Really really struggling with this decision

carrieannew · January 2011

Ok Ladies

I can not seem to makeup my mind weither I want to invite Logans father to his birthday party.

A little back story. He has seen Logan maybe 5 times ever. The last time was over 4 months ago and he only saw Logan because his mother called me and I brought Logan to her house for a visit, and off course DB was there.

We have not spoken since court in November, he emailed me and said he wanted to talk about visitation again that allowed more time for his family. I said what do you have in mind, he said he already said what he wanted. And there it lies. Over and over again. He is the worst person to communicate with. He has never once put Logans best interests first.

He never acknowledged him at christmas nor did his family. Well his sister did come by week or so before with some pjs and clothes she bought and just wanted to give him, at that point she said she would contact me before the new year. I again have not heard from her or his mother.

I do want to invite his mother and sister. They have made an effert (all be it piss poor) but they made one in the past year.

Ok part of me wants Logan to look back and have photos or know his Dad was there.

Part of me thinks he is not deserving of the invite when he has made no effort to even be in his son's life in the last year. Nor do I want the drama it could bring. He has not been back at my home since April when he asked for the DNA test to delay child support but yet still showed up for a visit. That day I told him to leave, that he was not going to request a test and still want to see him. I stand behind that decision and always will, weither people agree or not.

Okk wow this turned into much longer. I just don't know what to do.

I honestly do not think he would even show nor will his family. They are all full of talk and no action, it's just how they are. But then I can say I invited him, and I did not stop him from attending his son's birthday.

It's just sad to know that Logan will be 1 and has no idea from joe smoe on the street who is dad is.

haleyw458 · January 2011

I would invite him. You said he probably won't show, but atleast later on if Logan ever asks, you could say you made an effort but it was his choice not to go.

Mrs.Keith2B · January 2011

I'm going to say invite him. Odds are he won't show, and at least he can't try to throw it in your face farther down the road.

ShanJosh777 · January 2011

Ugh. I hate that you are in this situation.

I do see what pp's are saying about being able to say you made an effort. But you have made plenty of effort already IMO. Honestly, I would not be inviting him or his family. If they cared, they could have their own party for their own family. No way would I be inviting people who don't even acknowledge my son on CHRISTMAS to my home. (Or where ever you are having the party.)

fauxshelley · January 2011

ShanJosh777:

Ugh. I hate that you are in this situation.

I do see what pp's are saying about being able to say you made an effort. But you have made plenty of effort already IMO. Honestly, I would not be inviting him or his family. If they cared, they could have their own party for their own family. No way would I be inviting people who don't even acknowledge my son on CHRISTMAS to my home. (Or where ever you are having the party.)

I'm in this camp. FWIW, I invited XH's sisters just so their DDs could see Jack. I didn't invite XH or his parents. IMO, they showed their true colors at Christmas when they excluded Jack too. I did tell XH that he needed to have his own party for Jack's birthday though. I felt that I couldn't leave out Jack and Pumpkin's cousins, they are just kids and all this drama is not their fault. Only one cousin came though. I always invite the cousins to P's birthday parties too.

DarthNBJenni · January 2011

I didn't invite my ex or his family. I knew they were planning their own family birthday party that I wasn't going to be invited to - so why should I invite them to our family party. Plus, my ex has basically pissed off all my friends and family personally.

achase123 · January 2011

I, personally, wouldn't invite him, but extend an invite to his family (and hopefully they won't show). He has made no effort, he doesn't deserve to pretend like he's a father for a day. Plus, you and him are NOT on good terms. And I think that he's been a total doucheface about everything. IMO, he doesn't deserve the invite.

alibabbbs · January 2011

I went back and forth about this decision for DS's 1st birthday party. I ultimately decided not to invite XH, and I am so glad I didn't.

laurieb602 · January 2011

I invited Alyssa's dad to her 3rd birthday because up until then he couldn't be located. He did show and I was a nervous wreck trying to police my family who hated him (justifiably). In hindsight I don't regret it though, it's the only picture she has of her and her bio dad before his death...but I wouldn't invite him. If he were involved with Logan and you guys were on good terms, maybe...but he isn't contributing to the party and he doesn't even know Logan. If he were half a dad he would know his son and have his own damn party

carrieannew · January 2011

I love you ladies.

So many great points.

On one hand I would love to have him not be able to throw it back in my face, like he did/does about not being there when Logan was born. But then I also do not give a flying fig about what he thinks or feels.

I am certain I will invite his sister and mom. Like I said they have made some effort this year.

I also do not want to be a nervous wreck that day wondering if he will or wont show.

I'm almost certain I have made up my mind.

I know if he had made an effort this past year I would. But the fact that he has no relationship whatsever with Logan, I can not justify having him be there for such a happy day.

MommyJohn422 · January 2011

He's his father, how selfish are YOU?

ShanJosh777 · January 2011

MommyJohn422:
He's his father, how selfish are YOU?

Bahahaha! Are you serious?

He's his dad, who has seen him five times in a year. Who demanded a paternity test to try to delay paying child support. Who is basically no help and doesn't even know him. Who didn't even send a Christmas card or want to spend time with him over the holidays. All the while the OP has been doing everything alone. But you're right, how selfish is she?

carrieannew · January 2011

MommyJohn422:
He's his father, how selfish are YOU?

Excuse me?

Please tell me what makes a father. I would like to know. Because very definition that I can think of he does NOT fit. Outside of DNA

dimake · January 2011

I think you're making the right choice. I invited my XH to my girls birthday parties, but he's actually in their lives on a weekly basis. I wouldn't even think of it if he had made me get a DNA test to prove paternity.

