am, but I wouldn't have a baby with anyone without this arrangement.

jenwoodhouse · January 2011

sugarbear0524:
Maybe it's just semantics but I really don't get the whole "Does DH help?" This makes it sound like it's primarily my job to take care of LO, and DH is not ultimately responsible. We negotiated all this in advance of the pregnancy, and I basically said that I wanted DH to be able and willing to do anything I can do (besides nurse). We both work full time and we work the same hours. We are co-parents, not a parent and a helper. My friends tell me how lucky I am, but I wouldn't have a baby with anyone without this arrangement.

This. Simply because DH is the breadwinner, doesn't exempt him from parenting our child. He's happy to do everything I do (except nurse, of course), including chores, like laundry, dishes, groceries, etc. He even shops for LO's cute outfits. I know he may be the exception, not the rule, so it doesn't escape me that I'm blessed to have him.

BobitaBobarina · January 2011

My husband helps me out a lot, my mom was very suprised by it, When he comes home from work he changes his diapers and feeds him. When i had my c-sect He took 2 weeks off of work so he could take care of us, when he could not he would take me to my sisters so i would be taken care of.

iloveu4ever · January 2011

My husband takes care of most of the feedings. I love him to death. He would always get up in the middle of the night.

LolliLately · January 2011

DH is a huge help with the baby. He changes diapers, brings me snacks when I am feeding, and takes the night shift on his nights off (the only downfall is when he doesn't wake me for the second feeding like I ask him to (because he wants to let me sleep) and I wake up damp with boulders for t!ts). He does most of the cooking and kitchen cleaning and will grocery shop on his own if we don't go together. I do laundry and child care prep, mostly because I like the way I do it better (he mixes colors on the bottles and it drives me crazy!) He loves his kid something crazy. He works midnights, so some days I end up doing more because of work schedules, but he always tries as much as he can.

My biggest complaint with him is that his household projects are not getting done. Our kitchen still has no trim, the attic access in our closet still isn't finished, our basement still isn't put back after the renovation. He would rather play video games than work on these and it drives me crazy!

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