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Friendship worth salvaging? long sorry

SLouWhoSLouWho
in Trouble TTC

DH's best friend recently announced their second pregnancy. They are aware of our struggles with infertility as I have discussed it with his wife on several occasions. After posting her pregnancy announcement on FB, she emailed me and said how excited she was that it FINALLY happened for them (6 months, 1st DD on first try) and how good it felt to see the first ultrasound and see the baby, and how she was getting morning sickness a lot, how she was only 2 months pregnant but looked like she was 5 months, and tips for me to get pregnant including "relax and it will happen, eat healthier, work out more, and just don't think about it"

We invited them up north to stay in my in-laws skiing cabin in a few weeks. Last night my husband emailed them, congratulated them again, told them how happy we were for them. He told them that I was having a very hard time with our struggles right now and if they could keep my feelings in mind when discussing her pregnancy and that I was probably not the best person to devulge everything to, but of course that in no way means not talking about it all together. Basically asked them to use their discretion He restated how happy we were for them and how we thought their DD would be a awesome big sister.

She emailed him back and wrote that they won't be going up north because they didn't feel like our invite was sincere and she doesn't want to have an elephant in the room and she doesn't want to feel like she can't talk about something. She said she cares about us very much and would never intentionally hurt my feelings, but that my husband handled the whole thing inappropriately and basically that maybe they would see us in 7 months (after her due date).

I don't know if I should just let it go, or if I should try to salvage the friendship. Any thoughts?

 

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Re: Friendship worth salvaging? long sorry

  • bumpuser794640bumpuser794640 member
    I think if she's going to get her panties in a twist over what sounded like a very tactful email from your DH, she doesn't sound like a very understanding friend.  I don't like to waste my energy on relationships that are one-sided, KWIM?
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  • Ms H13Ms H13 member
    Yikes!  It sounds like your husband's email was very tactful.  I guess I would wait a little to see if this lady apologizes for herself - hopefully she'll realize that she put her foot in her mouth in a big way.  If this is truly how she feels and how you can expect her to interact with you in the future, I would definately limit any contact with her.  Being discrete and conscientious of your feelings (on any subject) is something a real friend would do - and usually without being asked to do so.  Good luck, let us know how this turns out, and have a great time at the cabin!
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  • adaisybugadaisybug

    From reading what you wrote, I dont think she is a friend worth saving. To me, anyone with decensy (Sp?) would shut their mouth in a situation like this. As your DH said several times, you ARE happy for her, it would just be helpful if she would not talk about it all the time. To me, it sounds like she is selfish.

    I am sorry you are having to deal with that.

    After 18 months TTC, our 2nd IUI brought us our BFP! Stick baby stick! FuzziBunz at Nurtured Family BabyFetus Ticker Image and video hosting by TinyPic
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  • DeputiesWifeDeputiesWife

    I think what your husband wrote was tactful and nice. I think a true friend would understand these feelings and respect them. I think what your husband was really nice.

    We also have a friend who is PG with her 3rd. took no time for each one. she called to tell me the news. i put on my fake voice and said congratulations. then it was on FB. i bawled.  she knew we were ttc but never once asked how we were doing in any converstaion we have with them. not once. i dont offer up our IF struggles but do talk about them if the topic comes up if that makes sense.

    I think she is being somewhat selfish.

    Im sorry.

    TTC #2 since June '08

    ~*DD 10.21.07*~

    dx unexplained

    IUI #1-4 BFN

    IVF#1 June 2011 BFN

    IVF#2 Dec 2011

    Beta#1 12/21 : 812 Beta#2 12/23 : 1634

    EDD 8/25

    *PAIFW/SAIFW*

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  • MToomsMTooms
    I would just let it go for now. Maybe later on she will come around and realize how hard things are for you. She sounds pretty self-absorbed and that is not a friend quality, but some people get that way when they get pg.
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  • SLouWhoSLouWho
    Thanks for the confirmation. I have to stop myself from feeling guilty for something we didn't even do. I think I will let it go, besides, her panties have been in a bunch for years! Thanks for making me understand that we aren't the ones in the wrong!
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  • BROCKSTARBROCKSTAR
    I would think that if an email stated that they "Finally" got pregnant and they knew about your fertility issues that she was just being excited in spite of how you feel OR she as being rude. It sounds like an appropriate email from your husband and another rude response from your friend. If you think this couple is worth salvaging as friends I would reccomend you persoanlly speaking with her...you can't tell tone in email and she could have read it as defensive while it's intent was not. I am sorry about your dilemma and I wish you the best of luck...
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