ShanJosh777 · January 2011

MommyJohn422:
He's his father, how selfish are YOU?

Selfish? Pot, meet kettle.

https://community.thebump.com/cs/ks/forums/thread/47814105.aspx

carrieannew · January 2011

I feel honored that someone is using a AE and felt the need to comment on my thread. Awesome

keelyxrosepetal · January 2011

carrieannew:
I feel honored that someone is using a AE and felt the need to comment on my thread. Awesome

Carrie would you like me to bust out the AE that I never knew I had and comment on here? I promise a good laugh at the name if nothing else.

I logged on with the wrong email and this user name popped up, by the time I realized it was wrong it was far too late.

I can bring it out of the closet again just for you.

xcjen06 · January 2011

ShanJosh777:
MommyJohn422:
He's his father, how selfish are YOU?
Bahahaha! Are you serious?
He's his dad, who has seen him five times in a year. Who demanded a paternity test to try to delay paying child support. Who is basically no help and doesn't even know him. Who didn't even send a Christmas card or want to spend time with him over the holidays. All the while the OP has been doing everything alone. But you're right, how selfish is she?

ITA.

Father =/= daddy.

carrieannew · January 2011

keelyxrosepetal:

carrieannew:
I feel honored that someone is using a AE and felt the need to comment on my thread. Awesome

Carrie would you like me to bust out the AE that I never knew I had and comment on here? I promise a good laugh at the name if nothing else.

I logged on with the wrong email and this user name popped up, by the time I realized it was wrong it was far too late.

I can bring it out of the closet again just for you.

Keely you would come out of the closet for me?? awww hehehe

Angiesmommy · January 2011

MommyJohn422:
He's his father, how selfish are YOU?

And you (mommyjohn...) are an idiot... how STUPID are YOU??

Meliss227 · January 2011

There is no way in hell that I will ever be inviting the DB to any of Cooper's birthdays.

He also demanded a DNA test to delay paying child support and thought he was going to continue to visit too, didn't acknowledge him at Christmas, his parents haven't seen him since he was a month old, he hasn't seen him since he was two months and is refusing unless it is on his terms even though I have made multiple offers after the results came back.

Logan, just like Cooper, will have pictures from their 1st birthday party and they will be with the people that love then and want to spend time with them all year round not just when it fits into their schedule.

carrieannew · January 2011

Angiesmommy:

MommyJohn422:
He's his father, how selfish are YOU?

And you (mommyjohn...) are an idiot... how STUPID are YOU??

*Like*

Wish TB was like Facebook and I could like posts

monkey_mama09 · January 2011

I have a great relationship with X, he sees DS a few times a week, and I still didn't invite him to DS's birthday party. In the future, I might. But this year, I didn't want to deal with it. My family is still very angry with him for what happened, and I just didn't want all the tension. So for someone who pretty much has nothing to do with Logan, I definitely wouldn't feel bad for not inviting him.

carrieannew · January 2011

Meliss227:

There is no way in hell that I will ever be inviting the DB to any of Cooper's birthdays.

He also demanded a DNA test to delay paying child support and thought he was going to continue to visit too, didn't acknowledge him at Christmas, his parents haven't seen him since he was a month old, he hasn't seen him since he was two months and is refusing unless it is on his terms even though I have made multiple offers after the results came back.

Logan, just like Cooper, will have pictures from their 1st birthday party and they will be with the people that love then and want to spend time with them all year round not just when it fits into their schedule.

Melissa sounds like your ex and mine have the same communication style. They are impossible to deal with. And I refuse to wipe his rear for him after raising his son alone.

Thank you for saying it like that. It really made me go, heck yeah. Exactly!!!!

achase123 · January 2011

MommyJohn422:
He's his father, how selfish are YOU?

This wasn't even a good attempt at being a troll. Better luck next time.

FYI: biology has nothing to do with being a father sometimes. True story.

carrieannew · January 2011

achase123:

MommyJohn422:
He's his father, how selfish are YOU?

This wasn't even a good attempt at being a troll. Better luck next time.

FYI: biology has nothing to do with being a father sometimes. True story.

Love this quote!

ErinC27 · January 2011

I wouldn't invite him, but I am ver selfish.

I know you are a lot like me though. We are so selfish that we parent these kids every day by ourselves, work at jobs we would rather not work at so we can pay the bills, hug and kiss away tears, celebrate milestones, and do it all on little sleep with little to no help from anyone named "dad".

I say, rock on with your selfish self.

keychain01 · January 2011

ErinC27:
I wouldn't invite him, but I am ver selfish.

I know you are a lot like me though. We are so selfish that we parent these kids every day by ourselves, work at jobs we would rather not work at so we can pay the bills, hug and kiss away tears, celebrate milestones, and do it all on little sleep with little to no help from anyone named "dad".

I say, rock on with your selfish self.

Pfft...I'm selfish too!!! Yes

carrieannew · January 2011

ErinC27:
I wouldn't invite him, but I am ver selfish.

I know you are a lot like me though. We are so selfish that we parent these kids every day by ourselves, work at jobs we would rather not work at so we can pay the bills, hug and kiss away tears, celebrate milestones, and do it all on little sleep with little to no help from anyone named "dad".

I say, rock on with your selfish self.

Love it!!! Exactly. I've raised Logan alone and I am so proud of myself. Hell this party is as much for him as it is to celebrate his first year with me.

Unknown · January 2011

This content has been removed.

Want a personalized experience?

Really really struggling with this decision

Re: Really really struggling with this decision

Choose Another Board

Search Boards