should i be worried?

fohres · January 2011

A friend of mine volunteered to plan and host my baby shower (she's been talking about doing this since my wedding 2 years ago, so I was delighted that she wanted to do it). However, she hasn't acutally been planning anything. We set up the shower date for March 5th and this is about all that has been accomplished. She asked me to pick out a location and I did that over a month ago and yet she hasn't actually booked the place yet. We were going to order our invites from online, but it would take 3 weeks to ship unless we paid a crap load for expediated shipping. I believe that invites should be sent out a month before the event to give people adequate notice. So we can't order the invitations anymore for a reasonable price and get them in time. She has been talking about planning this shower for over two years now and would constantly remind me before I was pregnant that she wanted to do this. I thought she would have been all over this. Should I be worried that almost no planning has taken place and the party might be in a little over a month? Or should I hope that she plans everything at the last minute and it all comes together?

Disneygeek77 · January 2011

Well in her defense she still has 7 weeks. Now you might not get the invites you wanted but perhaps she has other ones in mind or maybe she just got overwhelmed and the invites had to be put on the back burner. It happens.

I say just let her plan it. Maybe every once in a while check up on her and see if she needs any help etc., but overall let the ball stay in her court.

onislandtime · January 2011

She still has nearly 2 months. I wouldn't sweat it. If you are that worried, casually bring it up and see what she says.

Yellow_Daisy · January 2011

I have never once asked the mom to be what invitations she wanted nor has any mom to be ever dictated anything about a shower I am throwing for them. Your friend maybe just isn't telling you what is being planned. Most showers I have been to and thrown, the guest of honor provides the guest list and helps choose the date, after that everything is left up to the hostess unless she asks for the mom to be's opinion. It appears that maybe your friend doesn't need your opinion and is planning the shower, which she is giving to you as gift, as she sees fit. Most of the time hostesses want the details to be a surprise so maybe she just isn't telling you what she has done because she wants you to be surprised by the details and not to have to worry about things as this is your special day.

My best advice is relax, she has been wanting to do this for you for a long time and I am sure she will come up with something nice.

If she hasn't asked you for a guest list you could create one for her and then send it to her and let her know if she needs anything else to let you know.

Just curious, but how do you know she hasn't booked the location or ordered invites?

clauseka · January 2011

I wouldn't worry either. Not like you want it to be thrown together at the last minute, but you shouldn't have to stress over it either.

dragon_chica · January 2011

Yellow_Daisy:
I have never once asked the mom to be what invitations she wanted nor has any mom to be ever dictated anything about a shower I am throwing for them. Your friend maybe just isn't telling you what is being planned. Most showers I have been to and thrown, the guest of honor provides the guest list and helps choose the date, after that everything is left up to the hostess unless she asks for the mom to be's opinion. It appears that maybe your friend doesn't need your opinion and is planning the shower, which she is giving to you as gift, as she sees fit. Most of the time hostesses want the details to be a surprise so maybe she just isn't telling you what she has done because she wants you to be surprised by the details and not to have to worry about things as this is your special day.
My best advice is relax, she has been wanting to do this for you for a long time and I am sure she will come up with something nice.
If she hasn't asked you for a guest list you could create one for her and then send it to her and let her know if she needs anything else to let you know.
Just curious, but how do you know she hasn't booked the location or ordered invites?

This. When planning my friend's shower the only thing I asked her was for a date preference. Everything else I took care and since I was close enough to her I felt that I knew her well enough to know what would be a good fit. And imagine the look on her face when she saw all that I did for her. It was priceless. I'm pretty sure if I kept her in the loop it wouldn't have been as exciting.

pregaftertubal · January 2011

i wouldn't worry about it. my sis only wanted me knowing the basics and everything else was a surprise, and it really was more fun that way! there are so many other things that can give you stress. just sit back and let her handle it! it will be just fine!!

flutepharm87 · January 2011

Maybe she's designing the invitations herself to save money or something. There's still plenty of time left for invitations to go out and give guests advance notice about the shower. I would give it another 2 weeks before saying anything to her.

rhubarb123 · January 2011

I know everyone has said not to worry, but quite frankly if she asked you to pick a place to have it but she hasn't reserved it yet...I'd be worried. That place may not be available if she doesn't get her act together. The invitations...that's another matter. If necessary they can be made at home or just buy some pre-printed ones at the store. I think if invites go out 3 weeks before the shower that is definitely long enough.

BTW...why is she asking you to pick the shower location? Is she expecting you to do most everything and she is just putting her name out there as the hostess? Did she expect you to rent the place (and pay for it)?

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